Blood Traitor
by Mina Carlisle
Summary: When you have to choose between love or family or yourself, how do you make that choice? For Ismene Malfoy, it is a matter of life or death, good versus evil. But how can she choose when all she has ever known is the wickedness of her family? And will her choices ruin her or save her? R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: For the record, I am not J.K Rowling. All I own is Ismene and her non-canonical family members (i.e.- her mother, father, and brother)

Summary: When it comes between choosing love or choosing your family, how do you decide? For Ismene Malfoy, the choice is much more then she can handle. Both decisions could kill her, but only one can make her happy. The only problem is, she doesn't know how to choose. She's never controlled herself before and it will kill her if she doesn't learn too.

Blood Traitor

Chapter 1.

"_It's only fear that makes you run, the demons that you're hiding from."_

-Melissa Etheridge, "I'm the Only One"

It was a hot summer, one of the hottest that she could remember as she stared up at the sky. A small smile crossed her lips as she curled her toes in the cool grass, trying to carry that sensation up through her feet to the rest of her body. She didn't like being hot because it made her sweat and that made her sticky. It was last week of August and that realization annoyed her. She was tired of summer, tired of being home with her family that annoyed her at every turn, but she wasn't excited about going back to Hogwarts. It wasn't that she didn't love her family, in some ways they were almost endearing, but it was when they were all together that they annoyed her. She could barely keep away from them without having one cousin or another bother her. The space she was now, tucked away in the middle of the labyrinth her great-great grandfather had planted years ago was one of the only places where she could be alone. Half the time when her cousins were there it was because there was important business that an underage witch couldn't be useful with.

The crack of a twig sent her bolting upright, her fingers curling around her wand as she stood up in a flash. Her father had seen her duel once at school and had commented on how quick she was to cast a spell. She didn't this time, too cautious of the Ministry to do anything until she accessed the situation. Though she knew her father would disapprove of that. She could be dead before she knew who she was fighting. Everything in their world was growing tenser as Lord Voldemort grew in power. Any wizard could be an enemy. The young man standing at the exit of the maze chuckled when he saw her, face contorted in a fighting expression. The girl sighed and let her wand arm drop. It was a false alarm, but he wouldn't drop it, she knew, he'd tease her as long as he could. "Ismene, is that anyway to greet your favorite cousin?" he asked, walking close to her side to seize her chin in his hands. "You certainly are growing up, aren't you?"

Ismene shrugged from his grasp and stomped away. The book she had been reading lay discarded close to the hedges and she picked it up, pressing it close to her chest. "You don't even come close to being my favorite anything, Lucius." She hissed. She tried to make her way out of the labyrinth, but Lucius stopped her and pushed her into the hedges. The branches and leaves scratched at her arms, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of panic coursing through her veins and the sensation of his breath on her neck. She squirmed against the hedges, trying to get away from him, but his grip on her waist was tight. "Get off me, Lucius."

His lips pressed against her neck before he straightened himself, a small laugh squeezing itself from his throat. "One day, you won't be so against my advances."

"I am your cousin." Ismene replied, "I doubt I will forget that."

"You will forget it, I promise you." Lucius replied, "I shouldn't have to remind you about the state of blood purity in our world. It's abysmal, perhaps you should keep that in mind when you return to Hogwarts and stop associating with Muggle borns and blood traitors before you become one yourself."

Ismene scowled. It had been a heated subject her first year at Hogwarts when she had failed to be sorted into Slytherin. She had been placed into Ravenclaw, a house she had thought was fitting. Her father often commented on how she was too smart for her own good, but she had never seen in that way. She was clever, yes, but she hadn't wanted to be in Slytherin, though she knew she was more like them then she liked to admit. It was Lucius who never seemed to let it go that she wasn't in the family house. "They are my housemates, Lucius, I can't exactly ignore them."

"You should." He retorted. He raised an eyebrow and seized the book from her arms before she had a chance to snatch it back. "What is this?" he held it at arms length above his head. "Are we reading Muggle trash?" He let his arm stretch back before he let the book fly, a perfect arch curving over their heads before it landed with a plop into the gurgling fountain nearby.

_Smack!_

Her hand flew against his cheek fiercely before she ran to recover her book. "It isn't Muggle trash, it's for Defense Against the Dark Arts." She said, "I'm trying to read ahead."

"It's the same thing as Muggle trash. You should be learning Dark Arts at Hogwarts. Dumbledore's a fool to not include it." Lucius replied, "Muggle borns shouldn't even be allowed to enroll."

"I needn't even be at Hogwarts if I was listening to your advice, Lucius." Ismene replied, "I've grown up around the Dark Arts." It was true. There was nothing more then her father and mother enjoyed then fine tuning their skills, performing it for their guests, using the house elves as targets. It had always bothered her for some reason, their total disregard for the poor creatures, though she had to admit, she had done it herself once after being egged on by her father. It had felt good, that power, perhaps that's why they had liked it so much. "I'm going."

Her cousin didn't follow after as she wound her way through the labyrinth, digging the toes of her shoes into the grass as she trudged up the hill to their home. It wasn't as grand as Lucius' home, but it was nice enough. She didn't have any sisters and her brother was rarely spoken about anymore, so she thought the house was too large for her and her parents alone. But there was always company, her parent's friends who never had anything interesting to say. It was hard to be engaged in conversations when everyone agreed with each other. Every so often, she would say something that was opposite of their beliefs just to get something else from their conversations. She was always punished afterwards, but it felt good to be annoying them obviously.

The door creaked open and she tumbled inside, glad that despite the usual heat, the kitchen was cooler then outdoors. House elves bustled around, carrying clean bowls and polishing silverware. They were dressed in a mixture of rags and things that they made themselves. One wore a skirt made out of pot holders and another had little more then a tie wrapped around his bottom. Ismene slumped onto a bar stool at the end of the cutting board, watching an old female house elf chop vegetables. The elf turned her head, large brown eyes staring unblinking at her mistress. "Is their something you need Teensy to do, mistress?"

"No." Ismene sighed, "Yes. Nevermind." She slid off the stool and wandered over to their refrigerator to find something to drink. She pushed past cartons of milk and jugs of orange juice before she found a bottle of Butterbeer that she had forgotten and popped it open. It was cool as it slid down her throat, the perfect refreshment from a hot day, though she couldn't get Lucius out of her head and it made her uncomfortable. She finished her drink and let the bottle drop to the floor. It smashed against the stone floor, sending shards of brown glass scattering across the floor. Ismene smirked as she walked out of the kitchen, feeling Teensy's eyes on her back the entire time. It made her just as uncomfortable as her cousin did.

The house was more impressive inside then it was outside, but one of the more startling discoveries is how dark it was. She had never been inside any of her school friends homes to compare, but part of her wondered if their homes were light and airy. Tapestries depicting wizards performing curses on unsuspecting Muggles hung on the walls in the hall that she walked down, the doors to the rooms that were off the hall had been shut up tight. She could hear her parent's voices coming from one of the open doors that led to their spacious living room full of moving portraits of long dead relatives preaching their beliefs about their hatred of Muggles and praise of the Dark Arts. She hesitated outside of the door, peeking inside to see who all was there.

Her uncle Abraxas was seated in one of the high backed chairs, twirling his wand in his long, slender fingers. His blond hair was pulled back from his face tightly. She had never noticed before just how much he resembled his son, but Lucius did look like his father as if they were twins. Lucius had obviously Apparated into the room and stood by his father's side, laughing at a joke Ismene had missed. Her mother was nearest the window, her ruby red summer robes billowing behind her, dark hair piled on her head. Ismene resembled her father, Cadoc, who was tall and slim with blond hair and hazel eyes. He was handsome and had an arrogant look about him, something Ismene knew she had as well. But she never thought that she could carry off those features she shared with her father, the piercing eyes and the high cheekbones that she thought made her resemble a corpse more then an actual human being.

"It isn't polite to linger in doorways, Ismene." Her father hissed. He waved a hand and sent the door crashing against the wall. His lips moved slightly and Ismene felt herself being jerked into the room against her will. It wasn't uncommon in their family for Unforgivable Curses to be used against the children if they were being particularly stubborn. She had been put under the Imperius Curse many times when she had been younger because of her disobedience. She smiled at her parents and sank down at her father's feet, sliding the book underneath his chair. Cadoc let his hand rest on his daughter's head, running his fingers slightly through the yellow stands. "Have you gotten your supplies for Hogwarts yet, Ismene?"

"All I need are the books and a few supplies for Potions." Ismene replied, "I assumed we might have some lying around here unless Lucius took them like he took away Aja-."

"That's enough Ismene." Her mother said. Ismene noticed the quiver in her mother's voice. "You may go to Diagon Alley today if you want. Actually, go…go now."

"Mum, I…"

"Now Ismene! Don't make me make you go."

Ismene scrambled to her feet and walked to the large fireplace. A pot in the shape of a skull sat on the mantle and she dipped her fingers into it, scooping out a large handful of Floo Powder. She tossed the powder into the flames, her eyes reflecting the green that they transformed into. She turned her head slowly to meet her mother's gaze. "So I suppose now that we aren't even going to mention him anymore? How can you do that, he was your son."

"He is no son of mine." Her mother replied, "And if you don't start showing us some respecting, you'll be in the same place he is."

The girl laughed as she stuck one foot into the flames to feel the familiar tingling sound. "You'd have Lucius kill me too, Mother? Or would you do it yourself?" she sneered before immersing herself completely. "Diagon Alley!" She shouted as she was gone before her mother's curse could hit her.

--

The fireplace spat her out in the middle of the Leaky Cauldron. She had always been fond of the pub and the land lord, a man with curling hair named Tom. He didn't really know her, but she was sure he knew who she was and he was still nice to her because of it. Ismene wiped the dust off of her robes and gave him a small smile and a wave before she walked into the side yard. The brick wall was in front of her and she stared at it, forgetting that this wasn't how she usually came in to Diagon Alley. Ismene patted herself down looking inside her robe pockets before she let out a frustrated scream. She had forgotten her wand and she was certain her mother had probably snapped it out of anger. 

"This is just perfect." Ismene murmured to herself, "I'm sure I'll be having to sneak into my room tonight and keeping the door locked from Lucius. Now I'm having to figure out how to break into bloody Diagon Alley. This is just perfect. I'm a witch for crying out loud! I should be allowed in there." Ismene looked around the yard before spying a pile of discarded bricks. She carefully took them and, one by one, stacked them up into a pile that she clambered on top of. It didn't do any good. Diagon Alley was a magical alley after all and she couldn't just climb into it.

"You know, for a Ravenclaw, you are pretty dim." A voice from beside her said.

"Don't be such a git, Black." Ismene said. She had known Sirius Black for her entire life sense at some point in their family tree they were related, just like all pure bloods. At times, he could be alright to be around, but more often then not, he annoyed her. He was handsome and had gotten taller since school had let out. His dark hair fell over his dark eyes like a curtain that he continually had to push back with his hands. "Why are you coming in from Muggle London? Decide to become one?"

"I could ask the same about you." Sirius replied, "Or are you just using those brains of yours to come up with a magical staircase into the street."

"I forgot my wand." Ismene replied, "Now either give me yours or go away."

Sirius twirled his wand around his fingers casually as he paced back and forth along the wall. "You don't need to be so abrasive, Malfoy, I'm only here to assist you."

_Doubtful,_ Ismene thought. She shifted her weight to her other foot while staring down at Sirius. His eyes danced playfully as he watched her and for a moment in time, Ismene wondered what it would be like to kiss him. He had had his share of girlfriends while at Hogwarts and the girls he did not snog followed after him like puppies. A girl a year younger then her had commented that Sirius was "a rebel" for not agreeing with his family, but Ismene thought that he was a fool. She had never loved anyone enough to abandon her entire family for something. Besides, it would never be easy for her to leave. Her father kept watches on her every move and he had eyes everywhere. She looked over her shoulder carefully as if she expected a pair of eyes to peer out at her from the wall opposite them. The punishment would be harsh if she was caught associating even innocently with Sirius Black.

"Just open the wall, Black." Ismene replied, but paused for a moment before adding, "please."

He smiled before he tapped the brick and she stepped down from the bricks and began making her way down the street. "Don't I get a thanks?" Sirius shouted after her, but Ismene only raised a hand to acknowledge him. If her father had seen any of that, the damage was already done and she didn't want to do anymore.

Diagon Alley was all a bustle with wizarding families and Muggle-borns and their wide eyed parents alike walking in and out of the shops. When she was younger and her parents took her here on rare shopping trips before they ventured into Knockturn Alley, she had been enthralled by all of the colors. The street was bright with different stores selling colorful robes or the brightly colored cones from Fortescue's Ice Cream shop. She was still impressed by the simple charm that kept the tall ice cream cones from toppling over into the street. Her parents had always shuffled past anything like the ice cream shop or the sweet shop, claiming it was over run by the "wrong sort". She always knew they meant half-bloods or Muggle-borns. Ismene had never questioned them, but she unconsciously licked her lips when she saw a young boy carrying an ice cream that was blue and yellow. It looked delicious.

Ismene stuck her hand into the pocket of her robes and fumbled around until her fingers brushed a few pieces of hard metal. The silver Sickles were out of her pocket in a flash and for the first time in her life, she decided she was going to have herself an ice cream. Her mother had let her go to Diagon Alley on her own, perhaps out of anger or perhaps because at the age of fifteen she could go shopping for her own school supplies. The shop was crowded with people and Ismene felt the need to make herself as small as possible even going as far as to pulling her hood over her face. She didn't want anyone to recognize her, especially any Slytherins she knew who would call her a hypocrite for patronizing an establishment that catered to everyone.

She managed to go unnoticed for a few minutes before she felt a hand on her shoulder and she spun around. The green eyes and red hair that greeted her were friendly and Ismene felt her chest tighten. She had known Lily Evans for a few years because of double classes with Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. She was Muggle born and Ismene could almost smell it on her. But she was nice enough and completely ignorant of Ismene's family prejudice and she hadn't the heart to ignore Lily Evans who was one of the only people who was genuinely nice to her. Ismene had suffered many a punishment for talking to the girl after her father had warned her to stop. "Ismene!" Lily said, a smile on her face that ended in two dimples. "How has your summer been?"

Ismene shrugged. It was her typical summer. She was bullied by her father six days a week into practicing and studying Dark Arts. Lucius had tried to seduce her again for the sake of blood purity despite that no one in their family had ever married their first cousin before. They usually went to at least second cousins. She and her mother had fought often cursing each other until her father stopped them both. She had spent six weeks under the Imperius Curse doing her father's bidding as punishment for hexing her mother. And she knew her father had nominated her for some organization devoted to the Dark Arts, led by a man who had been gaining power for years. Lucius was already involved with Voldemort and Ismene dreaded the day she would be accepted. Secretly, she hoped that she would be considered unworthy, but her father would make sure that never happened. No daughter of his would be overlooked since her father considered it an honor to work for Voldemort.

So she finely settled with forcing a smile and saying, "It was fine, how was yours?"

Lily nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears. "It was nice, but I'm ready to get back to Hogwarts all the same. I'm a bit worried about taking the O.W.L.s this year though. Are they terribly hard?"

"If you study, they aren't." Ismene said, "And you're smart, I doubt you'll need to study."

The girl smiled. "Thanks." She said and turned to the people standing behind her. "Ismene, have you met my parents? This is my mum and dad."

Mr. Evans stuck out his hand and Ismene stared at it before waving at him. He let his hand drop, a small furrow forming in his brow. She had probably insulted him, but she could only imagine what her father would think if he found out she had touched a Muggle. She felt bad about it though since Mrs. Evans had stepped forward a few moments before that as if to hug her. "I…I…I've had a touch of dragon pox this summer." Ismene lied as if to excuse her actions, "it's contagious and I don't want you to possibly catch it."

"How dreadful." Mrs. Evans said, "Well I'm glad you are feeling well and it's nice to meet a friend of Lily's."

"It's nice to meet her parents." Ismene replied.

"Are yours around here?" Mr. Evan's asked, "I'd like to meet them."

Ismene shook her head as a flood of shock entered her body. She couldn't imagine what her father would do if he met the Evanses. He'd probably kill them on the spot. He had done it once when she had been younger on a trip to France, a French muggle had done something to irritate her father who promptly killed the man much to her horror. The other times he had done it horrified her significantly less, but they had always been duels he had been fighting. "They don't come to Diagon Alley often. We have house elves to do the shopping for us."

"House elves?" Mr. Evans asked and Lily patted his arm gently.

"They're like servants, Dad." She said, "Ismene's from a very old wizarding family."

"Are you now?" Mr. Evans said, "That's wonderful. We were surprised when Lily turned out to be a witch. We aren't sure how it happened. We don't even have a magician in the family."

"You've got a Squib somewhere in your family tree." Ismene said. "Squibs are children born to witches and wizards who don't have any magic. It's really rare, but they tend to integrate with Muggles and then generations later, the magic resurfaces." She took a step closer to the ice cream case before biting her lip and deciding that she needed to leave. She felt a pressure starting to ache in her chest and she knew her father had found out. He was a powerful wizard and must have placed a Taboo on a word. She thought for a moment and then remembered. She had said Muggles and that would have tipped him off. "I need to go." Ismene said hurriedly before stepping out of line without saying good bye to Lily and her family.

Once outside, the pressure seemed to vanish, but it was still there, a hollow aching in her chest. She decided to finish her shopping quickly and managed to get everything she needed from books to robes to potion ingredients. She even got a new set of Exploding Snap cards to replace her old ones whose edges were charred. The Leaky Cauldron was still crowded when she got back and she purchased a bit of Floo Powder to get herself back home. She reluctantly shouted out her address and was spat out in the sitting room fireplace.

Her father seized her by the scruff of her neck the second she got home.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"_Pitter pat, the angel on my shoulder, is haunting me tonight. Tick tock, the clock is getting louder, ready for me to decide."_

_-Erin McCarley, Pitterpat_

For the rest of the week, her father kept her in the dark to teach her a lesson about being seen with Muggle-borns. The darkness didn't bother her until her father came and got her, saying that it was time for her to go to Hogwarts. She had lost all track of time until then. The light blinded her eyes that had gotten so used to the dark. It hurt to be out in the sun as her father dragged her by the arm down their long drive way to the emerald green car he owned that was a family heirloom, though he used it grudgingly and only when she had to go to Hogwarts. Otherwise, despite that it was a magical car, he felt like a Muggle in it. He tossed her into the back seat and she pressed her nose against the leather seats that always smelt warm. She kept her eyes closed the entire ride to King's Cross Station, begging for them to adjust. When the car lurched to a stop outside of the station, it was her mother who helped her out of the car, stumbling over her feet like a newborn child.

"Cadoc, look at her." Her mother said after she released her daughter's arm and Ismene flopped down onto her trunk, cradling her head in her hands. "The Muggles are staring, she looks like she's drunk."

Cadoc squished his lips to the side in thought before he lifted his daughter into his arms and gestured to his wife. "Get her trunk then and come on." When no one was looking, they slipped through the wall between platforms 9 and 10 and Ismene's ears heard the sharp shrill of the Hogwarts Express train's whistle. Her father set her down, his hands cupping her arms to steady her. The cool tip of her father's wand pressed against her eyelid and he tapped the left one and then the right one before whispering, "_Episkey."_

Her sight returned to her quickly and she rubbed her fists with her eyes. At least she could see again, though her father was the last person she wanted to see. "Thank you." She said and Cadoc smiled remorsefully before wrapping and arm around her shoulders.

"Have a good term, darling." Cadoc said before Ismene's mother kissed her cheek fondly, "Are you coming home for Christmas holiday?"

Ismene stared at him. It was an odd question since she never came home for any of the holidays and her father never asked. "Should I?"

"Yes." Cadoc replied, "It will be a very special moment in our family if you come home and are accepted by Lord Voldemort for an assignment. Lucius was given one when he first joined."

The girl sighed as she shyly tucked her hair behind her ear. Of course, she should have known that it would have been something of that nature. It was the only time they would ever really want her to come home. She nodded slowly, "I will be home for the holidays then."

"That's my girl." Cadoc said. He lifted his arm and pushed back the billowing sleeve of his robe to stare at his numberless watch. "It's almost eleven, your mother and I will leave everything up to you." Without another worth, they both Apparated from the platform, leaving her with her trunk and thoughts swirling in her head.

The whistle blared again without the aching affects this time and she heaved her trunk after her as she got on, searching for an empty compartment. She didn't have many friends and the ones she did have, she didn't particularly like or want to catch up with. Besides, she told herself the she wasn't very good at small talk. Just as the train was lurching forward, Ismene found an empty compartment toward the back. She shoved her trunk underneath the seat and curled up on it, tucking her knees against her chest as she watched the station fall away. Like with her family, she had never felt that she fit in perfectly at Hogwarts. There were too many people around and it made her nervous that someone would find out about her family and their dealing with Voldemort. Dumbledore often spoke out against Dark Wizards and Ismene often wanted to disappear when he brought it up as he tried to cheer the students against the dark days ahead.

It was embarrassing to be in a house where not many Dark witches had come from. She should've been in Slytherin, but the Sorting Hat had told her that she would do better in Ravenclaw. She could've asked the Hat to put her into Slytherin so her parents wouldn't be disappointed, but she wanted to be where she would fit in or at least appear too. She pulled out the book she had been reading a week ago. Its pages were pregnant with water damage and she could barely turn a few of them before she closed it in a huff and tucked it back into her trunk. She had bought another copy on her trip to Diagon Alley and she fished that one out to read.

The cover was much the same as when she had bought it at Flourish and Blots. The red binding was perfectly unmarked leather with gold lettering embossed on the cover and spine, the title _Practical Defensive Magic and Its Use Against Dark Arts_, was still shimmering. But when Ismene opened it, she swore loudly. Her father must have replaced it when she had been locked in their dungeon. Instead of a book about defensive spells, she was staring down at _Secrets of the Darkest Art_. No doubt, her father thought he was clever for switching the text. She hoped Lily or maybe even Sirius would lend her a copy to switch back. She wasn't dumb, she just didn't know her father thought she was.

For the majority of the train ride, she was alone until she was awoken from the nap she had fallen into by the sound of her compartment door banging open. A slightly plump boy with mousy brown hair stood nervously in the doorway, his watery eyes studying her carefully. "What is it?" Ismene said, the irritation obvious in her voice. "D'you come to look at me like I was on display?"

"I was looking for an empty compartment." The boy said. His voice was squeaky and irritating. Ismene hoped he wouldn't talk anymore and would go away. Instead, he stepped inside and sat across from her and folded his hands into his lap.

"This wasn't an empty compartment." Ismene retorted.

"It's just you." The boy said.

"Since I'm a person that means it isn't empty." She said. She stood quickly and walked to the boy and seized him by the collar of his shirt. Even standing, he barely came up to her shoulders and she wasn't very tall herself. "Get out."

"Easy, Malfoy, easy, don't break Peter."

Ismene dropped Peter's shirt and stomped back to her seat. Sirius Black wandered inside, his school robes billowing behind him in an imaginary breeze. He sat across from her, propping his feet up in her lap. She shoved them off quickly not knowing that was how he had balanced himself and he fell to the floor. He stared at her and she could only laugh. "I'm sorry." She said and helped him stand up. "I didn't know."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say it was your goal this year to embarrass me at every turn." Sirius said. He sat down again and this time he placed himself all the way on the seat, his hands tucked behind his head. "First Diagon Alley and now the Hogwarts Express."

Peter looked excitedly from Ismene to Sirius. "How did she embarrass you at Diagon Alley."

"Keep out of it, Peter." Sirius said, "I'll explain it to you later, but I'm trying to talk to Ismene here."

"There's nothing really to explain." Ismene said, "I didn't embarrass you either, Sirius."

"You walked away from me!" Sirius said.

"And that's embarrassing?" Ismene asked as she pursed her lips. "Poor Sirius Black, not getting what he wants. Oh it's a tragedy that you are going to have to get used to."

He ran his fingers through his hair and let his fringe flop back into place. "Are you always this sharp?"

"You tell me." Ismene asked, "You know my family, they're just like yours if not worse. You should come to expect it."

Sirius laughed. "That's a crude excuse to bring up. You aren't your parents."

"How so?" Ismene asked. She had always compared herself to her parents. They had raised her after all; she was what they had made her. She had never chosen anything for her life on her own. Instead, she had taken whatever she had been given with a smile and a show of appreciation. She wasn't like Sirius. She wasn't brave enough to stand up for what she believed in even if she believed in anything. She didn't see a point in alienating the only people who had given her everything she ever needed.

"You wouldn't be sitting here talking to me if you were." Sirius said.

With those words, Ismene stood up and stormed out of the compartment, her ears burning red. She walked as quickly as she could down the aisles. She smashed her hip against the side of the candy trolley, knocking a few treats to the ground. She stooped and picked them up before the witch who managed the trolley could say anything to her. Ismene shoved a First Year out of her way when she found the lavatories and locked herself inside. Tears came quickly and she didn't know why she was crying. Her eyes burned with the salt despite the fact that her father had fixed them. Her head ached with thought. She didn't know why Sirius Black affected her. He wasn't right. He barely even knew her.

_How dare he? How dare he say things like that? Who does he think he is saying that I'm nothing like my parents? He's an idiot blood traitor, that's who he is. _Her thoughts were venomous, but true. Then she remembered the text book her father had edited and how it was full of dark spells and hexes. How could he say that she wasn't like her parents when she didn't immediately destroy the books in her possession? She was like them, she knew it. It wasn't something that she could deny easily. She was her father's daughter.

Outside, she heard the voice of the First Year speaking with someone and there was soon a fist pounding on the door of the bathroom. Ismene rolled some toilet paper onto her hand and wiped the tears off her face. The reflection in the mirror was not something she wanted to present the world with. Her cheeks were flushed and blotchy. Her blue eyes were weak and watery. She splashed cool water from the taps onto her face before she pulled out her wand and mutter a simple spell to fix everything. "Alright, I'm coming out." Ismene said. The lavatory door bumped the First Year who rushed past her, knocking her against the train's wall. "That little brat!" She raised her wand unconsciously to hex the girl for bumping her. It was only instinct. "Furnunculu-"

"Don't do it, Mal-Ismene." A large hand encircled her wrist and pushed it down to her side.

She turned her head to the side, only barely noticing that it was Sirius standing there, his hand on her wrist gently. "I am just like my parents." Ismene said, her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Alright." Sirius replied, "Alright." But the tone of his voice told her that he didn't believe her.

--

Sirius and Peter left her alone in her compartment soon after their two other friends, James Potter who Ismene swore could have passed for Sirius' twin, and Remus Lupin, the new Gryffindor prefect, had found them. Ismene changed quickly into her Hogwarts uniform, letting her blue and bronze tie flop over her chest until she found her wand to magically tie it. Outside her window, night was falling slowly. The sky was striped indigo, violet, and magenta as the sun set over the Scottish Highlands. Ismene sighed, watching the stars prick their way into existence. When she had been little, the first time she had seen the stars and knew about her parents' prejudice, she had longed to be as far away as those little spots of light. But now that she was older, all she wanted to do was stay in her parents' good graces. If she stayed there, she would stay alive.

The train came to a shuddering halt at Hogsmeade station and Ismene waited until the halls where clear before she walked out into the cool night air. Hogwarts stood in front of her, illuminated like a million stars in the sky. It was the prettiest thing she had ever seen and every year it never failed to take her breath away somehow. It wasn't like her own home that looked as dark as the wizards who lived inside. Hogwarts was a gem no longer incased in coal. Ismene made her way at the back of the crowd and crammed herself into one of the carriages. The Thestral pulling it curved its skeletal neck around and exhaled loudly, the puff pushing Ismene the rest of the carriage.

Her companions were all younger then she was, second years from Hufflepuff. Their faces were still plump and rosy, but their eyes gave away just how tired they really were. Ismene let her head drop against the side of the carriage, the jarring of the wheels in the rutted path keeping her from allowing her eyes to drift shut. She had been able to see the Thestrals since the start of her third year. But no matter how many times she saw them, she could still never get used to them.

The carriage ride did not end soon enough and Ismene tumbled out, her robes catching on the door and ripping loose. She swore loudly which caused the little Hufflepuffs to jump. She ignored them and followed her classmates into the Great Hall. The magical night sky above them was a swirl of stars and Ismene thought she saw one shoot across the sky. The moon gazed down on them, his face watching anxiously, waiting for something, anything, to happen.

Dumbledore stood behind his podium that resembled a large bronze owl, his wizened hands outstretched to calm the hubbub. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! Now, before we can begin with our scrumptious feast, we have some first years to sort!" He waved his hand toward the great oak doors and in came Professor McGonagal leading a parade of wide eyed first years behind her. They all oohed and awed over the long tables where their future classmates and mentors sat, wizards in training like them who had succeeded in their learning. One blond boy waved at Ismene and she half heartedly raised her hand, her heart breaking that he recognized her. Ajax's boy. Her own nephew. She had forgotten that he had turned eleven this year.

It was a pity that he would never know his father, the best Malfoy Ismene had ever known about. She had been four when he had been born and Ajax had only been sixteen. Her nephew was the product of a brief fling with some Muggle girl he had met once in London. When the girl, Ismene couldn't remember her name, told Ajax that she was pregnant, Ajax ran away with her. He didn't return until much later, during her third year, to tell their parents where he had been and that they were grandparents to a beautiful little boy. Ismene closed her eyes, drowning out the names that were being called. She didn't want to remember the next part.

Her father's voice still rang in her ears. The redness of his cheeks were still burned in her memory. She couldn't remember much about Ajax. He had his arm around his girlfriend…no…wife who held their son's hand, but she had been ushered out of the room before the argument escalated more. Ajax wanted to protect her. He was kind. Lucius had been there, raging at his cousin who was the closest in age to him. It had been Lucius who had spun out of control the most, enraged by what he considered to be the greatest of all treacheries- marrying a Muggle because she was carrying his child.

"You can't do that, Ajax." Lucius had hissed, "Where is your pride?"

"My pride is where your morals are." Ajax retorted, "Can you tell me where those may be?"

Lucius had sneered. "You're pathetic. You always have been. Pitiful little Ajax Malfoy and his good heart. You should have just left well enough alone. The boy never needed to come here. He doesn't need to act as if he can be one of us. He never will be."

"He's my son!" Ajax shouted. He had then turned to Ismene and bent at his slim waist, cupping her chin in his hands. "Don't be like them, Is, make your own bloody decisions."

"Don't touch her." Lucius had snatched Ajax by the shoulder and pulled him away. "You'll only dirty her up and she's…" Lucius had looked at her with a strange look in his eye and Ismene had remembered backing up toward the door. "She's so pure."

"Don't look at her, you bastard!" Ajax whipped out his wand, the look of malice in his eyes could've cut through diamond. "_Crucio!"_

Lucius had crumpled into a heap on the floor. His entire body convulsed on the floor and his eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of his skull. Ajax's eyes were still focused on his cousin who lay in the floor, wand repeatedly jabbing toward Lucius as he wordless intensified the curse. Ismene felt like she was going to be sick watching her noble older brother torture the boy he had grown up with. She had never known Ajax to sink so low, but he was doing it to protect her. But in a single blink, a single intake of breath, the entire scene changed.

There was a flash of green light and a deep throaty yell. Lucius had gotten to his feet and had his wand gripped in his white knuckled fist. He had been laughing slowly as he stepped over to Ajax and nudged his body with his foot. "You've always been pathetically weak, Ajax." Lucius said and then looked wolfishly in her direction. "Big brother isn't here to protect you anymore, Izzy."

Ismene had stared defiantly at Lucius and when he stepped closer to her, she had tossed a handful of Floo powder into his eyes. She ran after blinding him and had found her sister-in-law and nephew huddled in the foyer. "Where's AJ?" the girl had asked. Her hand was resting on her nine year old son's blond hair. Ismene just ignored her and ushered her toward the door where their car was parked.

"Get away from here." Ismene had said cruelly. "Ajax is dead."

"Malfoy, Tristan." McGonagall's voice drew Ismene from her memory and she turned her head to watch her nephew step toward the Sorting Hat.

He was tall and looked just like Ajax. His hair could use a trim, white blond fringe falling into gray eyes. He was her little half-blood nephew and she didn't want him to be in Slytherin. They would eat him alive there. All of a sudden, she was worried about him even though she had only seen him once two years ago when she watched his father be murdered by his cousin. Even then it had only been a glimpse. She didn't know him to love him. All she knew was that he was Ajax's son, the son he had given up everything for and she had done nothing to help.

The Sorting Hat fit over his eyes and by its movements, you could tell it was mulling over where to place the boy. Ismene felt her heart pounding in her chest. "Not Slytherin, please not Slytherin." She murmured to herself, wishing she was powerful enough to perform a Confundo charm on the hat to place him anywhere but the house that would destroy him.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Ismene didn't think she could be more relieved when she watched Tristan take a seat a few places down from Sirius Black.

--

_A/N_

_I don't know where I got the time this week to write this chapter. There's probably some assignment I've forgotten to do…oh well, I needed to write. My life has been so stressful and disappointing as of late. 20 is too young to have to do soul searching._

_But many many thanks to my incredible reviewers!_

_Jenea Cappoen- You were my first reviewer! Thank you!! Hopefully you will continue liking what I have written!_

_Anonymous- I wish I had something else to call you, but thanks Mouse, keep checking in and I hope you'll keep reading and reviewing!_

_Aiden I- Haha, I know, I love skeezy Lucius and he only gets more and more skeezy because it's so fun to write him like that! I imagine if he wasn't a wizard, he'd have a molester 'stache and drive a windowless van. And thanks, I'm glad you like all the descriptions!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"_Just because I'm hurting, doesn't mean I'm hurt. Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved. No better and no worse."_

_Coldplay, Lost_

After the Sorting was over, Ismene forgot all about eating. Suddenly, she wasn't as hungry as she had been. All she felt was concern for Tristan. She smiled a fake smile at one of her house mates who had been pressuring her with food before she stood up and walked away from the Ravenclaw table, ignoring the stares and whispers from Slytherin, to slide into the seat left open next to her nephew. Tristan's nose was an exact replica of Ajax's. It was pronounced on his small face, but he would grow into it. His eyes, she assumed, he had got from his mother, but they had the kindness that his father always had swimming in them. He was a good mixture of both his parents and Ismene was thankful for that. She wasn't sure she could be brave enough to talk to him if he looked too much like her brother.

"How…how are you?" Ismene asked slowly, staring down at her hands as she nervously pinched the skin on the top of her right one. She didn't know how to talk to him just like how she didn't know how to talk to anyone.

Tristan swallowed his bite of potatoes before staring wide eyed at the aunt he barely knew. "I'm fine." His voice was small. "I don't have all my supplies."

"What do you mean?" Ismene asked though she already knew. Ajax's will had left all of his inheritance to his young son and it would have been enough to last the boy a long while. But after Ajax died, she knew her parents had probably taken it away. They weren't responsible for their half-breed grandson. They didn't claim him after all. She was surprised they hadn't demanded he not carry the name of Malfoy.

"We couldn't afford it." Tristan replied, "Mum doesn't make that much. She just works in a bookshop. I've got my spell books and my wand and robes. But I don't have a cauldron or dragon hide gloves or anything else."

Ismene felt sick. She didn't know how her parents slept at night knowing that their grandson was going without what he needed for Hogwarts. It was like they wanted him to fail and to accept the Muggle side of himself, that small part that was easily dominated by the magic flowing in his veins. "You can have mine." Ismene said without realizing it, overcome with a wave of pity. "I can get them later. We sometimes share cauldrons in fifth year potions and Professor Slughorn is sympathetic." She dropped her voice low and pointed to the fat man in the orange robes that reminded Ismene of pumpkins. "He might even try and collect you."

"Like a bug?" Tristan asked.

She chuckled to herself and shook her head. "No." she replied, "He likes to surround himself with famous people or ones who are very likely to be successful. He's the Potion's professor, like I said before, and if he finds out you're Abraxas Malfoy's great-grandson, he'll try and get you to join the Slug Club. I'd recommend it, you'll get away with murder for not having all of your potion's ingredients if you do."

"Are you in the club, Is?" Tristan asked, "I'll only join it if you're there."

Ismene sighed and propped her head in her hands. Slughorn had invited her to several of his parties last year after witnessing her proficiency with Charms and for her last name. She had declined each offer, though he still sent them to her. She didn't want to socialize with people who wanted to be famous. In fact, she didn't want to socialize with anyone at all. They would only compare her to her parents and she didn't need to be told how much she was like them or how powerful she was. She already knew that. But Tristan, she knew, would need to be social. He would need powerful friends and the recognition to get him someplace. To prove his grandparent's wrong. She could do it for him, at least for a year so he could get his feet on the ground. "Yes, I am." She lied, gritting her teeth. She would send a note to Slughorn at some point to ask if the offer still stood.

"Ismene, I didn't see you here." A voice said and Ismene looked up. Lily Evans held a gold plate in her hand before setting it down in the empty space across from them. Her prefect's badge glimmered on her robes just above the Gryffindor symbol. Ismene sighed inwardly. She had almost forgotten that Lily was a Gryffindor. "Hi, I'm Lily, welcome to Gryffindor." Lily stuck out her hand and, without blinking, Tristan shook it, a large smile on his face.

"I'm Tristan." He said, "I'm really excited to be in Gryffindor. Some boys I was talking to on the train told be about the houses and I was really worried I'd be in Slytherin."

Lily smiled. "Not all Slytherins are bad." She said and turned her head, waving to a boy with greasy hair and a large nose who was seated at the Slytherin table. I watched her gaze, surprised that it was actually Severus Snape she was waving to. They were friends? Impossible. He was as big of a blood purist as I was and he wasn't even a pureblood despite the fact he pretends to be one. "But I'm glad you're in Gryffindor, you'll do well here."

"I hope so." Ismene said.

"Oh, do you two know each other?" Lily asked.

I smiled. She was probably pretending to not see the resemblance or else my obvious discomfort with the entire situation was distracting. "He's my nephew." I replied.

"Oh, so you're a pureblood." Lily replied with a small frown, "Then why didn't you know about the houses? I thought it was always ingrained in your memories about the houses and which one was better then another one."

Ismene stood up quickly, starling Tristan away from his pumpkin pasty and spilling some pumpkin juice onto the table. She felt funny as she kicked the leg of the table. "He's not a pureblood." Ismene hissed, "He's just a miserable half-blood." Her words were too loud as she stomped out of the Great Hall ahead of everyone else. Ismene didn't need to follow the prefects to the Ravenclaw dormitory and she didn't need them telling her the answers to any of the riddles like a First Year. She jogged up a flight of stairs before feeling dizzy and collapsing against the stair rail. Hot tears stung her hot cheeks and she tried wiping them away. She remembered her words and the look on Tristan's face. He had looked so hurt. She just couldn't remember why she had said them. She just had.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him sink down next to her, hugging his legs to his chest. "That was a brilliant display of purism if I've ever seen one." He said, "and I've seen a lot."

"Go away, Sirius." Ismene replied. She kept her head turned away from him. She didn't want him to see her like this. He couldn't see her in a moment of weakness. She also didn't understand why he insisted on just popping up where ever she seemed to be. He was the worst pest she could think of to be pestering her.

"You've made my top ten best blood purist tantrums." Sirius replied. He extended his arms out in front of, his hands spread out wide. "You got bonus points for denying your own family. You're giving my mother a run for her money."

Ismene gave a small, barking laugh. "Are you sure you mother is being a blood purist or just venting her frustration for having you as a son."

Sirius shrugged. "In my case, the two go hand in hand."

"You're still a pure blood."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong." Sirius said. He ran his fingers through his hair before using them to prop himself up on the stairs. "You told me yourself in Diagon Alley that I'm nothing but a blood traitor. It's true and I'm rather proud of it."

"I don't see how that's something to be proud of." Ismene said, "You're abandoning your family."

"Just like you ran out on your nephew in there?" Sirius replied. "You're nothing but a hypocrite, you know."

"It's different."

"No it's not." Sirius said, "He's still your family whether or not your parents recognize him." He stood up and ruffled her hair playfully. "You need some friends, Malfoy."

Ismene followed after him and tried to flatten her hair back down. "Like you?"

Sirius smiled. "Precisely."

"I feel like you just want something from me." Ismene retorted.

"I do." Sirius said and placed a hand on her shoulder. Ismene tried to shrug him off, but his grip was strong. "First Hogsmeade weekend, go with me."

"I know for a fact your parents never signed your permission slip third year." Ismene replied, ignoring the fact that he had just asked her out on a day. For a moment, her heart had thudded quickly in her chest at the idea, but her happiness was extinguished quickly. "You can't go to Hogsmeade without permission until Seventh year."

Sirius smiled and the strange fluttering in her stomach returned. He was handsome in a devil-may-care sort of way, something she had tried to ignore despite what the few acquaintances she talked to on the occasion said about him. She knew his reputation, the rumors of the girls he'd snog or, heaven forbid, shag and dump a week later when he got bored with them. The date was probably another cruel prank he and his band of friends had planed. They'd probably try and shove her into the Shrieking Shack and laugh as she was frightened by the vicious ghosts that haunted it. No matter how cute he was when he smiled, she wasn't some innocent First year or someone who hadn't went to school with him for all five years. She knew Sirius Black and would never date him even if he paid her a million Galleons. "You know, Ismene, I really don't need some silly old permission slip to get out of this castle. Just one date. I'll even let you pay."

"I'm not going to go out on a date with you, Sirius." Ismene said.

"Why not? Are you too good for a blood traitor like me?"

Ismene didn't say anything, instead she walked away from him as the dizzy feeling in her head returned. She only paused at the very top of the moving stairs to look down over the banister. Sirius was still there, his hands in the pockets of his robes as he looked up at her before shaking his head and walking back down the stairs when the sound of James' voice came from the hallway below. She swallowed, suddenly remembering one thing she had wanted to ask him. "Sirius!" she shouted, wondering if it was all in vain.

It wasn't. He appeared on the stairs again, James a few steps below him waiting anxiously as if he waited for his friend every day. "My darling Ismene, is that you I hear calling me? You should know I adore the way you say my name with that slight lisp on the last 's'"

She blushed. She had had a lisp for a few years until her father got annoyed with it and fixed it with a well placed healing spell. The spell had begun to fade over the years and she had secretly taken up Muggle practices to get rid of it. They had worked surprisingly well, but she still occasionally let it slip back in when she had to yell. "Get over yourself, Black, I will never be your darling Ismene."

"Then why did you call me then?" Sirius asked, "James and I have important things to do. He's still trying to get Evans to like him?"

"Then he should stop being such a prat." Ismene replied, "She's too nice to date James Potter."

"I take offense to that." James responded, "I don't think I should take such abuse from a Malfoy. Come on Sirius, she'll probably try and curse us and make it look like an accident."

"Oh you're just jealous that I could pull it off." Ismene said, "But just let me tell you this too, Potter, if I ever hear even a rumor of you playing tricks on Tristan, then I will personally hunt you down and kill you, do you understand?"

James didn't say anything. He tossed his hair as if he was riding a broom before he marched off in a huff. But Sirius remained, his hands poised in a silent clap before he walked after James and disappeared.

When Ismene found her way up to the Ravenclaw dormitory, there was already a small group of First Years who had been locked out. The bronze eagle knocker stared patiently on at the group who scratched their heads in thought. Other houses had often teased the Ravenclaws for having a house that was easy to get into since they didn't have passwords, but used riddles instead. But she couldn't recall a time when anyone from another house had managed to get inside. "What's the riddle?" Ismene asked coarsely.

The knocker looked at her with a smug look if door knockers could give you looks. "There are four brothers in this world that were all born together. The first runs and never wearies. The second eats and is never full. The third drinks and is always thirsty. The fourth sings a song that is never good."

Ismene thought for a moment before looking over her shoulder at the First years. "You guys didn't know this one, really?" They all nodded before she looked back at the knocker. "It's the four elements. Water, Fire, Earth, and Wind." The knocker sighed and swung open. The First Years cheered and pushed past Ismene with hurried thank-yous while she followed after them, glowering at their rudeness.

The Ravenclaw common room was circular and airy. The carpets were lush and the color of midnight. Transparent blue drapes were suspended across the ceiling, bits of the dark night sky and its painted sky poking through the billowy drapes that made Ismene feel like she was in a fort made of sheets. The arched windows were one of her favorite parts of the common room and she could spend hours completely absorbed in staring out of them onto the lawns and the Black Lake below her. Big cushy chairs were positioned all around the room with a half circle of bookshelves on one side of the room. There were tables near some of the chairs, perfect for studying. Near the steps leading up to the dormitories, the marble bust of Rowena Ravenclaw herself was perched. When Ismene had been a first year, she had always been scared by the bust, worried that Rowena's eyes were moving and watching her, judging when she put off studying or finishing her rolls of parchment to try and socialize with her housemates.

But tonight was the first night back at Hogwarts so that meant that there was no homework to see to, no studying to do. Ismene carried herself up the stairs to her dorm and collapsed onto the blue silk bed cover. She buried her face into her pillow, hugging it to herself like an anchor. She was dizzy again and she squeezed her eyes shut, wishing the pain in her head would go away. She had felt like this off and on since she was young, but her parents always refused to take her to St. Mungo's since they had never thought it was anything serious. "Little girls get sick all the time." Her father had told her when the first bouts of dizziness came along when she had been six. "And little girl witches get sick a lot. You must be a very powerful witch then, Ismene." He had then given her a mug of hot chocolate and sent her off to study the illegal spell books he let her read.

"Hey, Ismene." The girl turned away from her pillow, squinting at the girl who was speaking to her. "Do you want to play a game of Exploding Snap? I told some of our new first year girls that you're the best in our house."

Ismene sat up and propped herself up on her elbow. "Bonnie Fluellen, I didn't know you were a liar."

The girl, Bonnie, tucked a strand of her frizzy brown hair behind her ear and nervously shuffled the deck of cards in her hands. "But I remember in second year, you were so good."

"I haven't played Exploding Snap since Ajax got himself killed." Ismene said, "I…I don't really want to play, Bonnie."

Bonnie shrugged her shoulders. "We've got Gobstones. Come on, I haven't known you not to get some sick enjoyment out of some poor innocent Muggle-born first year getting squirt in the face by some marbles."

Ismene smiled. Bonnie was nice enough for a half-blood. Her father worked somewhere in the ministry and whenever he sent Bonnie a package by owl post, he had always included something for Ismene too. She appreciated Mr. Fluellen's kindness since the man probably knew just how nasty her father really was behind closed doors. "You really know how to get a girl out of bed, don't you?"

The other girl winked. "It's my special skill."

They wandered out into of the dormitory and down a few steps to the First Year girl's rooms. The younger girls were all wide eyed and excited, constantly touching their Ravenclaw badges and their scarves and ties. Ismene remembered her first year and how exciting it had been despite her parents' initial disappointment with her being in Ravenclaw. They had gotten over it quickly, just glad that it wasn't Gryffindor. The little girls all looked up when Bonnie and Ismene came all the way into the room. Bonnie shook her bag of Gobstones at them and they hushed. Ismene didn't understand why they all seemed so amazed. Even half-bloods knew what Gobstones were. Unless, no…that was highly unlikely…the odds that they were all Muggle-born was impossible. "Are you ready to learn the rules to Gobstones?" Bonnie asked, but Ismene jerked her out into the hallway. "What?"

"All of them…they're all Muggle-born?" Ismene asked. The pain returned to her head and she squeezed her eyes shut before opening them to stare back at Bonnie.

"Yeah, they are." Bonnie said, "I know you're all about blood purity, but you aren't stupid, Ismene. You know that Muggle-borns are more common now." Then a concerned look crossed the girl's face and she reached out and grabbed Ismene by the elbow to steady her. "Are you alright? Your eyes look so…dead."

Ismene shook her head and gripped Bonnie's shoulder. "I'm fine. I just need a bit of fresh air, that's all."

She walked away and left Bonnie still standing in the landing with her bag of Gobstones and the worried look on her face. Ismene's feet carried her all the way to the edge of the Black Lake. She scooped up a handful of small pebbles and threw them with all her might into the dark water in front of her. Tearless sobs expanded her chest and she sank down to the ground and cradled her arms in her hands. She was sick of not feeling well for any reason. She was tired of having to pretend that she was okay with Muggle-borns. Her eyes caught a glimpse of the water in front of her and she wondered what it would be like to just walk into it and hope to be captured by the Merfolk or the Giant Squid. She didn't think she could handle seeing Tristan on a daily basis. He would seek her out and try to have a relationship with his aunt. He was kind, she could see it in his eyes.

She also didn't want to go home for Christmas holidays. She didn't want to know what Voldemort wanted her to do. She didn't want to do it. At least for now she didn't. Her left hand found its way around and she pulled it from her robes. This would faster. If she could only get the words out of her lips. There was a pressure on her mouth, some downward force keeping them shut. She felt her leg step forward into the water though she couldn't remember telling herself too. She was up to her waist in the water before she knew it and she could feel the water tugging at her robes, the thoughts in her mind urging her to go forward. She did. Her steps were small, though, as she started to panic. She didn't know what she was doing or why she was still walking into the water.

It was up to her neck now, small ripples splashing into her face, snapping her out of her depression as she coughed and tried to get out. Something was curled around her leg and she screamed, dropping her wand in the process. Ismene felt herself being pulled down, down, down into the water and she opened her eyes despite the fact that they burned. Grindylows had attached themselves to her and were pulling her further into the depths. For a moment, Ismene thought it would be a good idea for the Grindylows to just drown her. Her death would be accidental this way. Her chest ached and she felt her lungs fill up with water. She was drowning and knew it. She panicked. Her arms flailing as she tried, and failed, to pull herself toward the surface. The Grindylows were stronger then her and she was wandless. The stitch in her chest grew so big she felt like she was going to burst open, a huge canyon replacing her breasts. A river instead of organs. But she saw the flash of light in the dark and her hope was, perhaps slightly, renewed. An arm curled around her waste and was pulling her up, just as she fainted.

--

It was late in the evening before she woke up in a cot bed in the Infirmary. Madame Pomfry noticed and smiled as she walked to her bedside, pressing a cool hand against Ismene's forehead. "You gave us a bit of a fright, Miss. Malfoy." She said, "Students shouldn't go for late night swims in the lake. As a fifth year, you should know about all of the creatures that lurk within those depths."

"I...I know." Ismene replied. "I can't remember why I went out there."

The old nurse nodded sympathetically before spooning a yellow substance into Ismene's mouth. It tasted warm and sweet, but soon she was coughing up water and sludge into a pan Madame Pomfry held. "Get it all out. We want to make sure that no Grindylow got down your throat." After a few more spoonfuls, Ismene had vomited all she could before her chest ached and her throat felt sore. "There, there, now you just need to rest. Classes start soon and you don't want to be missing them."

Ismene sat up as Madame Pomfry started to leave. "Wait." She said and the nurse stopped. "Who rescued me?"

Madame Pomfry smiled and gestured to the vase of irises by her bed where her wand lay across a note with torn edges. "For all the students I see during the year coming up here because of Bat Bogey Hexes and having their teeth enlarged or any other hex, I think I have been proven partially wrong about Sirius Black. He carried you up here by himself, ignoring Remus Lupin's offers to help and James Potter insisting Sirius use magic. Maybe he isn't as bad as his pranks are. Sleep well, if you need me, I'll be in my office."

Ismene lay back on her pillows and pulled her sheets up to her chin. Sirius had saved her. Of all people to jump into the lake after her, it had to be him. The one boy she loathed and, maybe, even liked more then she wanted to admit. He was everything that her parents' and Lucius detested in a wizard.

He was a blood traitor.

He openly shared his hatred of people like his family.

He was a trickster.

He was a liar.

He was confusing.

But he could make her feel weak in the knees. He always had ever since their second year. As far as she could remember, he had never been directly cruel to her. He had called her "Malfoy" as much as he called her Ismene. He often said he was disappointed in her. He could look at her as darkly as she could look at him. They were opposites. They were alike. He was more like Ajax then anyone she had ever known.

He understood her more then anyone else.

Ismene shook her head as she rolled over onto her side. She tugged the letter gently out from underneath her wand. It was damp from where the water on her wand had soaked into it, smearing the ink slightly.

_Ismene-_

_You don't have to thank me. It's what friends do. What decent people do._

_But if you want to thank me- I enjoy Chocolate Frogs and a date the first Hogsmeade weekend this year. My offer from earlier still stands. You can pay. Try not to drown yourself again this year. It's a bloody pain to single handedly fight off Grindylows and make sure you weren't dead. And you are forbidden from teasing me- I know a Third Year could blast off Grindylows with a well placed Stunning Spell. I was panicked._

_-Sirius_

Her eyes flicked over the note a few more times, smiling at learning he liked Chocolate Frogs. They were her favorite too. A wake of exhaustion swept over her and she fell asleep the moment that she fell back onto the pillow. His note still clutched in her fist.

_Where has all this time suddenly come from? Oh yeah, it's me, putting off writing journals for Shakespeare and doing research for my research project in Southern Women Authors….and I really should be finishing up my final draft for my American literature class….but all that is stressful, so writing isn't a hard thing to use as destressers._

_Thank yous!_

_Wolfstar-Coyoteblaze-Blindegaze: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. And I will keep on truckin'. It's the only setting my life has!_

_Aurelia- You will. Tristan plays a big role in the story later on, especially for Ismene's moral development. Thanks for reading!_

_ABC123- I'm glad you think that Ismene is complex and that I've done a good job. I always like reading about characters who are conflicted to be both good and bad. They're a lot of fun to write, too!_

_Aiden I.- Tristan's role is fairly important. He becomes a bigger presence later on and is definitely a road bump for Ismene. He's fine in Gryffindor, he's charming and since he wasn't really raised a Malfoy, it doesn't take him very long to prove them all wrong. Oh I know, Antigone rocks, but I always thought Ismene, daughter of Oedipus, was more interesting because she just didn't know what to do and then she tried to jump in to take some blame out of love for her sister. It's an intentional namesake for her because it is a type of law- blood law, parental law. Either way, she's conflicted about whether or not do defy her own mental laws._

_Twilightluver919-TonksandLupin- Here is the next chapter! I hope you like it just as much as chapter 2!!_

_---And if anyone thinks the romance/flirtations between Sirius and Ismene are coming too quickly, let me know and I'll either just frustrate ya'll for longer or take a break from him popping up like some weird Fairy God-wannabe Boyfriend._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"_So who do you fool with that costume now? Everyone knows you're not who you seem. You've got a hard way about you. For someone who's passage is already paid. By the sins and the schemes of your father. And the infinite reach of his arm….for us it's a matter of charging the gates. For you it's a matter of blood and connections."_

_- Dashboard Confessional, Matters of Blood and Connections_

All weekend, she avoided Sirius Black whenever it was possible. She found herself peering around corners before she went into the Great Hall for breakfast and lunch to make sure he wasn't in there. At dinner, she walked in a ridiculous crouch behind a tall Sixth Year boy in her house and slumped over her plate with her long fringe covering her face like a curtain. Dinner was the hardest time of day to avoid anyone since all the houses ate at the same time, but Ismene found herself capable if she hid behind her hair and her housemates. Despite the fact that he had saved her, she didn't feel compelled to thank him. After all, he had told her in his note she didn't need to because good people naturally will save people who are in trouble. She assumed, though, he expected her to thank him with a date and a box of Chocolate Frogs. Ismene smirked in thought as she spun her fork around in her mashed potatoes. That was still assuming that Sirius Black thought she was a good person.

After dinner, she got up quickly and bolted out of the Great Hall. She thought about going back to her house to do a bit of reading, but decided instead to go to the library. Sirius wouldn't look for her there she hoped. The library was practically empty as she nestled on the floor in between two of the stacks. She pulled her Charms book close to her chest, glad that the right pages greeted her instead of what was held inside her Defense Against the Dark Arts book. She buried her nose within the pages, her eyes roving over the different spells. Charms to make your hair longer. To make spoons stir whatever pot they were in. There were cleaning charms. Cooking charms. Levitating charms. Summoning charms. Banishing charms. All of them were more advanced versions then in prior years and there were even a few charms that would be handy in duels. Her father had always sneered at any charm other then the ones that harmed someone else. Ismene rolled her eyes at this thought. Her father seemed to forget that those were called hexes or curses depending on the strength.

She read over a few of them, curious about what Fifth year Charms would be like. She had always liked Flitwick. He was her Head of House and she had gotten to know him very well over the years. He was cautious about his students, but he was known to occasionally sit amongst them as they studied, offering tutelage in various subjects. He was a typical Ravenclaw. Even though his specialty was in Charms, he was knowledgeable in a lot of subjects. Without his help, Ismene knew she probably would have flunked Muggle Studies when she had decided to take it her third year. Her father had promptly forced her to drop the class in her fourth year. Despite her struggle with it, she had enjoyed the class, but she hadn't let her father know that. She would have been punished if she let on that the reason she had taken the class in the first place was because of Ajax's wife. Muggles were interesting because they were so different. She didn't understand how someone could live without magic. Ismene could barely go a day without it.

An hour past and her eyelids started to get heavy. She stood up and cradled her book against her chest as she snuck out of her hiding place, still worried that Sirius would pop out at her. Instead, someone else lurched out of the darkness at her and instinct took over as she smacked him in the face with her text book. Severus Snape rubbed the side of his prominent nose with his hand while Ismene stared on in abject horror. She hadn't meant to necessarily strike him, but it wasn't a big deal to her. He shouldn't be lurking in dark hallways like an oversized bat. "What was that for? Are you going to go around like Black and Potter too? Hurting people for no good reason?"

Ismene rolled her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic, Snape, it was an accident." She stooped down to get her book and she pressed it against her chest. "Besides, you…scared me." She hated to admit it, but it was true. She was actually easily frightened.

Snape prodded his nose with two of his fingers before letting his hand drop to his side. His greasy hair was falling into his face like a curtain and his eyes were dark and worried. "I hear you know about the dark arts."

"That depends on who wants to know." Ismene replied coolly, "I don't tend to go around trading that sort of information with people. Especially at Hogwarts. I could get myself expelled."

She tried to push her way past him, but he caught her by the shoulder and spun her around. His beady eyes bored holes into her skull and for a moment, Ismene was afraid of him. She had heard stories about Severus Snape, but she had dismissed them all as rumors since the majority of them had come from brief conversations with Sirius. But one of them was proving itself to be true- he was interested in the Dark Arts. Inwardly, Ismene giggled. She should probably write to her father and tell him about Snape. She'd have a new brother within and hour of him getting her letter. She also didn't know why Lily was his friend. He seemed to be just as slimey, just as sneaky as any other Slytherin. He was just as power hungry as she was. "I'd really appreciate it if you would let me know anything that you know."

"You can have my Defense Against the Dark Arts book." Ismene said and Snape grumbled.

"I don't want to defend myself against it." Snape said.

Ismene repeated herself, changing the inflection on her words so that Snape understood. Maybe he was intelligent, but she didn't see it. He wordlessly walked off and she was going to have to figure out a way to get him her book. Maybe someone could give it to him, but she didn't want to risk them looking into it and knowing what she was up to. She would have to send it by owl, then. That was the only way she could refuse to admit that it was hers if anyone asked. She also didn't want anyone to know she associated with Severus Snape. He made her uneasy.

She left the library in a hurry as she walked down the hallway in search of something to do that would keep her out of Sirius' eye line. He and his friends were buddies with Hagrid, so perhaps they were down at his hut. They could also be practicing Quidditch since James was a Chaser. She doubted that they were studying, though Remus Lupin could be. He was quiet and studious and, like Lily, Ismene didn't know why he was in Gryffindor. She wandered down another hall way, pressing herself against a wall as a group of seventh years trooped past. She glowered at their backs. She didn't understand why they thought they could take up the entire hallway. Keeping her head down, she wandered out into the yards in front of Hogwarts.

The sun was slowly starting to sink down in the sky, causing the blue to fade into ribbons of pink and orange, and indigo. Ismene had always liked twilight and the night time. She had once joked with her father that she was going to run away to Romania and get herself bitten by a vampire so she wouldn't have to go out into the sunlight. The idea was starting to sound better since she was sure Voldemort wouldn't want a vampire to work for him. She sank down in the grass. Her arms were stuck out behind her to prop herself up and out of the corner of her eye she noticed the pale blank flesh of her left arm. She had seen Lucius' mark once before. It was a dark, ugly thing that resembled a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth when it was first put on his arm. Every so often it returned to being that black, but usually it was just a faint outline on his arm. Ismene still didn't want one. She didn't want to be branded like cattle.

"I heard about what happened to you last night." Lily Evan's voice trickled down from above her before the girl sat down and hugged her knees. "Are you alright?"

Ismene smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine." She gently touched one of the bruises the Grindylow left on her neck. "I hope these last until Christmas. Maybe I can convince my cousin I have a boyfriend and he'll leave me alone."

"Your cousin?"

"I know." Ismene said softly, "It's a blood purity thing. Marry in the family or in some other pure-blood family or else you'll be kicked out of the family for being a blood traitor." She stared at Lily for a few moments before shaking her head. "I shouldn't be telling you all this. I shouldn't really be talking to you."

"Why not?" Lily asked. "Or do I even want to know?"

"You probably don't want to know." Ismene replied, "What's that old Muggle saying? Ignorance is bliss."

"I've been in this world for five years now, Ismene." Lily said sternly, "I know all about blood purism. I know that you're family is one of the biggest old wizarding families in the world. Don't try and keep me ignorant to it. I know that I'm nothing but a Mudblood, all those boys in Slytherin taunt me about it."

Ismene watched Lily for a few moments as the quiet tears of anger and sadness streamed down her pale face. "I'm…I'm sorry, Lily. I can't even imagine what it's like. I've never had to worry about it."

"Well, you know, you're wishy washy attitude about it doesn't really help matters at all." Lily said. She wiped off her cheeks with the hem of her robe before continuing. "You know, after you stormed off the other night, Tristan was really upset. He told me that he hadn't expected that from you and that his dad had always told him when he got to Hogwarts to look up to you because you're one of the smartest relatives he's got. He cried for about an hour because he thought his dad was mistaken." Lily then got quiet for a few moments before taking a deep breath. "As a prefect, we were told that we should know certain things about our younger housemates just in case things like this happened. D'you…do you mind telling me about Tristan's father? What happened?"

"Ajax, Tristan's dad, was killed when he was nine." Ismene said softly, "I watched. Lily, I watched my cousin kill my brother and I didn't do anything until Ajax was dead."

Lily gave her a sympathetic look before venturing to touch the other girl's knee. "You were only, what, 12 or 13, you couldn't've done anything to help. Besides, what third year could duel a full grown wizard not to mention that you can't do magic outside of Hogwarts when you're underaged."

"It's different for us, Lily. The Ministry can't really enforce that rule in a house where there is more then just one wizard. They can't tell who cast the spell or not." Ismene returned Lily's look darkly. "I've been doing magic since I was six, but I can't really remember it." Then she took another deep breath as the sun's rays tried to fight against the darkness, but was losing terribly to the night. She needed a friend, she needed someone to talk to. She had Bonnie, but then she wasn't someone that Ismene felt all that close to. But then, she couldn't tell Lily. The tingling feeling was slowly starting to return to her fingers and she shook them instinctively, wishing it would go away. "There are a lot of things I remember doing, but I can't remember why. It's so strange. When I walked into the lake, I just remember going to the edge and throwing in some rocks. Then the next thing I knew, I was drowning. I don't know how I got there and then Sirius saved me and it was all…it was strange."

"I can't imagine Sirius saving anyone." Lily said, "Unless he was getting house points for it. We were up by two hundred last night and I was wondering where they came from."

"I'm glad my life is just worth two hundred house points." Ismene said with a laugh. "Actually, if my father had his way, I wouldn't be worth that much." She gritted her teeth against the sharp pain in her skull and she pressed the heels of her palms against her forehead. She felt sick and far away, her eyes meeting Lily's. She could barely tell that the girl was still there since she had begun to back away.

Words were coming out of Lily's mouth, but Ismene couldn't hear them. All she saw was her lips moving, forming words but not forming sounds. Ismene could see her wand in her left hand. She could hear the sound of the spell in her ears. The warmth as the power from the magic filled her body. Her head ached as she struggled to lower her wand arm. Lily didn't seem to have hers. "It's not fair." Ismene said out loud to no one, "She's not armed. It's not fair." She whispered over and over again until she was able to drop her wand. A hot sweat dotted her forehead and she dashed away, leaving Lily alone just as darkness came.

--

Potions was her first class of the new school year and Ismene dreaded it more then anything. Whichever professor made up the schedules must hate her. After last night's incident where she almost attacked Lily Evans and her avoidance of Sirius Black since she had got to school, it was obviously the worst sort of fate that it was double Potions with Gryffindor. She sat in the back of the classroom as far away from Slughorn as she possibly could get. She would have to talk to him soon and try to convince him if she needed to that she should be let into the Slug Club if he had finally retracted his offer. She could maybe use a Memory modification spell to make him think she had been in the club all along if he didn't let her in. All she could do was try and at least hope she could convince him that Tristan would be a good candidate.

She set up her cauldron so it hid her from view and prodded the fire beneath it with her wand to make sure that it was the perfect temperature. She had her Potions' book in front of her, her eyes roaming the page just as Bonnie sat down next to her. "Maybe you should ask Professor Slughorn for a potion to cure those bruises." She said, gesturing to the Grindylow marks. "They look awful."

"I rather like them." Ismene said, "They're battle wounds."

"Okay." Bonnie said as she set out all of her ingredients. "Oh no, I don't have all of my beetle eyes. I must have forgot them in my room." She scooted back her chair and stood at the end of the table. "I need to go back and get them, but I'll be late for class. Do you think Slughorn will let me go get them."

Ismene tugged her wand out of her bag and gave it a quick flick. "I think you need to remember you're a witch. _Accio Bonnie's beetle eyes._" A few moments later, the glass bottle whizzed into the dungeon room and nestled itself in between lacewings and newt tails. Sometimes Bonnie let the Muggle part of her overcome her witch self. She often was known to go the Muggle route to get things instead of summoning them. She would struggle for hours to put together things when Ismene had been done a lot sooner by just flicking her wand at whatever it was. Sometimes the girl just didn't think about things. "Better?"

The girl nodded just as everyone else settled into their seats and Slughorn stepped up to the front of the class. "Welcome, welcome to Fifth year Potions." He said, his arms out in front of him in a gentle gesture. "We will be preparing for the O.W.L.s this year and some of you may find the reviewing portions of this class tedious, but don't you worry. We will be learning new and more difficult potions all year, I promise! And I always keep my promises and we will be starting with a new potion this year. Everyone turn to page 125 in your books, please and look at the Befuddlement Draught."

The sound of pages being turned filled the classroom and Ismene started to organize her ingredients. She piled scurvy-grass, lovage, and sneezewort in front of her before she began to follow the directions. Bonnie stared at her, wide eyed. "What are you doing?" She hissed. Her hand encircled Ismene's wrist to keep her from dropping a handful of sneezewort into the cauldron. "Slughorn still hasn't gone over the potion yet."

Ismene shrugged. When had she cared about following directions? Potions was her least favorite class and she knew Slughorn. He liked little competitions and whoever was the first done always won. She could care less about the prize. She just wanted to leave. Besides, there wasn't much to explain. The name of the potion was pretty self-explanatory. Bonnie listened. The tip of her quill made _scrit scrit scritch _across her parchment as she jotted down everything Slughorn said, including the rules of the competition. Ismene was stirring the potion that was a warm butterscotch color and she added another few sprigs of scurvy-grass and smiled as it turned the correct golden tone. She ladled out a few ladles into her phials and put stoppers in the tops.

Slughorn stared at her from over his walrus-like mustache when she handed him her finished potion. He studied it carefully and then looked and examined her cauldron that was still simmering softly over the flame. "That was very quick, Miss. Malfoy, I assume you weren't paying attention to me again."

"It's become a habit." Ismene replied, "But if I were allowed into the Slug Club, I think I might be able to rein in my wandering mind a bit."

The Potions master smiled as he tucked her phials into a phial rack on his desk and put his hands on her shoulders. "Of course you are welcome to the Slug Club. I've been asking you for years. With your family background, I was disappointed you weren't in Slytherin. But, Miss. Malfoy, I'm afraid that I'll have to take twenty points from Ravenclaw." Ismene's face dropped. She had never lost points for her house, in a class anyway. Who did Slughorn think he was? "I understand that look of befuddlement on your face, clearly you inhaled some of the fumes, which I warned you against. You would know this had you been listening to me. It pays to pay attention, Miss. Malfoy. I know you are clever, but Potions can be surprisingly dangerous. You may go. I'll send you an invitation to our first party. Remember! You'll need a date. Pretty girl like you should be able to find one."

Ismene rolled her eyes as she heard sniggering from the back of the room. She glared at James Potter. He was staring at her from over the rim of his cauldron as he nudged Sirius in the ribs with his elbow. "With a face as pinched as hers, it'll be harder then Slughorn thinks."

Casually, she pulled her wand from her bag and pointed it at James' cauldron. "_Locomotor cauldron._" She said. The cauldron rose into the air and with a swift tap of her wand against the air, the cauldron tipped over, spilling its' contents onto the floor. Both James and Sirius jumped onto their table to avoid the liquid and Slughorn had his wand out in an instant to clean up the mess and to make sure that the boys didn't get affected by the potion. Ismene didn't wait to see if they were all right. Instead, she walked out of the dungeon classroom and was ready to get to Transfiguration early.

She sat in the hallway outside of McGonagall's classroom listening to the first years make attempts to turn needles into matchsticks. She didn't have class until later in the afternoon and actually had Ancient Runes instead. But she knew that Tristan had Transfiguration then and she wanted to talk to him. She believed Lily when she had said that he had cried about what she had done and she had worked herself up to being able to apologize for it. In her mind and thoughts, she practiced what she would say. She imagined herself pulling him into her arms and telling him that his father wasn't ever wrong, that Ajax was right about everything. She remembered her brother's last words to her, about making her own choices. She needed to start making them and make sure they were the right ones. Her first stop would be apologizing to Tristan.

Half an hour passed before the classroom door opened and nine first years walked out in the hallway before Tristan came out. His bag hung around his shoulder haphazardly and it looked like the strap was about to fall off. It was patched all over the places with Muggle bands his mother must like. His robes were too long and were badly hemmed in some places. His appearance broke her heart. "You could use a little magic, bud." Ismene said as he walked in front of her.

Tristan's gray eyes met hers and he frowned. "I don't want to talk to you." He said harshly. He walked away from her, struggling to carry his bulging bag so that it wouldn't split open.

Under her breath, she whispered a spell to fix it. The threads tightened automatically and invisible threads fixed up all the holes. The bag even looked cleaner. Then Ismene recognized that the patches weren't from Muggle bands at all. They were all wizarding bands that Ajax had liked, the really obscure ones she had never heard of. She had forgotten about that bag. She remembered a story about when Ajax had first gotten it for his third year of Hogwarts how he had carried a baby her around in it. There was a picture of it tacked up on the wooden canopy of her bed, away from her parents' prying eyes. Besides, she had made sure there was a permanent sticking charm on the back of it just in case.

The little boy spun when he realized that his bag was fixed and gazed at his aunt through squinted eyes. He looked at all of the patches and tested the repaired strap. "You fixed it?" he asked softly, "thanks, Ismene."

"It's what aunts do." Ismene said and walked to him, daring to put an arm around his shoulders. He was tall, she hadn't realized that at the feast. He would be taller then her in a year or two. He shivered when she touched him, probably a reflex because she was sure he had decided to hate her, but couldn't bring himself to it. "Listen, Tristan, about the other night and what I said at the feast. I'm really sorry." She said, "I wasn't myself." Of course, she didn't exactly know who she was, but she knew who she didn't want to be.

And to Tristan, she didn't want to be a replica of his grandparents. She just wanted to be his aunt. She wanted to be able to tell him stories about Ajax so that he would feel like he knew his father. She wanted him to have the few pictures she had of Ajax so he could see just how much he resembled his father as he got older.

Most importantly, she wanted to be his friend.

--

_Happy belated Halloween! I meant to have this out yesterday, but life took advantage of me and plus, it was Halloween and there were trick or treaters and other festivities to be had. Not that I do much anyway. On the brightside, maybe this chapter will tide ya'll over. My schedule for November is packed and I think school may, in fact, kill me, so if I manage to get my act together and stop procrastinating, chapters may get larger gaps in their updates. _

_Thank yous!_

_ABC123- I love Tristan too. He's just precious._

_Tonidepp16- I'm glad you love it. I agree, I like Sirius/OC fics too because I'm sure if I went to Hogwarts with him, I might be one of the girls that Ismene hates, the ones who fawn over him ridiculously._

_Hellbell-Thanks! There will be lots of Sirius and Ismene interactions to come!_

_Wolfstar- Yeah, sometimes Ismene doesn't think. But there's more to her almost drowning then you think._

_Aiden I- I can't agree more. I feel like Sirius is one of those people who has a different personality depending on who he's with, but deep down, I'm with you. There's more to Sirius Black then being a Marauder. Plus, I've sort of wanted to make Sirius/Ismene's relationship start sort of like James/Lily's where there's that air of hatred (but Ismene doesn't hate Sirius, she's just proud…OMG, she's Elizabeth Bennett and he's Darcy…eff…) but they get together sooner then J/L. And yes, I so did the Slug Club thing on purpose…_

_Jenea- I love creepy Lucius which is probably why I made him so creepy. I have a hard time believing he isn't a creep. I agree with both of you, I like heroic Sirius a lot because it does make him more complex. I'm glad you want to learn more about Ismene and her time at Hogwarts!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"And I wish I wasn't here tonight, but this is my life."- City & Colour, "Hello, I'm in Delaware"

For the first night since reconnecting with Tristan, Ismene dreamt of Ajax.

The memory seemed fuzzy to her as she reached the depths of her sleep when it became achingly clear.

_They were standing just outside of Ollivander's Wand Shop, Ajax's hand firmly on her shoulder. She was eleven, buying her very first wand of her own. Her father had forced her to practice with his own, refusing to get hers until she was old enough to go to Hogwarts. But when her letter had come, he had refused to let her enroll in the school until she threatened to runaway if he didn't let her go. Running away wouldn't have done much good, she had been ten years old at the time, her father could have found her. He relented and somehow had allowed for Ajax to do the honors of taking her to get her supplies, though she believed that Ajax had Confunded him on that visit._

_ Above the shop hung a sign that read, in peeling gold letters, "Ollivander's: __Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C" and in the window sat a single wand on a purple display cushion. Ajax pushed her inside and she bit her lip nervously as the old man with white hair as fine as candy floss looked at her from the counter. "Ah, Ajax Malfoy, I remember you." The old man said, "Vine, 13 1/2 inches, dragon heartstring."_

_ "Very good, Mr. Ollivander." Ajax said, slipping his wand out of the sleeve of his robes. "It has served me well over the past few years. I'm rather fond of it."_

_ "No doubt, it is fond of you." Mr. Ollivander said and then turned his blue eyed gaze to Ismene. "Ah, come to get your first wand then?"_

_ Ismene nodded nervously, before Ajax pushed her forward. Mr. Ollivander pulled a box from a crowded shelf, lifting a wand from it. "Try this one, my dear. Holly, 111/2 inches, phoenix feather." She held it and gave it a wave, but nothing happened and Ollivander snatched it from her hand. He handed her another, "Perhaps this one, Ash, 10 ½ inches, dragon heartstring." Again, there was nothing that happened. No magic flowed through her like it did on the occasion with her father's wand. Ismene was beginning to fear that she had become a Squib. _

_There was soon a pile of wands on Ollivander's counter before he used his wand to place them all back into their packages and he moved to another tall shelf. Every so often he would slide a wand box off the shelf, but then would glimpse in her direction before putting it away. Finally, he came from the very back of his store, carrying a navy blue box. "I think I've found it." He said, slipping it out and handing it to her. "Hawthorn, 12 inches, unicorn hair."_

_This time, when she gripped the handle, she felt the magic shoot through her. She felt powerful and important with a wand that had bonded to her. She stood there and Ollivander almost snatched it away from her before she pointed it at him, the first spell coming to her mind. "Crucio."_

"_Expelliarmus!  
_

_Before Ollivander was in much pain, Ajax had disarmed her, the two men staring at her. Ajax slammed too many Galleons onto Ollivander's desk, apologizing over and over again as he dragged her out of the shop, her wand in his fists. "Ismene, what were you thinking? That's an Unforgivable Curse." He shouted. "It hurt Mr. Ollivander. It causes severe pain."_

_Ismene burst into tears, wiping them away with her fists. "I didn't know!" she cried, "I swear I didn't know, Ajax. Papa uses it on me all the time."_

"_What?"_

"_When I'm bad, when he doesn't control me with magic, he hurts me." Ismene whined, "I didn't know it was that spell, though. I thought that was the one that made you do things. I just wanted Mr. Ollivander to not take my wand away."_

_Ajax handed her the wand that had chosen her and ran his fingers through his hair. "That's the Imperius Curse, but it's Unforgivable too." He placed his hands on her shoulders and dropped onto one knee so he was able to look at her on her own level. "Does Cadoc control you?" Ismene nodded reluctantly, afraid to admit it, worried about the punishment she could receive if her father knew. "What does he make you do?"_

"_Study."_

"_Study what, Ismene?"_

"_The Dark Arts." Ismene said and then began crying again. "Oh Ajax, I wasn't supposed to tell you that! Papa will punish me for it."_

_Her brother pulled her close to him, hugging her to his chest. "I wish I could take you away, but I can't." he whispered and then pushed her out from him at an arm's length. "But promise me that you won't ever perform Dark magic with this wand."_

"_I promise."_

Ismene woke up with a start, shoving her sheets and comforter onto the floor. The dream was still running through her mind as she found her wand with her fingers. She couldn't see it in the darkness, but just feeling it in her hands made her thing of her dead brother and the promise she had made, the promise she had broken.

It had been a hard promise to keep, trying not to disobey her father who would only force her to do things by force. Unlike Ajax, who had the strength to stand up to their father, who had managed to escape from the tight constraints of his family, Ismene had never been able to do that. She was duty bound to her family and she couldn't refuse their demands while she was at home. But with the promise refreshed, she consigned herself to trying to keep the promise she had made to her brother, to not do Dark Magic with her wand at least while she was at Hogwarts.

And though it wasn't magic at all, she knew she needed to start fresh and thank Sirius Black properly for saving her from the Grindylows.

Like Potions, somehow Ravenclaw had drawn the luck of having double Transfigurations with Gryffindor. Clutching the box of Chocolate Frogs she had received by Owl Order that morning from Honeyduke's, she walked to where he was joking with James Potter and slammed him down in front of him. "I ordered the biggest box my owl could carry."

Sirius smiled, breaking the seal on the box and he took one out, handing it to her. "Here's a tip."

She batted his hand away but he continued to insist until she took the Chocolate Frog from him. "I figured I should at least thank you for saving me. No one else would have."

"Don't say that." Sirius said, "I just happened to be the closest person to you."

"I wouldn't have saved you." James Potter said and he winced. Sirius had kicked him underneath the table. "What? She acted like a right git on the stairs the other night and on the train."

"You're acting like a git." Ismene retorted, flinging the candy at his head, knocking his glasses onto the floor. "Can't a girl apologize without being insulted."

"Ignore James here, he's just frustrated that Lily Evans won't pay him any attention." Having retrieved his glasses, it was James' turn to shove Sirius, who barely managed to keep himself from tumbling into the floor. "But if I remember my words correctly, it's not a full apology until I get a date."

"I'm not going out with you." Ismene said.

Sirius then lifted up his box of Chocolate Frogs and shoved it against her chest. "Then I can't accept these."

"Yes you can." Ismene said, "I'm giving them to you."

"But then I can take them." Sirius replied, "But I don't accept your apology."

A frustrated scream escaped her throat and she stomped to her seat. Sirius turned around in his, waving at her to get her attention. "It's just one date, Ismene, that's only three or four hours you would have to spend with me and then I'd leave you alone."

Beneath her desk, she fiddled with the handle on her wand, but fortunately, Professor McGonagall walked into room and they began their lessons on how to transfigure animals into various objects and back again. The entire time Ismene was tapping her wand against the cockatoo she had been assigned, watching it go from bird to a book to a figurine of a couple dancing a waltz across the table and back to bird she glared at Sirius, but would look away whenever she sensed that he was about to turn around and look at her.

"Miss. Malfoy, your bird!" McGonagall said and Ismene jumped suddenly at the ball of flames hovering over her desk that soon went out, leaving a pile of ashes that smelt of singed feathers on her desk. "Class, this is a perfect example of the importance of concentration during Transfiguration. I know you are very intelligent, Miss. Malfoy, but pray tell, what were you thinking about that cause your bird to burst into flames?"

Before Ismene could speak, Sirius Black had joined them. He waved his wand over the pile of ashes, transfiguring them back into the cockatoo. "Don't be angry, professor, Ismene just has a big, fiery crush on me, that's all."

"I do not." Ismene snapped, her wand in her hand and she muttered a spell under her breath, turning Sirius' tie into a million butterflies.

McGonagall looked from Sirius to Ismene, a frown on her face. "Ten points from Ravenclaw for not paying attention." She said and then looked back at Sirius, "and five points from Gryffindor for not minding your own business, Mr. Black." Then she waved her own wand and returned the tie to its rightful owner. "Class dismissed."

"I think the butterflies were symbolic." Ismene over heard Sirius telling James and Remus as she walked past them. "They must have come from all the butterflies in her stomach that she gets whenever she's around me."

"Don't flatter yourself, Black, the only thing you fill my stomach with is bile." Ismene hissed and walked swiftly out of the classroom, ready for the day to be over.

The thought of asking Sirius on a date to relieve her debt to him annoyed her as she went from class to class, trying to come up with any reason to avoid it. In Charms, she thought about asking Professor Flitwick for a charm she could use on Sirius, to just make him not want to go on the date, but she never found the time to ask him. During Herbology, she wondered if there was a plant she could make him eat so he would think she had went on the date with him if she fed it to him in a mug of Butterbeer.

It wasn't until Tristan found her at lunch, an emerald green envelope in his hands, that a good enough opportunity presented itself to her. He sat beside her, tossing the envelope onto her plate before he fixed his own. "What is this?"

"Professor Slughorn gave it to me during Potions this morning." Tristan said in between bites of carrots. "I got one too! You were right, he did want me to be in the Slug Club."

Ismene snorted. It wasn't because Slughorn thought her nephew was anything special. It was simply because he had wanted to collect her so badly that he was bending to her will. She tore the invitation open and scanned the information. The party was going to be held on Halloween and everyone was to wear a costume. Guests were encouraged to bring dates and at least now she had a good enough excuse. This way, it would be a real date to Sirius, but to her it would just be fulfilling one of Slughorns bizarre requirements.

She finished eating her lunch with Tristan and turned him into her own messenger. She scribbled out a note to Sirius on a scrap of parchment, telling him the details about their "date" before she watched Tristan dash off. He seemed to like Hogwarts. He had told her that he had made some friends in Gryffindor and when pressed about whether or not anyone was bullying him, he shrugged and said no. At least she would know if he was lying, she could always tell if someone was lying to her and she doubted Tristan would even lie. His father wasn't a noted liar at least. But there was always the chance.

Ismene made to follow after Tristan, to make sure he was doing alright, but she felt a hand on her shoulder and whirled around, wand at the ready. Severus Snape looked back at her through narrowed eyes. "You know, you look more bat faced when you look at people like that." Ismene said, dropping her wand.

"Where's the book?"

For a moment, Ismene had forgotten she had even promised to give Snape anything and she pointed her wand up and sighed, "_Accio Defense Against the Dark Arts book_." There was a loud zipping noise before her book flew into the Great Hall, causing some third years to dive away from it before it hovered and then landed softly in Snape's hands. "But if I hear about you causing trouble with it, then I'll have something very special worked up for you that would make you regret it." She warned and Snape didn't seem phased. "I mean it, Snape."

He rolled his eyes. "What are you going to do about it, Malfoy? Sic Black on me?"

Before Snape had a chance to react, Ismene had cast the spell, blasting him backwards for a few feet. "I don't need Sirius Black to help me you filthy little half-blood." She then walked closer to him, kicking him sharply in the side. "What in the bloody hell do you even think you're going to do with that magic?" She sank down beside him, her voice dropping to a whisper. "It can destroy you."

Snape surprised her by drawing his wand and hexing her, a jet of white light hitting her face. She held onto her cheek where the spell had burned her, the smell of flesh filling her nostrils. Ismene pulled out her wand and wordlessly thought about the spell she had become so familiar with. Snape crumpled, writhing on the floor screaming. His shouts of pain caused other students to shout and, with Snape's face contorted almost beyond normal expression, another voice disarmed her. Ismene watched the trajectory of her wand as it flew away from her and dropped at Professor Dumbledore's feet. "Mr. Filch, will you please escort Mr. Snape to the Hospital Wing?" Dumbledore said to the caretaker that had rushed into the room, possibly hoping to find a student to punish himself, but was resigned to escorting a wobbly Snape out of the Great Hall.

Dumbledore stooped down to retrieve Ismene's wand, his long white beard brushing the ground despite being tucked into his belt. He rolled her wand around in his hands while she studied him. She had never had much experience with Dumbledore outside of the beginning of term feast. But she knew everything that her father said about Dumbledore and that it was he wasn't true to the Cause and was about vanquishing Voldemort. He loved Muggles and Muggle-borns. He was powerful and for that, Ismene feared him rather than admired him. "Miss. Malfoy, I hope you are aware that Hogwarts has rules, even for people who come from such esteemed families as yours."

"Are you going to expel me?" Ismene asked.

Surprisingly, the Headmaster shook his head. "I can't expel you, Miss. Malfoy, though I must warn you if I ever hear of you using Unforgivable curses on your classmates, I will have to inform not just the staff at Hogwarts to meet for a vote about your expulsion, but the Ministry will have to be involved." He handed her back her wand. "But, I have to admit I am impressed with you skill at wordless magic and I can't say that I have any proof that you were performing the Cruciatus curse on Mr. Snape."

"What are you going to do to me then?" Ismene asked. Instead of seeing Dumbledore standing in front of her, she was seeing Ajax. His disappointed face the same as the one he had worn that day outside of Ollivander's. "I broke the promise." She whispered, surprised that Dumbledore heard her.

"I beg your pardon?'

"It's nothing. I won't do it again, professor."

"I certainly hope not." Dumbledore said, "It's a dark time, Miss. Malfoy, and I would hope that the students of this school will use their talents for the good of their fellow witch or wizard. Blood purity isn't everything. The best witch or wizard often comes from the humblest of backgrounds. You can remember that when you are serving a full month's detention with Professor Flitwick. And your classmates can certain shame you about losing two hundred points. It's a pity that might set Ravenclaw back for the entire year in the winning the House Cup."

The Headmaster left her with her mouth hanging open in shock. He hadn't expelled her or snapped her wand. She was still a student at Hogwarts despite knowing she had a month of forced tutoring and homework correcting with Flitwick to look forward to, perhaps even other punishments to fit her crime. She decided that the castle had become too stuffy and wandered out doors to clear her mind.

Deep down, she had hoped that Dumbledore would have expelled her. It would have been easier that way because her father could instruct her. She wouldn't have to learn anything unnecessary and she could work on her own without having anyone looking over her shoulder or distracting her in ways that only Sirius Black could.

But then Hogwarts had always made her feel safe, much to her surprise. She didn't have to worry about Lucius attacking her or her father bending her to his will every waking moment. Though, some days she wondered about that. When she had attacked Snape, it had felt strange. Half-bloods didn't disgust her as much as Muggle-borns did, but she had tortured him with a fiendish glee as if she had a Mudblood at the end of her wand. It was also the fact that she had broken Ajax's promise. She had kept it for years, at least in the loose terms he had asked her, she never performed Unforgivables with her own wand. She always used her father's.

At least, that was, until today.

"So, I have two questions for you." Sirius Black said as he found her in, of all places, the spot behind the greenhouses. Ismene looked up at him and waved for him to sit down. She was beginning to realize not matter how hard she had tried; Sirius just wasn't going to give up. At least he was persistent. He took her silence to mean that he should go on and he waved the scrap of parchment beneath her nose. "The first is: do we need to have themed costumes? Because I was thinking we needed to be something absolutely horrifying. And second: did you really beat Snivellus in a duel?"

Ismene laughed. She had expected what had occurred in the Great Hall to get around, but it had happened faster then she had thought it would. "I'll answer the second question first: yes. As for the first question, I don't think it needs to be a theme, Sirius."

Sirius laughed and stretched himself out in the grass beside her, hands behind his head. "We need to match, at least, because I don't want some other bloke thinking he can ask you to dance. You're my date."

"It's not a—" Ismene stopped herself before she could finish what she was saying. Otherwise, she would have to take Sirius anyway and she would owe him what he considered to be a real date. "Yes, I guess we can have matching costumes. What do you think would be an appropriate level of terror for this Slug Club get together."

"I'm thinking we dress up like dragons," Sirius said, "And enchant them so they really roar and blow fire."

"Or we could dress up like Muggles." Ismene suggested and this caused Sirius to frown.

"Muggles aren't scary."

"To me they are."

Sirius stood up, shoving his hands deeply into his pockets. "You know, Malfoy, I don't really like your attitude." He said, "You're bloody cute, but then you open your mouth and say things like that. You're like my parents."

"I know!" Ismene said and she stood up after him. "I know I am! Don't tell me things I already know, Sirius. I can't help being this way. It's how I was raised! My entire future is planned out for me. I was born into practicing the Dark Arts and I'll die practicing them. It's as simple as that."

"That's not simple." Sirius shouted. "It's not! You don't have to be that way, you don't. No one is forcing you to be like that!"

"You don't know that, Sirius." Ismene said, "You don't know that I'm not being forced."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked.

He made to grab her hand, but she shook him off, trudging up the hill back to the castle before she whirled on him. "You don't know me, Sirius Black! You don't know me at all!"

The last words she heard were his carried up to her on the wind. "I'm trying to! Merlin knows I'm trying!"

_A/N- Sorry about the month's long hiatus. I was finishing up with my junior year of college and I've been in Greece and working working working, so I just have now been able to pick back up on this. _

_Aiden I- I know, I've tried to make their relationship both antagonistic and having it be obvious that they both like each other and that Ismene really does need him in her life, but they just won't admit it to each other at all._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

'_And my head told my heart "Let love grow" But my heart told my head "This time no  
This time no"'- Mumford & Sons, "Winter Winds"_

She didn't speak with Sirius for a month after their last conversation behind the greenhouses. Every time she saw him in Potions or Transfigurations, she would try and catch his eye. For some reason, she wanted to talk to him now. Their whole relationship had been flipped. Instead of Sirius pursuing her, she was trying to get him to pay attention to her. What she really wanted to do was answer his exclamation that he was trying to get to know her. She had been struck by that admission. Four years, they had been classmates for four years and now he had chosen to want to befriend her.

All she knew was that she could use a friend, even if it was Sirius Black.

The days wore on and it was much of the same. Ismene studied. She went to her detentions with Flitwick. She tutored First Years and carried the stink eyes from her housemates on her shoulders; they would never forgive her for potentially losing them the House Cup. She even tried to work on her costume for Slughorn's party, but nothing was coming to her. She had thought about the suggestion Sirius had made, but every dragon costume she sketched looked ridiculous. Thankfully, Sirius was still willing to go with her. She had waited a few days before asking him again via owl and his reply came quickly. They would at least have plenty of time to talk then.

Hidden in the library, surrounded by a shield of propped up books, she scratched out list after list of ideas, but they all were hand transfigured into balls of parchment and landed neatly in a pile at her feet. Before the floor around her was entirely covered, she noticed a hand pushed a book down and Lily Evan's green eyes were looking down at her. Ismene inwardly shrank away, wondering if Sirius had mentioned what she had said about Muggles to Lily or at least in a place Lily could hear him. Ismene wanted to crawl away when Lily confirmed her suspicions.

"So, Muggles scare you, huh?"

"Oh Merlin, Lily, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorrysorrysorrysorry." Ismene spat out in one hurried breath.

Lily sank down in an empty chair she had called over and began to busy herself by stacking the books up in a neat pile. "What makes Muggles so frightening?"

Embarrassed, Ismene shrugged. "There are those stories, you know? Old tales of Muggles capturing Wizarding children in their houses and shoving them into ovens and eating them."

"What?"

"Oh you know, like Gransel and Hetel?"

A small "O" formed around Lily's lips before she let out a pleasant laugh. Spots of red formed on Ismene's cheeks until she began to laugh too. It all sounded so ridiculous. "You mean Hansel and Gretel, right?" Ismene nodded. That was the story. "The Muggle version says it's a witch."

"We don't eat children."

"Neither do we."

A silence fell over them. Ismene adjusted in her seat and then casually slipped her wand out of her pocket. She flicked it over the books, sending them shooting back to their places. It was a good distraction, one she desperately needed. Sirius had told her twice that she wasn't her parents, though the second time had only been an implication. It made her think of Ajax and the fuzzy tugging she often felt in the back of her mind when she never felt like she was herself. There were so many things she couldn't remember. She didn't really remember cursing Snape, though he hadn't let her forget it. More than once she had been ambushed by him and his cronies, though she had come out bruised and bloodied they rarely bothered her after she had cursed Macnair with a spell that slowly had begun to turn him inside out later in the day.

Perhaps she could be good like Lily. Perhaps she could even have better morals like Sirius. She just needed help.

"I really am sorry, Lily, sometimes there are things I just can't help." Ismene said with a sigh. She propped her elbows on the table, letting her chin rest on her open palms. "It's my family's fault. We're all like this."

"All like what?" Lily asked, her almond eyes wide and interested. "I've heard Sirius talking to James about his family, how they hate Muggles and Blood traitors, which I don't even really know what they are."

"Blood traitors? Really? That's easy. I can't believe you couldn't figure that out." Ismene said with a small smile, "Well, you know there are purebloods and half-bloods and mud-Muggle borns. Well, some old pureblood families are really caught up in the notion of keeping the blood pure, so we will only marry other purebloods."

"Are there a lot of pureblood families left?"

Ismene shook her head. "Unless he finds someone else, I'm sure my father is arranging my marriage to my cousin Lucius right now." Lily made a face. "I know, it's horrible. Normally, we don't do first cousins, we'll at least go back to second, but Lucius has shown keen interest. But some purebloods, like James Potter and his parents, love Muggles or you have families where a member will marry a Muggle or even a Muggle born which makes them Blood Traitors because they don't go with the status quo of the other pureblood families."

"I take it that being a Blood Traitor isn't a good thing?" Lily asked.

"It's probably the worst thing a pureblood could do." Ismene replied. "Sirius is a blood traitor. The Blacks are a pretty illustrious pureblood family, so he isn't really the golden son anymore."

Lily bit her bottom lip in thought and tucked her red hair behind her ears. "So what are you?"

Ismene glanced up at Lily in confusion. "What?"

"Are you a blood traitor or a purist bigot?"

The blonde girl flinched at the insult. It was the harshest thing she had heard Lily Evans say to her, but the question was probing and important. She wasn't sure what she was. She consorted with half-bloods and Muggle-borns at Hogwarts, but not at home. She abhorred the idea of marrying Lucius to benefit the family. But the thought of not being welcome at home killed her. Despite their inaction when Ajax was killed and their refusal to acknowledge Tristan's existence and even though they wanted her to work for Lord Voldemort despite her lack of interest, she still couldn't deny her family.

"I'm just a coward, Lily." Ismene sighed, "I'm neither a blood traitor or purist bigot."

"What are you then?"

Ismene shrugged, shouldering her bag that bulged with books. "I'm an opportunist. I'll associate with whoever is best to associate with at the moment."

Lily barred her from leaving the library and Ismene could only laugh as they mirrored each other's steps when she tried to leave and the other girl kept her from leaving. With a playful shove, Ismene managed to step past Lily, but then found herself waiting for the girl to get her books and walk down to the Great Hall together. "Who are you associating with right now?" Lily asked as they waited for the stairs to return.

"I guess I'm a momentary blood traitor." Ismene said. The sentence left a bitter taste in her mouth. She hadn't expected herself to say it and she cringed. At least it was only momentary.

"If you need to borrow a dress for the Slug Club, I have some you might like." Lily offered, "I overheard Sirius talking about how he wanted to dress up like a Muggle for Halloween. Somehow you convinced him that the idea would be cool."

This made Ismene laugh. You could take the bigotry out of the boy, but you couldn't take the pureblood childhood out. It was a novelty that both of them could appreciate. They never got to wear Muggle clothes. It was always robes or dress robes. Nothing else. Ismene looped her arm around Lily's waist and daringly pressed a kiss against her friend's cheek. "Are we friends, Lily?"

Lily Evans laughed and tossed her arm around Ismene's shoulders. "At least we can be friends during the school year. I doubt you could come stay with me over the summer."

"You might change my mind about you Muggles, who knows."

"I doubt that, Ismene." Lily said, "But who knows? More unbelievable things have happened before, right?"

There was no answer to her question, at least none that Ismene could think of. It was unbelievable that she was walking arm in arm with Lily Evans into the Great Hall. It was unbelievable that she was sitting beside her and eating lunch. It was even more unbelievable that she was following her up to the Gryffindor common room to pick out a dress that she would call a costume for Slughorn's Halloween party.

The dresses Lily had were beautiful and Ismene wasn't sure how she was supposed to pick just one to wear, so she tried them all on. Unlike robes, the dresses showed off her slim figure and Ismene was only self-conscious about the revelation that her chest size was larger than Lily's which made some of the dresses too revealing, so she nixed those. The last dress she tried on was perfect.

It was a dark navy tube dress in a satin that fell to her mid thigh. She conjured up a pair of sparkly bronze shoes, deciding it was only fair to pay homage to her house. She then conjured up a bronze caplet to settle around her shoulders, hiding some of her cleavage. Lily helped apply make up the Muggle way since Ismene wanted it to look authentic. They even did her hair in the slow, methodical Muggle way with curlers and hairspray before her blonde hair fell in a cascade of curls down past her shoulders. A peacock feather hair clip was transfigured out of a plain one Ismene owned and she pinned back some of her hair with it.

Ismene couldn't believe what her reflection in the mirror told her. She was wearing Muggle clothing, yet she felt every inch of a witch. The clothes didn't change who she was and she smiled at Lily who had fished out a Wizdak Camera and was holding it aloft. "Let's go see if your date is ready and snap some pictures."

When Sirius turned around from the common room fireplace and smiled, Ismene ducked her eyes and blushed. He was wearing a pair of khaki trousers with a navy shirt and she wondered if somehow he knew to match her. On his feet was a pair of casual tennis shoes and Ismene laughed. His mop of black hair had been pulled back in a small and low pony tail and when she got close enough to him, she could smell his cologne. He looked even more handsome when his slim form was accentuated than when he wore robes. Sirius held out his arm and she took it, turning to look at Lily and smiled as the flash went off.

"I got you this." Sirius said, picking up a small box off one of the common room sofas.

It was wrapped in scarlet paper with a golden ribbon and Ismene thought it was too pretty to open. With some encouragement, she ripped the paper apart and opened the box. Inside was a small bundle of daffodils tied with a scarlet ribbon that turned out to be useful when Sirius tied it around her wrist. "Remus said that I should get you flowers and that you might like a corsage so you didn't have to worry about losing them." Sirius said, "And don't worry. I put a charm on them so they won't die until the giver does."

Ismene looked up from the daffodils to Sirius and she couldn't help but smile. He was sweet and entirely different from what the rumors portrayed him to be. In fact, as Lily snapped another picture of them looking at one another, the wheels in Ismene's mind began to turn. What was keeping her from Sirius Black? He was a pure-blood wizard who was, at least, very distantly related to her. Her parents didn't know much about the Blacks, so it wouldn't be difficult to convince her parents that there was nothing wrong with him, especially if they never met.

Arm in arm, they made their way slowly to the dungeons, having to stop and laugh when the daffodils revealed themselves to be honking daffodils Sirius had pilfered from the green houses. "I….ha ha…couldn't…HA…resist." He said in between laughs the fifth time the flowers got jostled and had begun honking like geese. Ismene laughed along, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Only you would give a girl…ba hahaha…honking flowers."

Between the laughter and the flowers, somehow they made it to Slughorn's on time. Jack-o-lanterns floated above their heads and candles with black flames flickered in the candelabras. Slughorn was positioned by a cauldron that was frothing over, dipping out the liquid inside into goblets that the other guests were snapping up. He glanced up when the newcomers arrived and smiled. "Ah, Miss. Malfoy and the elder Mr. Black, so good of you to come." He said jovially patting Ismene on the cheek and Sirius on the shoulder. "Your brother was nice enough to come as well." Slughorn pointed across the room to where Regulus, a year younger, was sipping is own drink, arm around a pretty brunette, a vicious glower on his face.

"I can see that he's enjoying the festivities. You've out done yourself, professor."

Slughorn beamed. "You're a flatterer, Mr. Black, perhaps you should be an official member after all."

Sirius nodded. "Thank you, but I would much prefer to be brought as this pretty lady's date then have to worry about meeting your expectations. I'm too unpredictable, sir."

"Very well. I can't help but feel that you and Miss. Malfoy are alike in that way. I'm still not sure why she decided to finally accept my invitation after all these years." Slughorn mused and Ismene felt a wave of nerves in her stomach. She was familiar with these waves. They always came just before she felt herself becoming different. It was the same feeling she had before she walked into the lake. The same one she had before and after she attacked Snape. She didn't want them happening tonight.

"My father, Cadoc Malfoy, encouraged it." Ismene said through gritted teeth. "He said I was a fool to continue to ignore the invitations from such an illustrious Potion Master and his club."

"Father knows best, right Miss. Malfoy?"

"Indeed." Ismene said and then turned to Sirius. "I'm feeling dizzy, can we sit down?"

Sirius' eyes widened. "Yes, come on." They found a chair in a small alcove partitioned off from the rest of the room. Sirius sat her down and disappeared, returned moments later with mugs of punch and a plate full of snacks.

Ismene rested her head on the table while Sirius ran his hand comfortingly down her back while the other pushed food into his mouth. She clenched and unclenched her fist, trying to fight back the urge to push Sirius away from her. Her body tingled and she felt her head beginning to pound. "I think I'm going to be sick." She whispered and felt Sirius put his arms around her, lifting her up to carry her out of the room. "No, no put me down." She squirmed out of his arms when they had reached the corridor and grasped onto his shirt with both of her fists. She hadn't realized just how small she was, barely coming up to the middle of Sirius' chest. "I feel so weird, Sirius."

"Weird how?"

"My body is tingling like I'm under a spell, but no one is casting anything on me. Everything is inside. Last time I felt like this, I walked into the lake and then I felt like this when I attacked Snape." Ismene pressed her face into his shirt and this made things worst. Distantly, she heard Sirius shout when she was pulled away from him by an invisible force. Her head knocked against the corridor wall and she slid down. Her eyes were blurry and inside her head, she could hear whispers from someone else's conversation. It didn't take her long to realize that the voices belonged to her father and her uncle.

_ "She is disobedient, Abraxas." _

_ "Cadoc, she is a child, she's a fifteen year old girl, you're an adult wizard, it's easy to get your children to do what you want them to do."_

_ "Not Ismene, she's head strong. I do my best, but there's only so much an Imperius Curse can do from this distance. Everything has backfired. I've watched her. She's friends with a Mudblood girl and has made contact with that boy of Ajax's. She's going down the wrong path."_

_ "What does Lord Voldemort say?"_

_ "He says he wants her. I have spoken with him about her intelligence and he seemed pleased with the fact that she's in Ravenclaw and not Slytherin."_

_ "Your daughter could be very powerful, Cadoc."_

_ "She could be very powerful, indeed. The Dark Lord sees potential in Ismene."_

_ "Will she agree to do is bidding? If she is as headstrong as you say she is than I can't imagine that she would willingly join the Death Eaters. Perhaps Lucius could have a word with her?"_

_ "No. Ismene knows what's right. She'll join Lord Voldemort or risk my disappointment and let me tell you, my disappointment has more control over the girl than Lucius or Lord Voldemort could ever muster up with any spell."_

_ "How is that, brother?"_

_ "Very simple. Ismene, despite her power, is cowardly. She doesn't want to die and she knows that what happened to Ajax could very well happen to her."_

Before she could hear more, Ismene felt herself being shaken. Sirius' gray eyes met hers and she instantly reached out for him. Her arms were around his neck and his were around her waist, holding onto her like he was her anchor. "I don't want to be a Death Eater."

"Who said you were going to be a Death Eater? What's a Death Eater?"

Ismene let her arms drop, but Sirius held on. "Lord Voldemort's followers."

"I know what Death Eater's are. My parents are supportive of Voldemort."

"Join with me."

Sirius looked down at her, his head cocked to one side. "Are you crazy? Are you actually considering it?"

"I can't let my father down, Sirius, I can't."

Very gently, Sirius placed both of his hands on the side of her face, bringing her closer to him. His lips pressed against hers for a moment so brief, Ismene wasn't even sure if he had actually kissed her until he did it a second time. This kiss was harder, more real and Ismene found herself wanting him to kiss her again.

"But can you let me down, too?"

Ismene wrapped her arms around Sirius' neck and kissed him. "No, I can't." She pressed another kiss against his lips before pushing herself away from him. They both stood a few feet apart, Sirius looking at her love struck and Ismene had her fingers pressed against her lips. Tears began to roll down her face as she watched him watching her. She was conflicted. Her insides were tearing apart. "I can't let you down because I might fall in love with you. I can't let my father down because he's the only father I've got."

"So you'll become a Death Eater just like that?"

"Please, Sirius, don't." Ismene whimpered, "I don't know what I want."

"Do you want me?" Sirius asked, "All you have to do is say yes and I'm yours. I won't look at another girl as long as you say yes."

"I can't make promises like that." Ismene replied, "Because yes, I want you, but there are so many things that I want."

Sirius stepped toward her and kissed her forehead. His voice was low when he said, "Find me when you make up your mind. Don't be a sheep."

He left her there in the hallway, her tears running hot down her cheeks. Even the honking daffodils didn't cheer her up.

She hadn't even agreed to anything and already one part of her world was falling apart.

Ismene made her way back to the Ravenclaw tower slowly. She pulled the daffodils off her wrist, setting them upright in a vase she had found. She changed out of Lily's dress and climbed into her bed, too lazy to put on pajamas. Her sleep was fitful, but it was needed. Hopefully, by morning, she would be one step closer to the right decision.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"_So you dare tell me who to be, who died and made you king of anything?" –Sara Bareilles, King of Anything_

The only thing that could be done when you felt that your heart was breaking and your world was collapsing around your ears was to lay in bed in your pajamas, eating an entire bag of Bertie Bott's Flavored Beans (even the grass flavored ones), and deciding at you weren't going to go to Astronomy.

At least that's what Ismene Malfoy chose to do.

Bonnie stood at the end of her bed, carefully winding her blue and bronze striped scarf in loops around her neck. Every so often, she would stare at her friend moping in bed, and give her a look that didn't take a Ravenclaw to understand its meaning. It was an "Oh-my-god-it's-just-Sirius-Black-big-deal-you'll-flunk-if-you-skip-even-one-class-and-those-beans-will-make-you-fat-get-out-of-the-bloody-bed-you-whinging-idiot-GAH. But Ismene had gotten used to the looks and chose to ignore them. She popped another Bertie Bott's into her mouth and twisted her face.

Bogey-flavored.

"That's what happens when you chose to skip class because of some boy." Bonnie said. She pointed at the expression of disgust that had remained on her friend's face. "Come on, it's a lunar eclipse tonight AND Mars is acting wonky."

"You can't believe that karma gave me a bad tasting bean." Ismene retorted. She popped in another one and smiled. Cherry. "See, good tasting bean."

"Ha ha, very funny." Bonnie said. "Just get up."

"No." Ismene retorted, "I'm going to have an extended lie-in."

"And how long might this lie-in last?"

"For the rest of my life!"

"Oh you're so melodramatic I need to give you a BAFTA."

"What's a BAFTA?"

"It's a Muggle acting award." Bonnie said and then laughed. "I suppose you're going to tell me that you deserve all of the BAFTAs?"

"EVERY SINGLE ONE!"

Bonnie pulled her wand out of her pocket and tapped Ismene's bedside lamp three times. That lamp twisted and formed itself into a trophy. The trophy looked like a mask and on the pedestal there was a small plaque with Ismene's name on it. "There's your BAFTA, now come to class."

Ismene snatched the award off of her nightstand and hugged it to her chest. It was all an act. Deep down, she knew that without Sirius she needed someone she could talk to. Her first thought had been to turn to Lily, but she couldn't hide away in the Gryffindor common room, guessing every Wizarding thing she could think of in order to get the password inside if Lily wasn't around to let her in. She needed a friend nearby and she had chosen Bonnie on the basis that she knew her best out of all the girls in her year.

Of course, she blamed her moroseness on Sirius Black. He was an easy scapegoat for a subject that wasn't easy to broach. She didn't know how to explain herself to anyone. The conversation she had overheard still rang in her mind. It was bouncing around in her head on repeat because the whole idea seemed so ridiculous. Out of all the people in the world, Voldemort wanted her because of her potential. With a final hug of the transfigured lamp, Ismene got out of bed, which pleased her friend.

Grabbing her telescope, she followed Bonnie along the winding corridors and up the countless flights of stairs to the astronomy tower. Professor Celeste greeted them warmly and Ismene instantly cursed herself for just throwing her robes over her pajamas and not wearing anything warm. The lesson was simple-watch the moon and measure the distance from the completely eclipsed moon to Mars.

Despite coming to class, Ismene was still distracted and chose to do guess work later. Instead, she peered through her telescope to the Hogwart's grounds. There was Hagrid's hut near the Forbidden Forest which had a number of Thestral's playing in the canopy of the trees. There was the Whomping Willow. There was Remus Lupin being escorted into the Whomping Willow. "What the bloody hell!" Ismene said in surprise, knocking her telescope off of its stand. She watched it plummet to the ground.

"Miss. Malfoy, is something the matter?" Professor Celeste bounded over to her side of the tower.

The lie formed quickly. "I…I saw something fly over the moon and it startled me so I knocked my telescope down. Can I go get it?"

"Of course, but hurry back, you don't want to miss the eclipse. Mars will move once the moon reappears!"

With a nod, Ismene dashed away. She remembered her first year when Dumbledore had mentioned the newly planted Whomping Willow and how it was off limits to students. He stated simply that the Willow was a sapling being cultivated and studied by the Herbology Professor and any student caught near it would face consequences from both the school and the tree itself. First, she scooped up her telescope and then made a few quick steps before she tossed herself to the ground, crawling to hide behind a large bush.

In the quiet of the night, she could hear the hushed voices approaching the tree, but there was no one that she could see. The moon wasn't close to eclipse yet and it still shed enough light. Ismene waited, raising her telescope to her eye to get a better look. Still no one. With a sigh, Ismene stood up. Perhaps she was just imaging things, but she decided to test it. She began walking toward the tree, the titters growing louder the closer she got. She slid her wand out of her pocket and pointed it in the direction of the voices. "_Revelo._" There was a shout of annoyance and there standing in front of her were James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black.

"Does Dumbledore know you have an Invisibility Cloak, Potter?" Ismene asked, smirking.

James Potter snatched his cloak up from the ground, balling it up in his arms. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing, Malfoy?"

"I should ask you the same question." Ismene retorted. It was lame, but it was all she could muster. "That's the Whomping Willow."

"We know that." James replied, "I needed to test its sap for Herbology. What are you doing after hours?"

"I dropped my telescope. I have Astronomy."

James snorted. "Really? I would have thought you were searching the skies for Voldemort's symbol." Ismene felt her cheeks turn red. He knew. James knew about her dilemma. Sirius had told him. "I'll take your silence as an affirmative. I don't give a damn about you, Malfoy, but don't be stupid. Voldemort is a murderer. He's killing Muggles for a blind cause. I can look at you and just tell that you don't even know anything about him. Are you that immoral? Would you kill strangers for laughs? Would you murder Lily Evans, the girl you call your friend because someone told you too?"

"You're right, I don't." Ismene admitted. "I don't know what I would do."

"Then why join him? Why become a Death Eater?"

Ismene didn't look at James. Instead, she looked at Sirius, the boy who had kissed her and tried to get to know her as a person and not for her last name and the boy who learned her secrets. He had gave her up, revealing everything to a boy she barely knew. "Because, unlike the three of you, I have everything to lose if I don't."

Sirius stepped forward, grabbing her hand and Ismene glared at him, resisting the urge to slap him. "What about your friends? Wouldn't you give everything up for your friends?"

"I don't have any friends, Sirius, you've proven that to me."

He dropped her hand, but they both remained close. Sirius turned to look back at James and the silence became thick. In the distance, there was a howl that broke the silence and returned Sirius to looking at Ismene. "If I ask you something that's a secret will that prove to you that we can be friends and that there's more to you than your family?"

"It depends."

"What do you know about the spell to becoming an Animagi?"

Ismene was taken aback by the question because it was one she knew the answer to quite well. When she had been eight years old, her father had told her to study Dark Creatures. He forced her to study for hours. The studying turned into more studying which led her to reading up about Animagi. The spell was difficult and time consuming. It involved a potion with multiple ingredients that would be hard to come by. Slughorn would never willingly give them up. But she knew the process. "There's a potion too." Ismene whispered, "The spell is wandless and quite difficult to master."

James had stepped up and was followed by a nervous looking Peter. "You know how to do it?"

"Yes." Ismene said slowly, looking at the boy who had just accosted her. "Why do you want me to help you? I'm nothing but a wannabe Death Eater like you just said."

"Our friend, Remus Lupin, is a werewolf." James said hesitantly and Peter looked at him sharply. Obviously it was a secret that none of them felt that she was worthy enough to know. "We want to become Animagi to help him with his transformations."

"Shouldn't he be used to them by now?"

"Not the point, Is." Sirius said, "It doesn't matter if he's used to it or not. The point is that Remus is our friend and our friend is in pain and he's lonely. We want to keep him company. That's what you do for your friends. So will you please help us? We've been trying for years to figure it out and none of us can master any of it."

There was a long pause. Ismene mulled the idea over in her mind. The attempt was dangerous in more ways than one. If it went wrong, than James, Peter, and Sirius would either be animals for ever or they would be humans with animal parts. If it went right, then she would have proven to herself that she was powerful, which could be dangerous. If Voldemort wanted her for her potential, than proving herself to be a highly skilled witch with advanced magic that most fully trained witches and wizards couldn't even do, than joining the Death Eaters would be more tempting. The promise of power was looming in front of her and she had two choices.

The personal knowledge of her own abilities or the public knowledge. Keep her prowess a secret or tell her father of her successes. It was a decision that even she wasn't sure she could make. The easiest part was deciding not to worry about it until the time came. If she failed, she failed. But if it was a success, than she could puzzle out her answer. The best case scenario would be that afterwards, she would have friends to help her figure it out.

"Alright, I'll help you." Ismene said. "Meet me by the lake on Saturday."

"Why are you helping us?" James asked. His hazel eyes met hers and she could see the doubt in them. They both understood his suspicion.

"Because that's what friends do." Ismene said and then waved her telescope in the air. "I need to get back to Astronomy."

After class, when Bonnie had fallen asleep along with the other Ravenclaw girls, Ismene was rifling through her Transfiguration books pilfered from her father's library. It had been years since she read the book and she couldn't remember which exact one it was. After hours of rummaging as quietly she could, Ismene found the right book. She ripped the pages out, not worrying about her father's anger for defacing one of his books, and tucked the pages into her Potions book. It was the safest class to pass them off because McGonagall would notice in Transfiguration. She always noticed.

Ismene lay in bed, popping a few more Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans into her mouth. Maybe it was a sadistic form of eating as she relished the bad flavors she happened upon every time she stuck her hand in the bag. Sand. Gravel. Mud. Ear wax. Toe jam. Spider. Horrible flavors each and every one. She continued eating.

Family loyalty had been instilled in her since she was born and had become even more important since Ajax's disowning and death. Her father and mother, despite their cruel affection, had made attempts to dote on her. She knew, based on the letters her father had sent her, that they were proud that Lord Voldemort wanted her. Her father had described his desire as "a twisted obsession that, if left unanswered by you Ismene, could result in a punishment worse than your or I could even imagine." But Ismene wasn't sure.

Sirius' affection could at best be described as wishy-washy. Some days he wanted to be her friend and other times neither of them would speak to each other out of stubbornness and disgust. He was a Blood Traitor who wanted her to be one too, but didn't understand why she couldn't make the decision as easily as he had. There was a difference between Gryffindor. It touted righteousness and bravery. Slytherin, her family's house, prized ambition and always tended to slope into the Dark Arts where ambition could more easily result in the power most Slytherin's clamored for.

Then there was Ravenclaw. The house of the apathetic. As long as they could learn and show off their smarts, Ravenclaws didn't care whether or not they were for or against the Dark Arts. She knew many of her classmates were against the Dark Arts, but some of her father's associates were Ravenclaws turned Dark. There weren't many, though. Ravenclaws were always so talented that there were other areas, neutral areas, for them to go into. Healers. Ministry Workers. Researchers. All of those areas were perfect for people who came from such a place where apathy was almost encouraged.

And what was her talent?

Ismene sighed, rolling over onto her side, clutching her pillow to her chest. In an envelope on her bedside table were copies of the pictures that Lily had taken before the Halloween dance. She hadn't looked at them yet, afraid her housemates would tease her. They were asleep now, so Ismene reached over and grabbed them.

Each one was beautiful. Lily had a knack for taking pictures.

There she was with Sirius' arm wrapped around her. Both of them were beaming. Every so often the picture would shift and they would be looking up at each other. It was undeniable, picture proof, that there was more to their relationship than two people trying to be friends. Sirius' eyes told her that he wanted to save her. Her eyes said she wanted him too.

Then there were the ones of her and Lily. Lily's green eyes sparkled more magnificently than Ismene's own blue eyes. Their smiles were big and the picture would jump and they would laugh more, waving at the camera (Sirius had been behind it). It wasn't a secret that Lily couldn't stand Sirius Black. But there she was, laughing at his jokes, posing with both of them as if they were the three best friends, because that's just what you did for your friends.

You put up with the differences, great and small.

_Author's Notes:_

_Hey guys! Thanks to Christmas break, I can get back to more regular updates, but that won't last forever. I go back to school in a few weeks for my last semester as a college Senior. I graduate in May and I can't believe that. _

_Anyway, I'm sure you guys know how much I appreciate you when you add me to your Author Alerts or when you add Blood Traitor to your Story Alerts. Thank you for that!_

_But please take a moment to leave a review. I don't care if it is the least detailed review, just please remember to click the Review Story button below! I tend to always return reviews, so there's some incentive!_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"_So many foreign roads, for Emma, forever ago." –Bon Iver, "For Emma"_

Saturday came quickly and Ismene shouldered her bag, opening the flap to make sure that her Potion's book was there with the pages about the Animagus spell inside it. She had done more research then was probably necessary. She had written out the ingredients for the potion and how it needed to be brewed and when. _If the boys couldn't figure this out_, she mused, _than they were bigger idiots than I first_ _thought_. She was spoon feeding them difficult magic and she hoped for her own sake that it worked.

The sun was bright and there were others out on the lawns. Some of them were studying, others were playing makeshift Quidditch games since there was a by week for the teams to rest. The closer she got to the lake, the more it seemed like every Hogwarts student was out, enjoying the crisp fall weather before the snows covered the grounds. Ismene swallowed at the thought. With the snows came Christmas holidays and with Christmas holidays came Voldemort. Her entire life would be mapped out for her in a few mere weeks.

If she let it, that is.

The more time she spent by herself thinking and the more thoughts about Sirius Black and James Potter offering her their friendship, despite the strings attached, and the more James' accusation of her being a sheep blindly following after a murderous shepherd, the more it bothered her.

She wasn't even sure what she was supposed to do. She had asked James to tell her about Voldemort and he wasted no time in doing so. He found her articles that his parents had kept since Voldemort had begun his rise to power. Each murder of every Muggle or Auror was listed. The body count was high, but the message was clear.

Magic is might. Magic is the only thing that matters and it had better be pure.

It was her parents' belief system printed out for everyone to read in the Daily Prophet. It was how she had been raised. Until she had met Lily Evans, she had never met anyone who was raised by Muggles who, for the first eleven years of their life, had believed they were full-blood Muggle. She hadn't associated with a half-blood until she met Bonnie. Her own family, James', and Sirius' families were all pure-blood. Her father had kept her sheltered away from "Mudblood filth" as he called it and she had been told that Muggle-borns and the wizards who associated themselves with people lesser than them were trash.

Her entire childhood was Voldemort's, it seemed.

Now she was being told that there was another way of thinking. A way where she could be friends with anyone that she wanted to be friends with. It was a world that, after fifteen years, she could envision herself having true friends, not friends who would use her for her last name.

At the edge of the lake, only James had arrived. He spotted her, waving her over and she started to pull the pages out of her bag before he stopped her, a gentle hand on her arm. "See that guy over there?" James asked, pointing to a fellow student a few meters away from them. Ismene nodded, recognizing Severus Snape even from the distance. The way he held himself, like a dog who had been kicked too many times crossed with a spider was a unique characteristic. "What do you think Evans sees in him?"

It took Ismene a few moments to pay attention to the girl coming toward Snape, a smile on her face. Lily Evans. She knew that Snape and Lily were acquaintances and Lily had a kind heart; she would never be cruel to Snape. It never seemed to cross her mind, though, that Lily genuinely considered Snape a friend. "I…I don't know. I don't know him that well."

James looked at Ismene, their eyes meeting. "Do you know anything about him?"

The silence was long. Yes, Ismene knew some about Snape. He had yet to return her altered Defense Against the Dark Arts book to her which led her to believe he was doing more than just casual research. He was probably studying. He was probably practicing.

"He wants to be a Death Eater." Ismene deduced. James stared at her and inhaled sharply. Ismene blushed. "I…I don't know for sure. It's just an educated guess."

"What makes it so educated?"

"Are we friends, James?"

James shook his head, pushing his hair up and out of his face with his hands. "What? That's not what I'm asking you."

"I know it's not, but I just wanted to be sure before I told you anything." Ismene said. It only seemed logical. She didn't know James as well as she knew Sirius. This was the first time they had ever been alone together before. It was hard to trust anyone after only deciding that they could be your friend three days before. But she needed friends and she wanted friends. She wanted James to be her friend.

"I think we can be friends, especially because you're putting your neck on the line to help us to help Remus." James said and a bizarre smile crossed his face. "That's very Gryffindor of you."

Ismene rolled her eyes. "Oh please, James, I just want to know if I can do it. I'm wholeheartedly Ravenclaw." She then cleared her throat and gestured back toward where Snape and Lily were talking. "He, Snape that is—"

"Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I call him Snivellus."

"Oh, right, well Snivellus, he borrowed my Defense Against the Dark Arts text book in September and he hasn't given it back yet." Ismene said. He looked at her confused and Ismene understood why it all sounded ridiculous. A borrowed Defense Against the Dark Arts book was different to her and James. To him, it was just a borrowed text book. For her, it was an edited copy. "My father replaced my copy with a Dark Arts book so I could study the Dark Arts at Hogwarts without getting caught. But it doesn't take anyone very long to just look over Dark Spells, to do research about them, he's _studying_ the Dark Arts."

James snorted and stared over at Lily. Ismene noticed the look in his hazel eyes, the way he watched her and shifted his body around. He adjusted himself to make himself seem taller, more regal. Handsomer. All Ismene could see, though, was James Potter in love. "I just…she's a Muggle Born. If he wants to be a Death Eater, it doesn't seem right." But then he shook his head and gave her a sidelong glance. "How do you know about the length of time it takes to study the Dark Arts?"

"I used to do it myself." Ismene said, "In fact, the only breaks I get from not studying the Dark Arts are when I'm at Hogwarts, when my father isn't forcing me to."

"How does he force you?" James asked. Ismene bit her lip nervously. She both wanted and didn't want to tell him. It was personal. Too personal to tell anyone. She wasn't even sure if she would tell Sirius if he asked her. But, friends. He promised that they could be friends.

"You and I come from two very pureblood families, James, you have to remember that."

"I couldn't forget it if I tried, Ismene."

With a deep breath, she let the words flow. "My father and my mother are very lax about Unforgiveable Curses. They actually approve of them, surprisingly. If my father wants me to study, he'll just use the Imperious Curse on me and I'll go into our study and read for hours. If I refuse, he'll use the Cruciatus Curse and then the Imperious Curse." Ismene sighed, looking up at the sunlight to keep herself from crying, to keep her composure. "I don't think I've had any legitimate free will since I was five."

James placed a hand on her shoulder before drawing her into a hug. "I'm sorry." He whispered, "But after all of that, you're still willing to become a Death Eater?"

"Haven't really got a choice, have I?"

"Everyone has a choice."

"Not me." Ismene said and pushed herself out of James' arms. "I don't really want to talk about it, James. I'd rather tell you how to become an Animagus like I promised."

Ismene made to pull the papers out of her bag for a second time, but James stopped her just like before. "Let's wait until the others get here. I know Sirius isn't going to want to miss this. Remus will probably launch into a great speech about how this is a bad idea. Peter will agree with Sirius and I. For now, let's just get to know each other better, alright." Ismene nodded and James returned the gesture. He pulled his wand out of his robes and pointed it in the direction of Snape and Lily. "Have you ever seen Snape under a Hopping Charm?"

She shook her head and James pulled her over to a small outcropping of rocks on the lake shore. They hid behind them and James muttered the spell. Almost instantly, Snape hopped up and began to spontaneously hop on one leg. He shrieked curses loudly and Lily stood up, trying to calm him down. Snape turned and his eyes locked with James'.

"JAMES POTTER I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" Snape screamed, hopping toward them until he toppled over. He tried to pull out his own wand, but James quickly disarmed him, casting Petrifacus Totalus over Snape. All Ismene could do was watch.

Was this friendship? Watching one boy bully another boy out of fun? Could she have been in Snape's place had she not offered to help them out? Ismene thought about the similarities between her and Snape. They both wanted power, both of them were faced with the potential to get it. It just so happened that the outlet to getting what they wanted was in the Dark Arts. How were they different? She was open with her prejudice and he wasn't? She was trying to work away from the Dark Arts and he was walking into it with open arms? But then she wasn't even sure if she was capable of walking away.

They weren't different, not in her mind they weren't.

"James, stop it." Ismene whispered, but he didn't listen to her. "James, it's not funny anymore."

"You told me he wanted to be a Death Eater, I'm just giving him a taste of what would happen to him if he joins Voldemort." James retorted. Snape was closer now and had his wand back. Ismene could smell the inevitable duel on the wind. "I'm going easy on him."

"What if it was me?" Ismene asked, but James didn't hear her. He was too busy throwing a Jelly Legs Jinx at the defeated Snape. "It could be me."

Lily Evans made her way over to where Snape had crawled. She lifted him up by the arm, her green eyes glaring at James and then Ismene, a look of surprise on her face. She dusted Snape off, holding his face in her hands to make sure he was alright. Kind Lily Evans was concerned about a man who hated everything about who she was. When she was done making sure Snape was alright, she whirled around, her own wand brandished. "James Potter, you arrogant jerk! What has he done to you?"

"Snivellus hasn't done anything to me, Evans, it's more that he was just there. Wrong place, wrong time." James retorted and Ismene wanted to laugh. He was a terrible flirt. Lily was never going to fall for him if he continued to act like this.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Just admit that you're a bully, Potter. A bully and a raging git."

James smiled and gave Ismene a wink. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. Horrible at flirting, a complete disaster. James Potter would end up alone with fifty cats if he kept this up. "Alright, I'll admit it, if you go out on a date with me."

"Never in a million years." Lily said and then pointed a finger at Ismene, her mouth opened in shock. "Ismene! Are you friends with him, now?"

Ismene shrugged. She liked to think she and James were friends, but then she also fancied herself mates with Lily. She was, as the Muggle saying went, stuck between a hard place and an even harder place. At least, that's how she thought the saying went. "We have a Transfiguration project to work on." Ismene decided to say. A mix between the truth and a lie. "James is worried about failing Transfiguration and since I'm still having to tutor as part of my punishment for dueling Mr. Snape there, I've been assigned to help James out."

"Alright, but don't let him rub off on you." Lily said, "I couldn't stand it if you became as bad as he is."

"She's worse, Lily." Snape said, finally free of his Jelly Legs Jinx. "She's going Dark, everyone knows it."

"Shut it, Snape." Ismene shouted.

Snape ignored her. From his robes, he procured her Defense Against the Dark Arts book and handed it to Lily. "Take a look." Ismene watched in horror as Lily opened the book. Her green eyes noted Ismene's name inked on the cover page. Then they grew wider as they read each progressive page. Spells getting darker and darker as she went on.

"Lily, I can explain." Ismene said, "It's not what you think. My father, he switched out my real book for the Dark Arts book."

"I thought you were different. You said you were going to be different, didn't you?" Lily said. She closed the book with a snap and threw it to the ground as if it burned her. "This is ignorance, Ismene."

"I'm not the ignorant one, Lily." Ismene said. She could feel herself becoming fuzzy. The sign that always preceded when she did something bad that she later wouldn't really remember. "You need to remember who gave you the book." She pointed her finger at Snape. "He borrowed it from me at the start of term and is just now giving it back to me."

"She coerced me." Snape said. His tongue was honey and Lily believed every word. "She's a Dark witch, she has no qualms with using Unforgiveable Curses. Remember, she used the Cruciatus curse on me weeks ago."

Ismene clenched and unclenched her fists. This time, she didn't mind the strange feelings urging her forward. The feelings only made her bloody Snape's face with a Slicing charm before Lily disarmed her. "You're right, Snape, I don't have any qualms against Unforgiveables." Ismene hissed as she watched Snape dab at his wound with the end of his robes. He would have to go to the Hospital Wing. Ismene would be further ostracized by her housemates for losing them points. Ravenclaw wasn't going to win the House Cup this year. But she turned to Lily, her eyes holding hers. "But I swear, Lily, that I would never lie to you. Don't believe the lies he might tell you."

"I don't know what to believe anymore." Lily whispered.

"Welcome to my world." Ismene said and then turned back to James. "Can you sort this? I'm late for another tutoring session." James nodded and she knew he understood that they would meet again to go over the spell. She wouldn't let them down. If she lost Lily as a friend, she would need James and Sirius and Remus and even Peter more than ever. Ismene had gotten a few meters away before turning back and looking at Lily. "I'm sorry, Lily, I can't help who I am. I can't help my family."

It surprised her that Lily smiled. Good hearted Lily Evans somehow always managed to accept her apologies. Maybe she viewed Ismene as some sort of bizarre Wizarding novelty—a girl caught in the middle of two sorts of magic and that made her so forgiving. Or perhaps she was just a kind person who didn't mind if someone was confused. And maybe Lily just understood the sound of a sincere apology.

"Just remember that I can't help who I am and who my family is either." Lily replied. "I didn't ask for this."

"I know." Ismene said, "I didn't either."

The best hiding place Ismene could think of was the library because, on a Saturday, no one would be in there. She was right. Everyone was enjoying the day outside or in bed, not studying. She tucked herself behind the furthest stack of shelves and was idly flipping through the spell book Snape had returned. His cramped hand was in the margin, making notations. Some spells had part of their words circled and combined with different parts of other spells. One spell was written over and over again.

Sectumsempra.

Ismene pulled her wand out and then pulled out a few pages of the book. She transfigured them into a rat. The rat scurried about the desk before Ismene could take aim. "Sectumsempra." The spell struck the rat in the middle of the belly and Ismene screamed as she watched the rat be sliced in half, blood spilling everywhere. She quickly transfigured it back into the pages and attached them back to the book.

Perhaps Voldemort shouldn't be targeting her after all. It was Severus Snape who had the talent. He was creating Dark Magic.

_Author's Notes:_

_Thanks everyone for the lovely reviews. They made my day. So keep them up, read and review, my darlings!_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"_The clouds explode and then the desert blooms .Someone will need to mop this floor for me  
When I emerge I find my car. Like a cathedral in a dream of the future. Drive 'til the rain stops  
Keep driving." –The Mountain Goats, "Ezekiel 7 and the Permanent Efficacy of Grace"_

Winter holidays came and the Hogwarts Express sat idling on the tracks at Hogsmeade station. The scarlet engine puffed out long tails of smoke as students getting ready to go home for the holidays tugged their trunks behind them. Joyous laughter filled the wintery air. Everyone could see each others' breath, mimicking the train. Students said good bye to their friends and wished each other a happy Christmas. The ones who were staying at Hogwarts watched until the train pulled away from the station before they headed back up to the castle to have an enjoyable break as well.

Her forehead pressed against the cool glass, Ismene watched the other students as they walked back toward school, jealous that she wasn't amongst them. A long train ride was ahead of her and even it couldn't prepare for how long this break was going to be. It was finally there. The day that her father was eagerly anticipating. The day where she, Ismene Malfoy, his only daughter and living child, would become Voldemort's servant.

_Or his pawn,_ Ismene thought. She would only do what she was told in short bursts. He could only move her so many places forward, but she would not do more than that. And she wouldn't do anything that hurt her friends.

After that fateful Saturday, she had finally managed to meet up with James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus. They had met in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom on the second floor, casting Imperturbable Spells on the door so no one could burst in on them. James and Sirius had used the Invisibility Cloak to steal the ingredients from Slughorn. He never noticed that they were missing, not even when Ismene had asked him directly at the Slug Club's Christmas party that Sirius had accompanied her. Perhaps Slughorn was too drunk to remember what she was asking, but it didn't seem that way. He just didn't really seem to know.

They spent hours brewing the potion, leaving it in one of the toilets for a week to settle, before they added the rest of the ingredients, having to worry about getting caught for another week. James had been forced to threaten Myrtle after she teased him with tattling if he didn't call her pretty. He ended up testifying to her beauty after the threats failed and Remus and Sirius teased him for days. But eventually, the Potion was done and divided up.

Ismene had her hair pulled back off her face, her fringe pushed away with a ribbon head band. The spell book was open in her lap and she very cautiously read over the entire process before looking up at the boys, holding their tankards of potion. Remus sat fretting on top of the sink. Like James had predicted, Remus had protested. But the effects of the last full moon still hung around, the way he looked perpetually tired, the fresh scars on his face. He wasn't able to protest for very long.

"Alright, now you have to concentrate on the transformation after you drink the potion." Ismene said without glancing up. If she messed this up, she had more than her own reputation on the line. "The potion will judge your inner most characteristics and from there you will find yourself transforming into the animal that best reflects your human self."

"Man, I hope I'm a lion." James said, looking at the potion. "Because that's the only way drinking this stuff will be worthwhile. It smells awful."

"Like troll piss." Sirius supplied.

"You've had experience with that smell?" Remus asked with a weak laugh. "I'm guess that Sirius will transform into something ridiculous. Like a fish."

Sirius feigned offense. "But then you'll have to tie me to your neck in a bowl of water. I could die if any sloshed out so we could never have fun."

"A lizard, than."

"Much better."

"I hope I transform in to something good, too." Peter said, "Like an eagle."

James clapped Peter on the shoulder. "You might just." He took another look at his potion and his eyes wandered over to the cauldron. "There's enough left in here for one more potion. Fancy being an unregistered Animagus, Is?"

Ismene had thought about it, but this attempt had all seemed so personal to the boys that she hadn't wanted to insert herself into it. It was all about helping Remus for them. For her, it was more to see if she could do it based on the outcome of the boys' attempt. But then, why not try it herself? Proving that she could do it on her own was even better of an outcome for her goal to just try. "After you guys taste it. Maybe one of you will become a guinea pig because you're the guinea pigs for this attempt. Alright, on the count of three. Concentrate on the words Animus Transmognicus. To transform back you just concentrate on Revertus Animus Humanus. One…two…three."

The three boys downed their potions with disgusted, but intense looks on their faces. They stood in the middle of the bathroom for a moment before James and Sirius shrank down while Peter kept his eyes clenched together in thought. The potion took hold and there was a small pop and in the places where James and Sirius stood was a majestic looking stag and a big black dog respectively. Ismene stood up, clapping her hands together in delight. She had done it. The boys turned their animal attention to Peter who was still human except for a tail and rounded ears where his old ones use to be. James pawed the ground with his hoof and Sirius barked encouragingly.

"Concentrate, Peter." Remus said from the sink, "Animus Transmognicus."

With the encouragement from Remus and James the Stag and Sirius the Dog, Peter eventually shrank down and popped, replaced by a rat. Ismene had to place her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing, but even Remus had begun to smirk a little. . Remus hopped down off the sink and scooped Peter the Rat up so that he could see what he had transformed as. Peter's little rat ears fell Poor Peter. He always got the short end of the stick. He wasn't an eagle, instead he was an eagle's prey. The boys relished together for a moment before James and Sirius returned to their human shape, having to use a Revealing Spell to get Peter to come back. But Peter's look was not the same elated one that his friends have.

"I'm a stinking rat." Peter said, "I'm a stinking rat who always needs help."

"It'll take some practice, mate." Sirius said, clapping Peter on the back. "But it's good that you're a rat. You can press the knot on the Willow to immobilize it."

Peter then smiled. "I guess I am really important."

"Of course you are." Remus said, "Those two gits couldn't get the tree to stay still. James with his silly prongs and Sirius and his big feet. It'd be hilarious to watch."

The boys chattered for a minute with James, Sirius, and Peter every so often popping in to their animal forms and then back again. Ismene just beamed. She had succeeded, even with Peter, she had managed to help them accomplish really difficult magic. Her silence was noticed and Sirius scooped out the remaining potion and handed her a glass full of it. "Your turn, Miss. Malfoy."

"You four know that I'm not going to run around at night with you. I'm proud of this, but I don't want to get expelled for it." Ismene said.

"You're not going to get expelled." Sirius said, "You know I'm not going to tell anyone. The guys aren't going to tell anyone because we'd all get expelled for this or even worse get in trouble by the Ministry. We're unregistered Animagi, it's dangerous if we tell. So come on, I want to see what you look like as an animal." Ismene gave him a quick look and then surprised everyone by kissing him. Thankfully for her self-esteem, he kissed her back. "What was that for?"

"If this doesn't work, I didn't want to be stuck as an animal without having the chance to kiss a boy again." Ismene admitted.

"The heart of the ice queen melts." Sirius said.

"It's starting to defrost, that's all." Ismene said and then downed the potion.

She concentrated on the incantation and she could understand why Peter found it hard at first. Her entire body burned as molecules and DNA began to rearrange. Her bones shrank and she twisted around. Every part of her ached as she formed into something not human. This wasn't Polyjuice. This was worse. Until at last the pain stopped and she felt herself being lifted up. Sirius held her up in front of a mirror so she could see her animal form—a brown and white ermine with tell-tale black tipped tale.

She squirmed out of Sirius' arms, scuttling up his shoulder, wrapping herself contentedly around his neck, kissing his cheek with her snout before she scurried to the floor and concentrated on being human again. "I'm a weasel!" she shrieked.

"Actually, you're an ermine." Remus said, "a mere cousin to the weasel."

"You're much cuter than a weasel." Sirius said, caressing her cheek. Behind them, James stuck out his tongue.

"Just ask her out already, Sirius, it's all you've been talking about since Halloween."

Ismene blushed and, surprisingly, so did Sirius. "You've really wanted to ask me out since Halloween?"

"Yes." Sirius admitted, "But James here kept telling me not to act to rashly because I didn't know you that well."

"What made you change your mind?"

"I'm not the sort of guy to listen to prats like James who think the best way to get a girl is to be mean to them. Plus, if I don't act rash about things, than who am I?"

"So, are you going to ask me?"

"Go out with me, Ismene Malfoy, I won't take no for an answer."

"No." Ismene said and laughed, "It means yes to you."

He laughed. "I know it does."

Their dates began innocently with dinner at the Three Broomsticks during the last Hogsmeade weekend before break. He even bought her a Chocolate Frog and she got him a package of Drooble's gum. Small little gifts that casual daters would get for each other. Her and Sirius walking hand in hand toward the Shrieking Shack since she knew that the only thing haunting it was Remus Lupin, earned them jealous looks from other students who had been lusting after Sirius and angry looks from the Slytherins who were acquainted with her family and the knowledge of Sirius' status with his.

They were the likeliest of unlikely pairs.

And she was leaving him for an entire month and she knew that nothing good would come out of being away from Sirius and stuck entirely with her family. Sirius had admitted to her on one of their dates, a stroll along the border of the Forbidden Forest to try and catch a glimpse of the elusive unicorns that lived there, that one of his reasons for asking her out was that he wanted to save her.

"Save me from who?" Ismene asked, dropping his hand.

Sirius had looked offended. She hadn't mean to make him feel like she was accusing him, but she couldn't hide the tone in her voice. She knew what he meant. "I want to save you from your family, alright?" He admitted. "Not that I think you need saving, but if what you told James was true, that your father uses the Imperious curse on you freely, than I worry about your safety."

"You don't have to save me, Sirius, I'll be fine." Ismene said. But she knew he didn't believe her. She didn't believe herself either. They dropped the subject and kept walking. They never saw a unicorn.

London wasn't a welcome sight to her. Ismene pulled her trunk behind her, dodging the homesick first years who rushed into their parents' waiting arms. She wished that her parents would forget her and she could climb back on the Hogwarts Express and go back to school. But they wouldn't forget an event like this. It was too momentous in their silly lives.

Cadoc Malfoy seized his daughter's trunk and her mother lovingly brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Did you have a good trip home, Ismene?" her mother asked, looping her arm through her daughter's. "Your father and I have missed you so much. I cannot tell you how bored we have been without you at home."

"This is the first Christmas holiday I've been home since second year." Ismene said, "I doubt you've really been bored."

"Come on, Ismene, of course your mother and I have been bored. It's not the same without you home."

"What? Did you free all of the house elves and are looking for someone who can do everything for you?" Ismene snapped.

Cadoc let her trunk drop with a thunk on the platform. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. I'm not a house elf, Father." Ismene hissed.

Her father raised his wand and pointed it at her. She knew what was coming and she longed to transform, to become an ermine and dash back onto the train before the curse could hit. Too late. It did. She felt her mind go fuzzy, stronger than at school and she knew this must be what made her do the things she couldn't remember. A long distance Imperious Curse through a portrait of her or something. She was forced to open her trunk, dumping everything onto the ground. She watched her mother charm all of her things away before her father commanded her to get in the trunk.

The only thing that she wasn't command to do was scream as the lid slammed down on her.

When the lid of the trunk was opened, Ismene didn't know where she was. She gasped the fresh air into her lungs, ignoring the fact that she was in the middle of a dark room. To her left, a fire roared in the fire place. The rug was threadbare in places. The only light in the room came from candles in candelabras that dotted the room and the chandelier. Carefully, Ismene clambered out of the trunk, her wand clenched in her hand as she took tentative steps toward the fire. By her ankles, something moved…slithered, and Ismene reacted. "Stupefy!" she shouted and sparks flew out of the end of her wand.

"Expelliarmus!" Her father's spell caused her wand to fly out of her hand and he caught it deftly. "Ismene, don't be rude to our host. We mustn't attack our host's pets."

"Pet?" Ismene asked. She pointed to the dark thing that her Stunning Spell had tossed like a doll across the room. "That's what that was?"

"I see you've met Nagini."

The voice was cruel and regal all at once. There was no sign of the Imperious curse commanding her, but Ismene looked in the direction of the voice as if she was being compelled to. The man was pale and completely bald. His eyes were blood red and where his nose should have been, there were only two slits. He looked like a snake. Every impulse told her to be afraid of this man and Ismene struggled to keep her composure. She wanted to bolt out of the room, to try to Apparate and ignore the consequence of Splinching herself.

This was Voldemort.

"Nagini," Ismene choked on all of the words she didn't want to say, "My Lord?"

Voldemort nodded. "Yes, I suppose you have heard of me. My fame precedes me."

"That it does."

"I am assuming you are wondering why I have asked you here. You're a young girl, no more than fifteen, what use could you be to me? You're not even out of Hogwarts yet." Voldemort stood, rising above everyone in the room in a way that only a man with immense power could. "Your father tells me that you are in Ravenclaw, is that true?" Ismene nodded. In the back of her mind she could picture Sirius and James urging to her run away. She could hear their voices telling her not to give in to Voldemort's wishes.

If only they were there to protect her. She couldn't do this on her own.

"Ravenclaws are known for their intelligence. I'm sure you are no exception to that rule." Voldemort continued, "You see, Ismene, for all of my power I am lacking in one thing—time. It is time consuming to try to cleanse the world of Muggle scum and to add to that the Wizarding World is full of Mudbloods and the traitorous half-bloods and our pure-blood brethren content to let them reside amongst us. I need someone of your youth and your abilities to do something for me."

"What do you want me to do?" Ismene asked, "I'm sure that, My Lord, your calendar is very full with important business, but I'm in my fifth year, I've got my O.W.L.S. this year. I don't think I'll have time either."

The others in the room chuckled and that was when Ismene first noticed them. The room was full of men in black robes, masks that looked like skulls covering their faces. The only unmasked man was her father. Surprisingly, Voldemort made a small noise that could only be described as a curt laugh. "Ever the Ravenclaw. Your daughter is very concerned with her education, Cadoc, I admire that." Her father beamed at the compliment. "I'm sure a girl as talented as your father claims you are can have this task done easily."

"Perhaps I can squeeze it in before break is over." Ismene said, "I'm sure whatever My Lord is asking of me can be done quickly so I can wash my hands of this business." The remark was a bit flippant, but it was honest. "What do I need to do for you?"

"What do you know of Inferi?"

Ismene cleared her throat. They had just begun discussing Dark Creatures in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Inferi had cropped up. But they had only learned how to destroy them and what they were. She didn't know anything else about them. "They…they're reanimated corpses of the dead. They can only be controlled by the wizard or witch who created them. They're good protectors of things, but they are Dark Creatures and thrive in dark, cool places. Heat, like fire, and sunlight are some of their weaknesses. But only their creator can truly destroy them." Ismene recited exactly what Professor Stugen had said in class.

For the second time in Ismene guessed what was forever, Voldemort made a small gesture that could have been a smile. She wasn't sure. It also looked like he smelt something disgusting in the room. "Correct." Voldemort said and then curved a long, bony finger toward a bookshelf. "Cadoc, bring your daughter the book."

Cadoc Malfoy rustled about with the bookshelf and came to his daughter's side. He pressed an ancient looking book in her hand. Ismene blew dust off of the cover and in peeling gold letters the book title appeared—_Darkest Creatures Moste Foule_. "What am I supposed to do with this?" Ismene asked, "It's disgusting. It's molding. My Lord, I think your book _is_ and Inferius."

"Clever girl." Voldemort said, "I believe that book will tell you everything you need to know about how to create an Inferi. Just remember that I prefer mine fresh."

The book tumbled out of Ismene's arms and fell to the floor. It split open, but her father quickly charmed it back together. "F…f…fresh?" Voldemort nodded. "You mean, I need to kill people first?" Voldemort nodded again. "Who? Can't I just…can't I just hang around hospitals or funeral homes or something. Do I really have to kill anyone?"

"Yes." Voldemort said, "Or would you rather me find someone else for this task and command them to make you my first Inferius? There are other Death Eaters who would be pleased to take your place."

"I'm not a Death Eater."

Voldemort stood from his chair and seized her by the throat. Ismene gagged, her hands clawing at his to try and get him to release her. He didn't. He squeezed tighter on her wind pipe. She couldn't breathe. "Cadoc, present your daughter's arm." Cadoc Malfoy rushed to their side and instead of doing the fatherly duty of wrestling Voldemort away, preventing him from killing his only living child, he pushed up the sleeve of her robe. "Lucius, come and issue your cousin the Mark."

Lucius appeared out of the shadows, his mask evaporating into a puff of dark smoke, his long blond hair billowing behind him. Ismene's eye grew wide as he pulled his wand out, pressing it on the tender skin of her forearm. "Morsmordre." He whispered and fire carved into Ismene's arm. She tried screaming, but every scream made Voldemort's grip on her throat tighten. She watched as the spell etched black lines into her arm, forming a skull with a snake coming from its mouth into her once flawless skin. With the mark tattooed into her arm, Voldemort released her and Ismene fell to the floor, coughing and gasping for breath.

"Who does My Lord command my daughter to kill first?" Cadoc asked, aiming a well placed kick at his still coughing daughter.

"The girl will need practice first." Voldemort said, "But I am aware that you have a grandson, Cadoc, the product of pure-blood mixing with Muggle blood."

"My son, Ajax, yes. A black spot on the family tree. Ajax, though, has been dead for two years."

"I'm sure you don't appreciate the boy, though, besmirching your good name." Voldemort said.

"There is only so much disowning can do." Cadoc said, "Do you suggest Ismene kill the boy? He is of Hogwarts age."

"Precisely what I was suggesting." Voldemort said. "Ismene, can you hear me? Your first task for me is to kill your nephew."

"N…n…n…o." Ismene wheezed.

"Crucio." A jet of light came from Voldemort's wand and Ismene twisted in pain, screaming out, begging for him to stop, making promises until he stopped and got what he wanted.

She would have to kill Tristan or risk dying herself.

"But like I said, she needs practice with the Killing Curse or else she'll never succeed." Voldemort said, "I believe that there is a family of Muggles who would be perfect. Cadoc, Rosier, Mulciber, I think the three of you would be worthy tutors for our newest edition. Go now, the night is still young yet."

Ismene felt herself being seized by the Death Eater with the black mustache, Mulciber. "Hold on, sweet heart." He said before she felt herself being sucked through a tube, the feeling of one's first Apparition.

The neighborhood they landed in was dark and a light snow had begun to fall. Ismene felt herself being led down the street, her eyes marveling at the Christmas lights on a few of the houses. Inside one of them, the one they had stopped in front of, she could see a Muggle family sitting down to dinner. A blonde mother and a blonde daughter were carrying out the dishes, followed by a red haired father carrying the turkey and a red haired daughter with a pudding. Ismene felt the scream catch in her throat the closer they got to the house. She recognized the girl.

Lily.

She struggled against Mulciber's grip, managing to get off a Pinching Hex to force her way out of his grasp, but she was caught by Rosier just as her father got the door open. "Get inside, Ismene." Her father hissed, pushing her roughly inside.

Her trajectory sent her crashing into a side table in the hallway and she couldn't stop the vase from crashing, loudly, to the floor. Ismene watched in horror as Lily came out into the hall, a confused look on her face. "Ismene, what are you doing here? I didn't know you knew where I lived."

"Lily, you have to listen to me." Ismene said. She cast a worried glance over her shoulder and immediately shot a spell at the door to close and lock it. It wouldn't work for long, but it would give them enough time. She pushed Lily back toward where her family was about to eat dinner. "No, no all of you have to get up."

Mr. Evans scooted out his chair and gestured to his wife and Lily's sister to stand up. "Ismene, what's going on?"

"Do you have your wand?" Ismene asked and Lily shook her head. "Accio Lily's wand!" Her wand came shooting down the stairs and with that one spell, the front door to the Evans' home was blasted open.

Her father was the first to charge into the house, his eyes full of rage. This was not what she was supposed to be doing. Cadoc Malfoy's daughter didn't rescue Muggles. "Lily, run." Ismene pushed her toward the dining room. "Run! I'm not joking." Ismene turned, her eyes focusing on Mulciber as she shot a Stunning spell at him. It hit him square in the chest, knocking him all the way into the Evans' Christmas tree. A spell from Rosier narrowly missed her as she shoved Lily into the dining room after her family.

"Who was that?" Lily asked.

"Mulciber. The other man, the blond one, was my father." Ismene said. She had cast charms around the other doors into the dining room, but stood with her back toward the Evans family, her wand pointed at the only door she had left unprotected. "Rosier's out there someplace."

"But who are they?"

"Death Eaters."

"Voldemort's followers?" Lily whispered. From behind the door, Ismene could hear her father and the two others planning. She was just one witch, she could be easily overpowered. But she had to protect Lily. She couldn't let them die. Not if she could help it. She wasn't going to kill them. "What are you doing with them?"

"As of tonight, I'm one of them." Ismene raised her arm, her sleeve dropping down to reveal her new Dark Mark. "Also as of tonight, I'm not."

"How did that happen?"

"I'm protecting you, aren't I?"

"Yes, I suppose helping out Muggles does put a damper on Voldemort's requirements." Lily said, "But why us?"

"I don't know, but shh…" Ismene motioned for the Evans' to duck down behind their kitchen counter and they did. It wasn't much of a protection, but it was enough to help her. It would give her a place to place them behind her.

"Ismene Malfoy if you don't drop your wand I will kill you." Her father shouted, "I know you're wand is raise. Put it down."

"No."

"Don't force me."

"I'm done listening to you." Ismene said, "I'm done."

When her father burst into the room, Ismene didn't think twice. If anyone was going to die that night, it wasn't going to be the Evans. It definitely wasn't going to be her. Before her father could get out his spell, Ismene's had been expelled from her lips. A jet of green light burst out of the end of her wand and the curse hit Cadoc Malfoy square in the chest. The anger and confusion was still in Cadoc's eyes as he sank to his knees, his dead body hitting the floor with a thunk. Mrs. Evans and her other daughter screamed and Mr. Evans turned to shield them. Lily was as stunned as Ismene was.

It only took her a moment to turn her attention to Mulciber and Rosier who stood hunched over her father's body. "Do you want the same fate he had?" Ismene shouted and the two Death Eaters shook their heads. "Then go. Go and tell Voldemort that I'm not going to be a pawn in his Muggle murdering games." Mulciber and Rosier seized her father's rigid body and Disapparated out of the room.

Trembling fingers dropped her wand to the floor and trembling legs caused her to sit on the ground. Tears sprang to her eyes, hot and angry as they spilled down her cheeks. Lily's arms were around her instantly, pushing her down until she laid across Lily's wrapped, being rocked comfortingly.

The screaming began when the reality hit her.

She had just murdered her own father.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

"_I don't believe in an interventionist god/but I know, darling, that you do/but if I did I would kneel down and ask him/not to intervene when it came to you/not to touch a hair on your head/to leave you as you are/and if he felt he had to direct you/then direct you into my arms."_

_-Nick Cave, Into My Arms_

Normally, she wouldn't have let it happen, but when Mr. Evans' walked to her side and lifted her up into his arms, Ismene wrapped hers around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder. He sat down on their living room sofa with her in his lap, not looking at the Christmas tree that Mulciber and knocked over, but rather he stroked the fifteen year old girl's hair, while his wife and daughters bustled around, trying to make the air in the room less tense. Ismene felt another hand on her back and she knew it was Lily.

Letting Mr. Evans go, she slid into a space on the sofa between him and Lily. Lily took Ismene's hand in hers, but she didn't even look at her friend. All she did was stare out of the window, waiting for Voldemort or waiting for the Ministry officials, whoever came first.

"I'm going to be sent to Azkaban." Ismene murmured, which made Lily place an arm around her. She held her head with her hands and let out a feral scream. The two Evans bore it well, only Mr. Evans plugged his ears a bit. "I'm going to be sent to Azkaban."

"No, you're not." Lily said, "It was self-defense. He was going to kill you."

"I'm going to be sent to Azkaban." Ismene repeated, "I'm going to be expelled, my wand is going to be snapped, and I'm going to be sent to Azkaban. I killed my own father."

"I'm sorry, Ismene." Lily said softly.

Ismene laughed. "Don't be." She said into the shocked face of Lily Evans. "There was no love lost between my father and I. He was a pure-blood bastard who let my brother be murdered and controlled me for my entire life. I'm glad he's dead, Lily, which is a horrible thought. I just don't want his last act be sending me to Azkaban for his death."

Outside there was a popping sound followed by another and another. Ismene leapt up, gripping her wand in her hand. If it was Death Eaters, she was already going to jail and expelled, there was nothing left for her to lose. If it was the Ministry, her wand would be easy to seize. The doorbell rang and Ismene sighed, sinking back down on the sofa, her head shoved in between her knees.

The Ministry rang doorbells.

Lily and her father got up off the sofa to answer the door. Three fully armed Aurors walked into the Evans living room, their wands raised as they surveyed the living room for Death Eaters. The tallest one, a man with a scarred face and a roving false eye, signaled that the room and house was clear before he gruffly stomped over to the sofa. He pointed at Ismene with his wand, but said nothing and she felt nothing. He wasn't going to Imperius her, but she obediently held out her wand.

"What are you doing?" he asked and Ismene looked up into the face of Alastor Moody.

"Aren't you going to seize my wand?" she asked.

"Why would I do that? Death Eaters are around here, we need all the wands we can get, even if they belong to an underage witch."

Ismene let her hand drop, wondering if she should tell Moody, the most famous Auror, that she was a Death Eater. Sirius would probably have encouraged it, he had mentioned once that he admired Moody and wanted to be an Auror just like him, because he thought she could get some leniency. "No, they left."

"Left? Death Eaters don't just leave."

"Yes, they do." Ismene said, looking Moody straight in the eye. "I killed one of them, stunned another, and the third left after I killed the one."

Moody let his wand arm drop and slapped his knee in disbelief as he looked at his companions who looked just as baffled as he did. "How old are you, anyway? Sixteen, almost seventeen?"

"I turned fifteen in May." Ismene whispered.

"What Death Eater did you kill?"

"Cadoc Malfoy."

Moody let out a small noise of elation before he let it turn into a cough, pretending that he had not shown such an excited emotion fitting a wizard of his personality. "We've been after him for years."

Ismene laughed. "I know, I've seen him act nervous whenever a friend of his gets arrested or has their home raided."

"How do you know that?"

"Cadoc Malfoy was my father."

"So you're Ismene." Moody said, "Dumbledore told us about you."

Ismene had let her head drop, but she raised it again to look at Moody. "Dumbledore?" she said and then stood up, crossing her arms over her stomach, pressing her Dark Marked wrist against her hip. If Dumbledore was involved, if he had figured everything out, she definitely wasn't going to admit to what had happened to her. "What did he say?"

"He heard a rumor that you were going to be recruited for the Death Eaters." Moody said, "Is this true?"

His eye looked into hers, his magic eye that she knew could see through anything, maybe even her thoughts. Slowly, she unfolded her arms and pushed up the sleeve of her robe, holding out her wrist so that Moody could see what was there. The moment he touched her wrist, she broke down into sobs, falling to her knees and cradling her head in one arm while the other remained extended. "I didn't want to, I swear." she cried, "I was forced! My father used the Imperious Curse on me! And they told me I would have to kill the Muggles who lived here, but I can't do that! I can't murder innocent people. I can't kill my friends."

The room was silent except for Ismene's gasping tears and one last utterance. "I don't want to be a monster."

"You're not a monster, Ismene." Lily's voice floated down to her. "Sir, can't you do something?"

"There's nothing they can do." Ismene sat back on her heels, wiping tears off her cheeks with her fingers. "Once Voldemort targets someone for a task, he usually gets what he wants. I couldn't refuse, even if I wasn't being forced to agree. I'd be dead if I said no and I don't want to die."

"Dumbledore has offered you his protection." Moody said, "He can hide you better than anyone else. He's offered you residency at Hogwarts and there's no place safer."

"But my mother, sir. I may not love her or even like her, but I killed her husband. I can't just leave her alone."

"I don't understand."

"She's my family, sir." Ismene said, "I…I don't want this, I don't, but I can't just ruin my family like that. I've already started unraveling the tapestry that keeps us together by killing my father, I have to stop it from completely falling apart."

Moody shook his head and growled. "It's either Dumbledore or Voldemort and you're choosing Voldemort?"

"No, I'm choosing my family."

"Who are Death Eaters."

Ismene stood up, suddenly furious. Alastor Moody could only see the black inside her heart, not the white, and he definitely couldn't see the gray. To her, it wasn't a matter of Dumbledore versus Voldemort because in her heart the obvious choice was to go with Dumbledore, to run into the safety net he was offering her, but her mind told her to go with her family and old blood ties ran deep, too deep to change in the span of a few hours or even a few months.

"No." Ismene repeated, "I'm not choosing Death Eaters. I'm choosing my family."

Moody growled again, tugging at his hair. He shoved his face close to Ismene's so that she could see the anger and annoyance in his eyes. "You make no sense to me."

"I'm going to be neutral until I speak to Dumbledore." Ismene said softly, "Because I don't know if I want to trust a man whose job is to imprison men like my father."

"You're a bloody idiot." Moody said, "I've never seen anyone staunchly refuse either side before. Just know, I'm keeping my eye on you. You did me a favor by killing a renowned Death Eater, but just remember that you are underaged and performed an Unforgiveable, not to mention a Death Eater whether you willingly chose it or not. I'm going against my training and my judgment by not arresting you now and throwing you in Azkaban, but I trust Albus Dumbledore and I believe that he sees something in you."

"Dumbledore just knows that I'm something Voldemort wants." Ismene sighed, "I don't think he actually sees anything in me at all, he just doesn't want me going Dark."

There was no reply from Moody who just signaled to his partners and they wiped the minds of Lily's parents and her sister, leaving the witch to remember what had taken place, before they walked out of the door and Apparated away.

Ismene sank down on Lily's sofa again and Lily joined her. Lily sat rod straight, her fists balled up at her sides. "You know something?" Lily said, but Ismene was smart enough to know that the question wasn't one that Lily wanted to answer. She had the answer herself. "You're the most frustrating person I have ever met in my entire life. You tell me and Moody and just about everyone else you know that you don't want to be a Death Eater. You were forced to be a Death Eater, you killed your own father to protect people who you say you hate, but then at the same time you obviously don't. Dumbledore offers to protect you from Voldemort and you turn that down. It's like you're trying to convince everyone that you don't want to be something that you really, truly want."

"Do you really think it's so easy? To just say yes to you and James and Sirius and Dumbledore?" Ismene said, her voice cold. "It may not make sense to you, Lily, because you've never had to make a choice between Dumbledore's ideals and the family that raised you. I may hate my mother, I certainly hated my father, but they're my parents. That's my mum, the woman who raised me despite everything bad that she let happen to me, that's still my mum. I have nothing without them, Lily. I can't ask to crash on your sofa or move in because, sure I guess we're friends, but I can't ask that of you."

"We are friends and you can ask that of me." Lily said, "We have a spare room."

Ismene laughed. "Thanks, but I can't stay here. It's too dangerous." She stood up and smiled. "I know I'm frustrating, but you have to understand. It's terrifying to jump into the abyss and have no idea if someone is going to catch you or not. Maybe there's something gray area girls like me can do to help the right side, but right now I have to do what keeps me the safest and right now that's Voldemort."

Lily shook her head as she stood up, placing her hands on Ismene's elbows. "Swear you'll never kill a Muggle or a Muggle-born."

Plucking her wand out of her pocket, Ismene grabbed Lily's hand, squeezing it in her own as she tapped the end of her wand on their hands. Nothing happened, but Ismene liked to imagine she had cast an Unbreakable Vow, but she knew she'd never break this one despite the lack of magic involved. "I swear." she said and she dropped Lily's hand and walked out the door.

It simply meant that if Voldemort asked, she would have to kill her own kind instead.

A light snow had begun to fall as Ismene walked up the street from Lily's house, a borrowed 20 pound note in her pocket and directions to the nearest Tube stop rolling around in her mind. She couldn't go home, not tonight. She needed time for her mother to receive whatever news Mulciber and Rosier or maybe even Lucius would deliver to her. She handed the bored woman behind the ticket counter the money and pocketed her change and ticket as she walked to the subway train. It blew past her picking up litter on the platform as it slowed to a stop. The doors hissed open and she stepped inside and found an empty seat.

The subway tunnel's gray walls helped her to focus on clearing her mind of guilt. For the meanwhile, she was free of fuzzy thoughts and entire control. Her father was dead and it was only a matter of time before her mother picked up where she left off or passed on the idea of controlling her constantly to Lucius. For now, it was Christmas Eve and she knew that there was only one person in the entire world she wanted to see.

The address had been on an OWL Sirius had sent her over the summer, a teasing note about what she couldn't remember, but she had remembered the address. She walked down the dark, snowy sidewalk until she found the right housing block. She stood in front of number 11 and number 13 and thought hard about it until Number 12 Grimmauld Place materialized in front of her, shoving itself out of the formerly non-existent space between the other two townhomes.

She walked up the front steps, squaring her shoulders, and knocked on the door. The door creaked open and a haggard looking house-elf stared back up at her. "Can Kreacher help you?"

"Is Sirius at home?"

"Master Sirius is up in his room, breaking his mother's heart." Kreacher said. Ismene waited for a long while until he stepped aside to reveal Sirius' mother, Walpurga Black.

Mrs. Black looked like her son, same haughty features, gray eyes, black hair. But Sirius' eyes were softer, kinder and his mother's were the opposite. While Ismene couldn't call the look she had cruel, there was a harshness about her that was not present in her son. "Can I help you?"

"I'm a friend of Sirius'." Ismene said, not mentioning that she was Sirius' girlfriend. "Can I come in and say hello?"

"I'm afraid Sirius isn't seeing visitors at the moment." Mrs. Black said. "On account that he continues to disgrace our family name up at that school."

Ismene was actually surprised that Sirius was home for the holiday. But she suspected that from his mother's tone, they had dragged him kicking and screaming away from Hogwarts. His home life, it seemed, was about as warm as hers. It actually made her love him more that he helped her with her family problems when he had his own issues to deal with. He was stealthily selfless that Sirius Black. And Ismene knew that he deserved to have someone besides James, probably, who knew what his life was really life.

So when Mrs. Black tried to shut the door on her, Ismene grabbed it and pulled it back. "Please, I'm Ismene Malfoy." she emphasized her last name, knowing that their status in the Wizarding World pulled some weight. If she could convince Mrs. Black that she was pulling Sirius back to the darker side of the world, she could be with him, maybe even stay with him, for the rest of the break and at least they would have each other. "I'm…" she paused, wondering if it would do any good to say that she and Sirius were a couple, but it couldn't hurt, "I'm Sirius' girlfriend."

Probably for the first time in her entire life, Mrs. Black smiled and jerked her inside the house. It was dark and ghoulish. There was a troll leg that had been hollowed out and was holding umbrellas. In the kitchen, someone or something was banging pots around. Mrs. Black led her upstairs, past a gallery of house elf heads, and down a hallway. At the end, there were two doors and Ismene knew which one was Sirius' thanks to a plaque attached to it.

Mrs. Black didn't knock on her eldest son's door and Sirius immediately leapt off his bed and hurled a blast of orange light at the door. It slammed shut and Mrs. Black whipped out her wand and blasted it open. "Don't be rude, Sirius." Mrs. Black said, "You have a guest, a very regal guest and I believe that you should follow her lead and be more like her than your friend James Potter. I'll leave you two alone."

Ismene was nudged inside and the door slammed shut. She turned around and flipped the lock before walking over to a shocked Sirius. She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest and he instantly wrapped his arms around her. "What are you doing here?" he asked after he kissed her.

"I killed my father, Sirius." Ismene said and before he could say anything, she pulled her sleeve up and showed him the Mark. "And I was forced to become a Death Eater."

"Oh god, Ismene." Sirius said. He eased her down on his bed until they were lying flat on the mattress, his arms around her. "What are you going to do?"

"That Auror you like, Alastor Moody? He told me Dumbledore had an idea that I was going to be a target, that Dumbledore could give me protection, but I said I would have to think about it."

"Why do you have to think about it?" Sirius said, "Take the protection. Dumbledore's offering."

Ismene pushed herself closer to him, inhaling the scent of his spicy cologne. "I know I should, but I don't want to pick sides. I want you and everything that you stand for, but I can't seem to see my life without my family."

Sirius nodded into her hair and weaved his fingers into hers. "I see that, I mean, I've never experienced much love for my family, but I understand where you're coming from. Family loyalty is really strong amongst pure blood families. And you're afraid of disappointing them, I get that to. But…"

"Does there have to be a but?"

"Well, this one isn't as cute as mine, but yes, there has to be one." Sirius said and Ismene laughed. "You did kill your father, you've already got a black spot on your name as a Death Eater."

"Which is?"

"Killing a Death Eater. That's what Auror's do."

"I'm not an Auror."

"I know, but you've got one step closer to being an Auror than I do." Sirius said, "But what are you going to do?"

"Can I stay with you for a few days? I don't want to be home when my mother finds out. I'm hoping someone lies and tells her I was taken captive so when I come back, I'll be heralded as a hero." Ismene said, "I hope someone tells that to Voldemort to."

"Of course you can stay." Sirius said, "Maybe I'll win some points over with my mother for dating the daughter of a well-known pureblood family."

For a long while, they just lay there, moments of stillness broken by kisses, until Ismene closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Sirius breathing. "What does Voldemort want with you?" he finally asked, broaching the question that she couldn't answer.

"He wants me to be his pawn, just like father."

"And what are you going to do?"

It was the same question Lily had asked her and the answer hadn't changed. "For now, I'm going to do what he wants, only I'm not going to kill or hurt a Muggle or a Muggle-born."

"So you're going to do what he wants by just not doing it and saying you did?"

She couldn't tell him about the Inferi and the assignment to kill Tristan. It was too hard to verbalize. So she rolled over and laid across his chest, her blonde hair forming a curtain around their faces. She kissed him.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do."

But she knew that she would have to earn Voldemort's trust. She would have to make the Inferi to get him to believe her if any rumor of her disloyalty reached him.

That meant she would have to kill Tristan whether she liked it or not.

_Hey y'all! Sorry it's been forever since I last updated this. I graduated from college last month, so I've been busy adjusting to life as an adult. That means I've been job searching because no one pays people to write fanfiction or sit around all day writing original works. _

_Marauder Fox- Thanks so much! I'm glad you like them and think that I'm a good writer! I'll try and keep it coming as often as I can! _

_beba78- I'm glad I surprised you! Hopefully, there will be a lot more surprises to come!_

_amrawo- She and Sirius are so cute and they just get cuter (at least I plan for it to be that way for a while). Yeah, the Dark Mark sucks, but Ismene's getting stronger, so she'll deal with it when the time comes!_

_Don't forget to Read and Review! It makes me feel better about my unemployment!_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"_Because death is just so full and mine so small. Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before."- Mumford & Sons, "After the Storm"_

In the middle of the night, Ismene awoke from a nightmare with a jolt. She glanced over her shoulder as she sat up, a small smile on her face when she noticed Sirius beside her. He lay on his back still in his clothes from the day, his mouth open slightly as he breathed the even breaths of a dreamless, deep sleep. She smoothed his dark hair out of his face lovingly. It was getting longer than he normally wore it and she wondered if she could convince him to let her trim it a bit in the morning.

Slowly, she slid out of the bed so she didn't wake him up and found a pair of his socks lying on the floor. She slipped them on and walked out of his room. There wasn't anywhere for her to go and she didn't know what the Blacks would think if they found her wandering around in their house in the middle of the night, but she couldn't sleep and decided to risk getting caught.

For what felt like hours, she wandered up and down the stairs, peeking inside rooms and wandering around in them. One room, a study she decided, was crammed with furniture. She found an old oil lamp and turned it on, illuminating the room slightly. She opened and shut doors in a writing desk. She dropped a snuff box on the floor with a thunk when it tried to bite her fingers. It scuttled underneath the desk and Ismene shook her head.

"Strange." Even the idea of the snuff box being strange was strange to her. Her father had odder things in the dungeons below the house. But while she knew the Blacks supported what Voldemort stood for, Ismene hadn't imagined that they would have dark things.

The room was larger than she thought and on one wall, a huge tapestry hung. The Black family crest was at the top of it, a motto "Toujours Pur" written beneath it, and what followed was an immensely detailed family tree. Ismene studied it carefully, noting the relatives that she and Sirius had in common before she got to his threaded portrait close to the bottom. It looked like him and she traced her fingers along the portraits jaw line.

The door creaked open and Ismene leapt back from the tapestry, her mouth opening and closing as she tried and failed to form an explanation. But it was just Sirius, who shut the door behind him and bolted it. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Not at all." Ismene replied. She let Sirius take her by the hand and lead her to a chair where they collapsed together into it. She looked at the tapestry and then looked back at Sirius. "You never told me that your birthday was in November."

"Yeah, well."

"I would have got you a present."

Sirius pulled her close, resting his head on her shoulder and snuggling his face close to her neck. "You're my present."

"Oh you are so cheesy."

"I am brie, I am camembert." Sirius laughed and then he kissed the part of her forearm where the Mark had been placed.

The delicate skin there was still red from receiving the Mark, but the outline of it had faded from deep black to a near match of her skin tone. Someone looking close could see the scar-like outline of it, but otherwise no one could tell. It was a good idea, Ismene thought, to not have it always be so dark. She sighed, relaxing into the chair and Sirius' arms. She couldn't understand why it was so easy for him to hate his family when she had every right to easily hate hers. "How are you able to do it?" Ismene asked softly.

Sirius looked up at her as he pushed his fringe out of his eyes. "Do what?"

"Disagree with your family so easily."

"I don't know, James had a lot to do with it, I suppose." Sirius said, "I was kind of like you when I was younger, but then again my parents never used Unforgiveable Curses on me either. But I do remember one day being out in London with my mother when I was about eight or nine, maybe I was even ten, I can't remember and I saw this Muggle boy about my age shove his little sister. His mother swooped down on him, scolding him and telling him to be nice. It was such a small thing, but it clicked to me that my parents weren't being nice to Muggles and then when I went to Hogwarts, I met James and got sorted into Gryffindor and so I just…I just never agreed with them completely and after I wasn't sorted into Slytherin, they made it easier for me to be disgusted with them.

"But you, you had it different, didn't you? Completely secluded? Flooing to Diagon Alley so you never experienced Muggle London? Controlled when you showed the slightest hint of rebellion so you wouldn't do it again. But you weren't sorted into Slytherin, you were sorted into Ravenclaw, but you still don't associate with half-bloods and Muggleborns do you?"

"My friend Bonnie is a half-blood and I talk to Lily." Ismene said and then everything poured out. "Earlier, when I told you I murdered my father? It was because Voldemort had ordered me to practice killing Muggles. We Apparated to some village and stood outside this Muggle family's home. It was Lily Evan's house and I just…it was like you, something clicked, and I knew that I couldn't kill her for no good reason, so I didn't. I saved them and damned the consequences and killed my father instead of her."

Sirius' eyes widened. "Lily Evans? Why her?"

"I have no idea." Ismene said, "Lily has always been nice to me, regardless of how I treat her and how I still treat her. I had to be kind to her."

"But you're still going to be a Death Eater?"

There was a small laugh that rolled out of Ismene's lips and she kissed Sirius' forehead. "I feel like we've had this conversation so many times, but yes, I am. Not because I really want to, but because I have to."

Sirius shook his head. "No, you don't."

"Yes, I do, Sirius." Ismene said. A serious look crossed her face and she set her lips in a thin line. "It's not something I can just quit. Can you see me handing Voldemort an elegantly written parchment telling him that I'm sorry, but I can't be a Death Eater, here's my two week's notice? He would murder me."

"So it's…"

"Life or death." Ismene replied, "And I'm sorry, but I have to choose life."

"At the expense of other people's lives."

Ismene let out a groan and she pulled herself out of Sirius' lap. She walked away from her, her arms crossed, her eyes turned down to stare at the floor. In her mind, she saw Tristan's face and the fact that he looked just like her beloved brother. If she didn't kill Tristan and make him into an Inferi, Voldemort would kill her. But this was an eleven year old boy not to mention that he was her nephew. Every other future murder she would commit, she could convince herself that they were strangers, a sick and twisted method of ridding herself of guilt. But she knew Tristan. She had spoken to him and sewed up his ragged backpack and told him that she was his aunt. She had a relationship with this young boy and she had been ordered to kill him by a psychotic wizard who believed that he was nothing more than scum.

She would kill Tristan, she knew that much, because she valued her own life more than she valued his. The thought shamed her, but she couldn't deny that she had thought it. She had had years to prove herself a worthy member of the Wizarding society, but she was condemning Tristan, who had yet to even get a shot and showing that he was talented. Any scheme to save his life was rejected as soon as she thought of it. He was too smart, too much of a Gryffindor to become a Death Eater and his blood status was known anyway. And then the thought came to her that if she didn't kill Tristan, someone else would and she couldn't allow that. She could be gentle, someone else would play with him.

"I swore to Lily that I wouldn't hurt Muggles or Mudbloods." Ismene said, "Only other wizards."

"Why other wizards?"

"They can fight back." Ismene said, "I'd rather die in a duel than be killed in my sleep on Voldemort's orders." Then she paused and let out a sad sigh. "I don't want to be a monster, Sirius, but I don't have a choice."

Sirius let his chin rest in his hand and he studied his girlfriend carefully. While he had fallen asleep in his clothes, she had changed into a Montrose Magpies Quidditch team shirt of his. It fell to the middle of her thighs, but she had put on a pair of athletic shorts on, too. She could have passed for a Muggle and he was baffled by her. It was obvious to both of them that she didn't want to be a Death Eater, she had told him that time and time again. But she had been forced to become one and now seemed to accept her fate unlike him, who was more than ready to run from his family's belief system.

Yet, he couldn't help but be somewhat proud of her. Sure, she was in the wrong, but there was something to be said about unfailing loyalty.

"You do have a choice, though." Sirius replied, "You said Dumbledore could protect you."

"I don't want to be indebted to Dumbledore."

"So what are you going to do?"

She paused, biting her lower lip. "I'll think of something."

The rest of the winter holiday went fast. Ismene didn't return home and remained with Sirius instead. When he was over at James' for a week, Ismene visited Lily, who was lovely to her as always. Lily showed her the Muggle world that she had never seen. They sipped cappuccinos in a café and shopped in boutiques that Lily loved. It took some convincing, but Ismene did break down and purchase a blue pea coat that Lily swore brought out the color of her eyes. She wore it home from the store, surprised that it was just as warm as robes, plus it didn't tangle with her feet when she walked.

The Evans were extraordinarily kind and seemed rather pleased to have her staying with them. Mrs. Evans attempted to make Butterbeer after hearing Ismene mention a craving for the drink to Lily. It didn't turn out well, but Ismene knew that she had gone to a lot of effort to try and make it and drank the sickly sweet drink. In return, Ismene took the Tube one morning while the Evans were at church to London and popped into the Three Broomsticks to buy actual bottles of the drink for them to try. When she got home, they had beaten her back and were delighted at the treat.

One night, the two girls were lying awake at night, Lily's trunk packed at their feet and a borrowed duffle bag was full of Ismene's new, Muggle clothes. "Can I ask you a question?" Lily said and Ismene glanced up at her from the blankets she had spread out on the floor.

"Sure."

"Why did you show up that night? Why would Voldemort want to kill me?"

"I don't know." Ismene replied, "I had no idea where we were going, it was all random. At least, I thought it was, to the rest of them it could have been planned."

"If you decide to go back to those meetings—"

"I've already decided, I have to go back to those meetings. Voldemort will have me killed if I don't."

"Fine, when you go to the next meeting, will you tell me if my name comes up? It can't possibly be random."

"I'll keep an ear out." Ismene said, "Just keep your head down at school, lots of Death Eaters have children our age and they could be acting as spies."

"What did you say?"

"All the Slytherins could be spies for Voldemort?"

Lily sat up quickly and tossed all of her blankets onto Ismene's face in her excitement. "That's it!"

"What's it?"

"A spy, you can be a spy for Dumbledore." Lily said, "And you can tell him all of Voldemort's plans."

"Oh Lily, I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

There were many reasons why Ismene didn't think it was a good idea. It would make it much more dangerous for her, to begin with. Then she knew without a doubt that she would have to do everything Voldemort ordered her to do so that no one would suspect that she was the one feeding information to the other side. But maybe spying would be what the gray area people were good at. You didn't necessarily have to be loyal to either side, you just had to like one less than the other. But she sighed as she placed her hands behind her heads. It was the best option she had been presented with.

"Alright, I'll do that."

Winter holidays over, Ismene struggled to get herself to her classes despite Bonnie's urgent complaints and common threats that she would flunk if she missed another Care of Magical Creatures class. To appease her roommate, she would grab her bag and walk to class with slow heavy steps and sit there, staring at whatever professor was lecturing about some new or not so new spell or merely reviewed for the O.W.L.s, but not absorb a thing. Ismene had more pressing matters on her shoulders than worrying about some tests she wasn't going to even study for. She didn't care about O.W.L. scores like everyone else. They had a choice in their future careers, she was already marred by a choice she didn't even make. It wasn't like the Ministry was going to hire her to be anything but a janitor because she couldn't lie the way other Death Eaters could even if she had legitimately been Imperioused.

The day after she got back, she told Sirius, and James and Remus because they happened to be there, what she had happened over winter break and what she had discussed with Lily about spying. At first, James and Remus had been disgusted with her about now being a Death Eater and it took some convincing from her and Sirius that she wasn't going to be a real Death Eater at all, that she was going to be a spy. She could tell that James was still wary of her, but she squared her shoulders and stared him straight in the eye. "I swear, James, that I'm not going to do what Voldemort wants me to do. I'm going to Dumbledore after this to tell him that I'm planning on spying for him."

"But, you…" James sputtered.

"Were Imperioused into doing it?" Ismene supplied and, reluctantly, James nodded. "I'm not going to be Voldemort's pawn. I'm going to take control of my life for once."

"And all it took was you murdering your own father to figure that out?" James asked, a tone in his voice that had a hint of mockery in it.

"Unfortunately."

Remus flopped down on the sofa in the Gryffindor common room where they were and where Sirius had snuck her in. He looked paler than usual and Ismene reckoned that the full moon that occurred over break had been particularly hard on him and his words admitted it. "And I thought I had a tough break being without you all for my transformation. I nearly took out an entire flock of sheep one night!"

James laughed and patted his friend on the knee. "Oh Remus and your furry little problem. I guess being a Death Eater is Ismene's own furry issue."

Remus rolled over onto his side and propped his head up in his hand. "Ismene has a dark little problem."

"That makes it sound like I'm afraid of the dark." Ismene protested which made Remus laugh.

"Everyone thinks I have a really bad pet rabbit at home."

"We have to give it a better name then a dark little problem."

"A snake problem?" Sirius suggested and Ismene turned and pointed at him.

"Bingo."

It took her a few days, though, before she could be convinced by her friends, the good influences she needed, to speak to Dumbledore. During one of her free periods, she made her way up to his office. The large eagle stood still at the bottom of his office entrance and she stared at it for a while, trying to figure out how to get in. She tried to duck underneath its feathers, but no such luck. All she got out of that was a tear in her robes. She asked to be let it in, but that worked just as well as trying to wiggle underneath the statue. With a huff, she waved her hands in front of it, wondering if there was some sort of motion detector she hadn't triggered yet.

"Can I help you, Miss. Malfoy?" Dumbledore's amused voice came from behind her and she leapt in surprise.

"Professor, you scared me."

"I'm sorry, but your performance was too entertaining for me to interrupt." Dumbledore said, looking over his half-moon spectacles at her. "Come in to my office and we'll have a chat." He added and then gave her a sly wink and looked at the eagle. "Licorice Wands." The eagle slowly began turning and a set of stairs appeared. Dumbledore walked toward them and Ismene followed. They rode all the way to the top.

Dumbledore's office was a menagerie of objects that Ismene couldn't help but reach out and touch. Detection tools, odd tops that she didn't know what they were for, a basin full of a silvery liquid called a Pensieve. From above them and around them, portraits of former Hogwarts headmasters and headmistresses looked on or were gone entirely from their portraits. Dumbledore was behind his desk and shuffling through his papers before Ismene even realized it. She walked toward him, admiring a red Phoenix perched near the desk. She reached out and tried to pet the bird, but he playfully nipped at her fingers and Ismene recoiled.

"Careful, Fawkes sometimes bites." Dumbledore said, "But look, give him your fingers."

One finger had a thick drop of blood on it and it slid down, leaving a trail. Ismene did as Dumbledore told her and held out the finger to the bird. A small, crystal tear slid out of Fawkes' eye and fell onto the nip. Immediately, the nip healed and the blood vanished. "Amazing." Ismene said, admiring her hand, "I've heard about the healing power of Phoenix tears, but I never thought I'd get to see it for myself, let alone experience it."

"Ah yes, Phoenixes are marvelous creatures." Dumbledore said, "But I don't think that you came here today to get a lesson on Phoenixes, am I right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Than tell me, why are you here, Miss. Malfoy? Does it have anything to do with something a certain Auror told you about an offer I have extended out to a very troubled yet very talented witch?"

Ismene sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk slowly. "Yes and no, Professor." she began, "I have to admit that I cannot accept your offer of protecting me because I feel that will endanger my life more."

"I see."

"But I can't be a Death Eater. Perhaps there are some things I still believe in, but I can't kill anyone just because they aren't magical. Sometimes things just have to be tolerated if they can't be changed."

"Go on."

She swallowed nervously. "It's because of this that I want to offer my services to you."

A small smile crept across Dumbledore's face as he sat back into his chair, folding his hands as he did so. "Your services?"

"I can be a spy for you." Ismene said, "If I do what Voldemort has assigned me to do, it proves to him that I am trustworthy. I can get in to his inner circle and give you any information you want. His whereabouts. Who else are Death Eaters. Who's the next target on Voldemort's list. Anything you want."

"Miss. Malfoy, you are a fifteen year old witch, I cannot ask you to spy for me when you can't even legally cast magic outside of this school."

"I have to do something, Professor, that makes me feel better about the lot that has been thrown at me." Ismene said softly, "I can't just be a Death Eater and not tell someone what I know. If I have to, I'll tell Sirius Black and he can tell you. Either way, I'm going to be your spy whether or not I have your consent."

"You're very clever, an excellent example of a true Ravenclaw." Dumbledore said, "Though I have to wonder if the resourcefulness you are also exhibiting is going to be your downfall."

"How so?"

"Deciding to switch sides based on keeping yourself safe is a good plan, Miss. Malfoy, but it may not be wise to chose preservation like that." Dumbledore said, "Can I not persuade you to accept my offer? Certainly an intelligent young woman like yourself can manage with a private tutor."

Ismene stood up and walked toward the stairs. Placing her hand on the wall, she turned and looked over her shoulder at Dumbledore. "I'm sorry, Professor, but I cannot except you offer out of concern for my friends. If Voldemort knows that I have gone missing, I'm afraid that he'll target the people I love the most."

"Lily Evans, for one." Ismene said, "And Sirius Black and James Potter and Remus Lupin." She swallowed, knowing that not even Dumbledore could protect Tristan from the person who was going to kill him. "And Tristan Malfoy, my nephew."

"And do you think spying for me is going to protect them?"

A reluctant yes was pulled from her lips and she was gone.

_Author's Note—Ahhh, I just saw Deathly Hallows Part 2 last night and I thought it was absolutely wonderful! A great way to end the series._

_DON'T FORGET TO READ AND REVIEW!_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"_So I go and get my murderin' tools."-The Avett Brothers, "I Killed Sally's Lover"_

Three months had passed since she had spoken with Dumbledore about what she was going to do and she hadn't changed her mind a bit. Ismene sat in the Ravenclaw common room, her Charms book spread out in front of her. She rested her foot on a page to keep her place as she reached over to grab her notes and another book that had been wrapped in Christmas paper from a gift Bonnie had given her when they arrived back at school. She pulled it close to her, leaning back against a chair and holding the book close to her chest. The book was from the Restricted Section of the library and she knew she would get expelled if anyone knew that she had stolen it.

Days after she had arrived back at school, her mother had sent her an owl detailing the events surrounding her father's death. Obviously, a story had been painted by Mulciber or Rosier to save their hides. Even Ismene knew that Voldemort would kill Death Eaters who allowed themselves to be bested by a fifteen year old girl. Her mother said that her father died a hero after taking out three Aurors on his own. Apparently even Voldemort lamented the loss of one of his most loyal followers.

Mrs. Malfoy mentioned nothing of the task Ismene had been assigned, but she knew that it would be too long before Lucius would write to her with the next step, but Ismene didn't need it. If she wanted to survive because somehow she knew Voldemort wasn't stupid enough to believe the story he was told since she hadn't returned with them, she had to figure out how to make an Inferi and she had to do it fast.

But she had no idea where to start and there was no one she could ask. Professor Flitwick would be suspicious if she came to him with a question about some of the darkest of dark creatures. She had looked in her Care of Magical Creatures book and _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _but there was nary a mention of them anywhere.

So she had resorted to thievery.

In the middle of the night, Ismene had avoided Filch all the way to the library. She picked carefully over the chains barring entry and used a cutting spell when she found the book she wanted. She cast a silencing spell when she got back into the dormitory after narrowly avoiding tripping over Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat. She hid it underneath her bed, away from Bonnie's prying eyes and hadn't touched it since.

Despite it being a Saturday with a scheduled Hogsmeade trip later in the afternoon, Ismene was trying to find information about Inferi and it didn't seem to be working. She sat down her paper covered book with a sigh before she lifted her leg and flipped through her Charms book. There had to be something. There was a charm for reviving people who had passed out or for cleaning up dead flies, but nothing about how to bring people back from the dead and turn them into little less than zombies.

Ismene sighed. She hadn't been looking for very long, but her heart wasn't in it and she didn't know if it ever would be. The closer she came to finding a way to complete the task Voldemort had assign her to, the closer Tristan came to being dead.

Stacking the books up, Ismene carried them back into her room and dropped them unceremoniously into her trunk and shut the lid. This wasn't going to keep her from going to Hogsmeade with Sirius or throwing mid-March slush at Lily or spitting Butterbeer out of her nose at one of James' jokes. She wasn't going to let Voldemort prevent her from grasping at the childhood friends her father had never let her have. For once, she could feel freedom on her face as she grabbed her robes and wrapped her scarf around her neck and walked out of the Ravenclaw common room all the way to the doors that led out of the school.

Ismene found Lily standing with Severus Snape, who glared at her. She knew he blamed her for the coolness that Lily had been treating him with, for outing him for what he truly was, but Lily was too kind to refuse to speak to him and they still remained friends despite everything. It was how Lily was with people that she saw goodness in, it was what Ismene admired about the girl she was finally content to call friend. "Ismene, I didn't think you were going to come!" Lily said, a spark of excitement in her voice.

"I changed my mind." Ismene said, "I can't study all weekend, can I?"

"No, you can't." Lily said, but Snape made a noise that almost sounded like a sarcastic laugh. Lily looked at him, her lips in a thin line. "What was that for, Sev?"

"I'm sure she's studying the Dark Arts still." Snape said, "I'm sure that book wasn't the only one she had. How can you forgive her? She was with those Death Eaters that night at your house. She is one after all." Though Lily didn't notice it, Ismene thought she detected a hint of jealousy in Snape's voice, irritation that she was what he wanted to be.

Ismene felt a slick of betrayal run down her back. Snape knew and Lily had told him everything. With a snap of her cloak, Ismene stalked past Lily. How could she? She had never sworn not to tell, but Ismene had thought that Lily wouldn't spread gossip around the school, especially to boys like Severus Snape. At the end of the pathway that everyone used to get to Hogsmeade, Ismene turned around and noticed that Lily hadn't chased after her. Instead she was walking side by side with Snape. Perhaps it all made sense. She and Lily were friends, but even friends had other friends they preferred. She knew that Lily hated that she hung around James Potter and was dating Sirius exclusively just like Lily knew how much Ismene hated Snape.

They dealt with their friendship like they dealt with everything else, but refusing to acknowledge directly just how much they disliked the other one's other friends.

Alone, Ismene walked behind her classmates to the town, wondering where Sirius and James and Remus were. The three of them had permission to go on the outings, but she had never noticed them walking with everyone else. Either they left earlier or left later than all the other students, but she wasn't sure how they managed to get away with that. But then, those boys had always surprised her and she didn't see why they wouldn't go to Hogsmeade in a manner more spectacular than their peers.

In Honeydukes, Ismene perused the shelves of candy. Even growing up in the Wizarding world, she was still amazed by the charms used to just make candy interesting. The fact that the occasional display of Chocolate Frogs would tumble down because of a jumping chocolate frog trying to escape or the way Drooble's Best Blowing Bubble Gum had bubbles that never popped. The slight pink and purple and gold parks that came out of the tips of Licorice Wands when you first picked one up. She loved the simple delights of the candy store. She grabbed a box of Chocolate Frogs and filled up a paper sack with Chocoballs, delicious chocolate truffles filled with strawberry mousse and clotted cream.

She paid and walked back outside munching on a Chocoball as she kicked at the lingering snow. She followed High Street all the way to the Shrieking Shack where she stopped and found a stump to sit on. She could hear people walking through the streets of Hogsmeade, shouting after their friends or singing songs drunkenly as they popped out of The Three Broomsticks. It wasn't long before Ismene felt chilled and moved away from the stump, heading back toward town.

The overwhelming feeling of loneliness struck her as she walked into the pub, a smiling Madame Rosemerta greeting her. She sat down at a table near the back, leaning her chair back on two legs. Everyone else in the pub were surrounded by their friends, but she wasn't. Ismene was alone and was close to deciding that it was a feeling she was going to have to get used to. Once she killed Tristan, she was sure that she was going to voluntarily isolate herself from everyone she knew. How could a murderer deserve friends and love anyway? Besides, the moment she uttered the words of the Killing Curse, she'd be locked up in Azkaban. She might as well get used to being lonely and unloveable.

Madame Rosemerta brought her a frothy pint of butterbeer and Ismene sipped it slowly. Of course, she did wonder where the boys were, she couldn't imagine them staying up at the castle to study. And as if to answer her own question, the door to the pub opened and Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter waltzed in. She saw James fumbling with something and a section of his leg disappeared. The invisibility cloak. Ismene had forgotten about it.

It didn't take long for the boys to order and for Sirius to spot her. Jolly and red cheeked, he dashed over to her, sliding into the chair beside her. He kissed her and Ismene smiled as she allowed herself to settle into his arms. Maybe she deserved a little bit of love since she wasn't a willing participant. Maybe there were ways around Voldemort's task that would let her stay with Sirius.

James pulled a face when he joined them, Butterbeers in his hand. "Do you have to do that in public, Padfoot?"

"Do what?" Sirius asked as he took his drink, his arm slipping around Ismene's waist. "Show affection to my girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"Oh Prongs, don't be jealous." Sirius said and he turned to Ismene. "Don't listen to James, Is, he's just upset that Lily Evans has turned him down flat for the hundredth time." He kissed her cheek and Ismene smiled. She loved him, she really did. She may have just been fifteen and he the same age, but she couldn't help how she felt. She hadn't felt this good ever and she relished in it.

She had friends. She had a boyfriend. She had a life that was worth living if she could just get out of being a Death Eater alive.

James slumped into his chair. "I don't get what she sees in Snivellus."

Remus shrugged. "I'm sure he isn't as bad as you and Sirius think he is. Obviously Lily sees something in him."

"He's a git, though." James said, "And those people he hangs around with. Avery and Mulciber, they're Death Eaters or they want to be Death Eater's like their fathers. He's trouble, I can sense it."

Ismene cleared her throat. "Yes, but if we're judging people based on those standards, then none of you would associate with me, remember?"

James shook his hand, mussing up his hair with his hands that made a group of third year girls walking past their table swoon just slightly. He noticed and grinned, glad of the attention from someone of the opposite sex. "But we all know that you don't want to be what you are. You were forced."

"It doesn't matter about Snape, anyway." Ismene said, "Avery's and Mulciber's fathers are both Death Eaters, but Snape isn't. He may study the Dark Arts, but he certainly isn't in a position to use them unless his friends get him initiated, but even they aren't yet. I'm sure their father's are keeping them out of it until they're of age."

"So what does Voldemort want with you?" James asked, "You're not of age either."

"I guess he thinks since I'm in Ravenclaw I'm more clever than anyone else." Ismene added a shrug to make it seem like she had no idea what Voldemort wanted her to do. "And he obviously doesn't have time to keep up with research and new developments in spells and enchantments because he's so busy trying to take over the world. He didn't tell me what I was supposed to do."

The boys nodded and Sirius' grip tightened around her. Ismene tucked her hair behind her ears and looked from Sirius to James. "How's Quidditch practice coming?"

"Oh you know." James said, "It's Quidditch practice. But I'm sure we'll beat Hufflepuff in the game next week."

The conversation then turned to Quidditch and a debate about where the next World Cup was going to be held. James and Sirius both hoped that it would be somewhere nearby while Remus believed that it would probably be in Spain where the last World Champion Quidditch team was. Peter, apparently, didn't care which created an uproar between James and Sirius trying to convince him why he should care about the game. They didn't succeed one bit.

It was late in the afternoon when they left the pub to start back up to the school. Sirius and Ismene walked slower behind the others, holding hands as he whispered sweet nothings into her ears and some rather naughty things that made her blush and playfully shove him away with a sharp "Sirius." They stopped outside of Honeydukes and Sirius waved to James who was already inside.

"I'm afraid I have to leave you here." Sirius said, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear. "Can you manage back to the castle yourself?"

"Why can't you walk with me?" Ismene asked, "You have to go back to the castle too."

Sirius wrapped his arms around her neck pulling her into a deep kiss that left her breathless when he pulled away, a smile playing on his lips. "James and I have had too many detentions so we lost our Hogsmeade privileges."

"Then how did you get here?"

He pressed a finger to her lips. "That's my secret." He kissed her again, a quick peck on the forehead. "I'll see you at dinner tonight."

"See you."

Ismene watched him walked into the candy store and disappear beneath James' cloak. She didn't know how they were going to manage to get back, but she trusted that Sirius wasn't going to just walk back out of the front door. The boys had their own ways of doing things and getting places. She headed back up toward the castle, her feet catching on a root that she swore had come out of nowhere. She tumbled down and felt something appear around her mouth, but it was invisible. Magic was gagging her into silence.

Out of the shadows of a nearby clump of trees, Lucius appeared, his wand pointed at her. With a flick of his wand, Ismene jerked up and she felt the warmth of the spell, the lightheadedness that was distinctive of the Imperius curse course through her veins as she struggled in vain to not walk forward. When she was in reach, Lucius grabbed her and she felt herself being sucked through a tube.

They had Apparated to the very room where Ismene had been inducted into the ranks of the Death Eaters. Lucius released her and removed the gag. She promptly fell to the ground, her head swimming as he removed the Imperius curse from where it had wrapped itself around her mind. "Lord Voldemort wants to speak to you, but while we wait, I wanted to ask some questions of my own." Lucius said. He paced around her like a vulture. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" Ismene asked, her voice barely registering above a whisper.

"I know the truth, Ismene. How could you kill your father?"

The answer to the question wasn't one Lucius wanted, so Ismene lied. "She had injured him beyond healing, no one in St. Mungo's could have saved him." she said, knowing that a lie claiming Lily was very powerful wouldn't help keep her friend from being a target. "It was a mercy killing. Papa begged me to do it."

Lucius looked relieved and Ismene knew she had convinced him that her lie was true. She knew that Lucius loved her, perhaps unlike Sirius but then perhaps not since just that summer he had tried to seduce her, but Ismene couldn't help but see that maybe her cousin was just like she was. He had killed Ajax, but the more Ismene thought about it as she watched Lucius reach down to help her up and embrace her, the more she wondered if he had done it because he thought he was doing the right thing? Protecting her from her prodigal brother.

"Good, good." He murmured into her hair. He pushed her away and cocked his head to the side. "You look different."

"How do I look any different than I did last time you saw me?"

"You look happy."

"Do I?"

"Yes." Lucius smirked, "Are you glad to finally know that your family is proud of you for deciding to join us?"

The question threw her off guard and Ismene took a few stumbling steps backwards. Proud of her? How could her family be proud of her? Maybe joining the Death Eaters was a start, but she couldn't imagine anyone being proud of her for committing murder. But then, her family wasn't exactly the most well balanced or sensible of families. A swell of joy filled her chest despite everything. It did feel good to know that her family was proud of her despite the fact that it came from a sick and twisted place.

"I am." Ismene replied, "But Lucius, why have you brought me here?"

Lucius put an arm around her shoulder and began to lead her through the room. He held a curtain aside for her, using his wand to light candles that made the chamber look less frightening, though the dim light did nothing to ease Ismene's growing nerves. "The Dark Lord has seen into your mind." Lucius replied, "And he sense that you are not going to be able to complete your task."

"But I'm trying." Ismene said, her voice cracking, "I'm trying, I just need more time."

"My dear girl, are you afraid?"

The voice was cold, but there was something in its tone that resembled the voice of a person who was touched emotionally by what they were witnessing. Ismene and Lucius had stopped and she turned to look at the chair in front of her. Lord Voldemort was seated, his hand stroking the head of his pet snake Nagini. He gestured for her to come closer and she did voluntarily.

"Yes, yes I am afraid." Ismene murmured.

"Who are you afraid of?"

"You."

Voldemort stood and chuckled the fond chuckle of an uncle who doesn't quite understand children. He reached out his arms and gave her one awkward, quick embrace. "You're very smart to be afraid of me." he said, "Smarter than any of my other followers. I can tell that you know what I am capable of and you know that the task I have assigned you to do is a dangerous one indeed. Though, I have to say that any girl who can kill her own father without regret isn't the sort of girl who should be afraid of me." He then bent down close to her ear and whispered, "Yes, I know the truth of how your father died. And believe me when I say that I am amazed that you did it to protect a filthy Mudblood girl. But, it is exactly what I wanted out of you."

"My lord?"

"It showed that you are powerful." Voldemort replied, "But don't think that I won't punish you if you don't do what I ask the next time." Then, in a very Muggle like fashion, Voldemort slapped her.

Ismene held her stinging cheek in her hand, waiting for the Cruciatus curse that never came. Voldemort merely sat back down in his chair while Bellatrix Lestrange scuttled up beside him. Her black hair was wild about her head and she twisted her wand in her fingers. She kneeled beside Voldemort, a pleading look in her eyes and Ismene let a laugh slip out. The woman was enamored with Voldemort and Ismene couldn't help be notice the same looks she gave Sirius passed from Bellatrix to the obviously unaware Voldemort. But Bellatrix heard the laugh and sneered.

"She's a child, my Lord, what do you think she can actually do?" Bellatrix replied, "I'll do it for you. I am loyal to you."

"I know. Your loyalty is unwavering, but what I need Ismene for is a singular task. I need you for many more things than just one, Bellatrix." Voldemort said. He turned to look back at Ismene who shifted from foot to foot uncomfortable with his gaze. "I can see in your mind that you are having trouble completing your task, Ismene."

"It isn't because I don't want to do it, my Lord." Ismene spat out hurriedly, "There just aren't the right books at Hogwarts that I can easily access and the librarian will start to notice if a lot of her books in the Restricted Section go missing."

Voldemort nodded. "_Accio Creatures Moste Foule"_

A book soared out from places unknown and landed in Ismene's out stretched hands. The book looked like it had belonged to the same series that the Dark Arts book her father had given her in the beginning of the year. She opened it and the scent of mold and aging book made her nostrils flare. She flipped through the pages, some of them disintegrating as she turned them. Voldemort must have gotten impatient because the pages soon began to turn themselves rapidly before the book fell out of her hands and stayed open at a page about the Inferi.

Ismene reached down and picked it up with one hand. A flutter of pages fell from it and scattered at the ground around her feet. But the section about Inferi remained. The illustrations were gruesome, showing step by step on how the process went down. Cartoon figures of an ancient looking wizard murdering a man labeled "Muggle" and then forcing a potion down the man's throat to decompose his body to the proper state before reciting a complex sounding spell that had to be repeated, but the process could only be done beneath a specific seasonal full moon. The next one up was the Lenten Moon that was happening in two weeks which Ismene knew because Bonnie had convinced her to go to Astronomy class every night. The steps of it were disgusting and ridiculously complicated. Ismene couldn't imagine putting Tristan through this.

And Voldemort expected her to do this or die. Now she understood why he needed someone else to do it for her. It was time sensitive and Voldemort had better things to than wait around for bodies to decompose at an accelerated rate and watch lunar charts to make sure the full moon was the right one.

She ripped the pages detailing the ingredients for the potion, the words of the spell, and the steps she would have to take along with other information out of the book and shoved them deep into the pocket of her robes. She glanced up at Voldemort, studying him closely. He looked expectant, waiting anxiously for what she would say next. Then Ismene looked at Bellatrix, the wild look in her eye that was hate.

It struck her then that maybe she didn't have to kill Tristan at all. If she could get someone else to do it then at least she would only have his death on her conscience but not his blood on her hands.

When Voldemort made a gesture of dismissal to everyone in the room, Ismene walked back over the Lucius. "Are you going to take me back to Hogsmeade?" Ismene asked.

Lucius made to place a hand on her shoulder, but from behind, Bellatrix seized her shoulder. She squeezed, digging her long fingernails into Ismene, making the girl wince. "I'll tak her back, Lucius." she said, "I'm sure Narcissa is waiting on you."

"Who's Narcissa?" Ismene asked but Bellatrix had Disapparated before Lucius could answer.

It was dark and Ismene swore under her breath. Not that detention was the worst thing in the world, but she had just got done with her punishment for dueling Snape in the fall. She didn't want another one for being out of bed after hours.

"I don't know what Lord Voldemort would want with a skinny brat like you who protects filthy Mudbloods." Bellatrix hissed, her wand pointed at the younger girl.

Ismene's was in her hand instantly, poised to disarm her or worse. "I'm sure he has his reasons. Voldemort doesn't have to explain to anyone, let alone witches who look like puppies who have been beaten so many times yet they still want to please their masters." The barb stung and Ismene smiled. "Did you ask Voldemort when he first got the idea and he told you no? Are you jealous that he may like me more than he likes you?"

Bellatrix scowled. "How dare you say that! You're a dirty blood traitor, Ismene Malfoy, you aren't worthy to lick the ground the Dark Lord walks upon."

Blood traitor.

The words struck her hard and hurt worse than the Cruciatus Curse. She knew it was true, that she was worthy of the title because none of the people she associated with or her actions proved otherwise. The moment she first kissed Sirius Black she was on the slippery slope down into a life of being a blood traitor. It was inevitable, she had seen it when she had spent one night over the break with Sirius imagining a life with him, imagining what it would be like when Voldemort was defeated and the world was at peace again.

Blood traitor.

The words were harsh and Ismene stared at Bellatrix who looked pleased with herself as if her words had a power beyond magic. The look on her face was haughty, prideful that she had brought down a fifteen year old girl by calling her a name. Ismene shook her head. "Yes." she whispered, "Yes!" The word was ripped from her throat and it took Bellatrix by surprise.

"What?"

"Yes, yes I'm not worthy to lick the dirt Voldemort walks on." Ismene said, "and yes I am a blood traitor, but I'm much more than that, Bellatrix Lestrange." Bellatrix had dropped her wand in the verbal spat before and Ismene saw her opportunity. "_Imperio._" A white light shot out of the end of her wand, wrapping around Bellatrix's head like a cloud. The woman had a far off look in her eyes as the spell infiltrated her free will, taking her mind in a vice. "But I am powerful, I'm intelligent, and I'm not going to do what Voldemort wants me to do, not while I can get someone else to do it for me. I won't be like you."

Bellatrix seemed oblivious and Ismene relished in her control. She made the woman do cartwheels and claw up worms in the moist earth and eat them. She had Bellatrix grind that dirt into her hair and she had her jump into the lake and catch a fish with her bare hands and she had to give it a sloppy kiss. But then Ismene knew that she couldn't stall forever and she would have to give Bellatrix the one command she never wanted to utter.

"The Gryffindor common room is in the upper tower on the seventh floor." Ismene said, "The password is dormens." She had to take a deep breath before she could say the next words. "Tristan Malfoy, he's a first year. Find him, kill him." Sobs escaped from her lips and her wand arm trembled. The awareness momentarily returned to Bellatrix's eyes and Ismene used her other hand to hold her arm still. "And place his body just inside the Forbidden Forest behind Greenhouse number 5."

The enchanted Bellatrix nodded and slunk toward Hogwarts castle. Ismene stood in the darkness for a while, her wand still aimed at Bellatrix before she knew that the spell was fully on her and she didn't need to constantly reinforce the spell. When Bellatrix was out of sight, Ismene started back up toward the castle. She picked through shadows, dodging windows and any place that Filch or Mrs. Norris could be. She pressed herself against the castle wall, watching Bellatrix sneak inside. Over head, the half moon cast a little bit of light. Ismene counted to fifty before stepping forward. She screamed when something grabbed her, a hand pressed over her mouth.

"Shh…Ismene, it's me."

"Thirith?" The hand lifted off her mouth, "Sirius?"

"Lumos." The tip of Sirius wand lit up and Ismene could see his face peering out from the darkness. Half his shoulder was missing and Ismene watched him pull the rest of James' invisibility cloak off. "What are you doing out here?"

"What are _you_ doing out here?"

Sirius pointed back in the direction of Hogsmeade. "Contrary to popular belief, I do notice when my girlfriend doesn't show up to dinner to lovingly spoon treacle pudding into my mouth." he said. Tenderly, he reached out and placed a hand on her cheek, tracing her jaw line until his hand rested on her shoulder and he pulled her toward him. "I was worried about you, is that a crime?"

Ismene smiled, resting her head on his shoulder and placing a gentle kiss on his neck. "No, it's not. I forgot that I needed to send my mother an owl and there was a long line at the post office and I got hungry, so I ate at the Three Broomsticks. I had to be careful coming back to the castle so I wouldn't get detention. I know you and James just love detention, but I don't like it one bit."

"Well, come on then." Sirius grabbed the end of the Invisibility Cloak and wrapped the two of them up in it.

Carefully he led her to the far side of the castle where a group of vines grew thick. Sirius waved his wand and the vines parted revealing the same gray bricks that made up the rest of the school. He poked his wand out and traced a pattern that Ismene tried, and failed, to memorize. The bricks shifted and shimmered before fading away to reveal a tunnel. Sirius pulled her along after him and Ismene swallowed. She couldn't bear to be inside the castle when Tristan was, at that very moment, being murdered by a psychopath commanded to do so by his own aunt.

The tunnel shifted upwards and dead-ended into some stairs. They climbed them and ended up poking out from behind a hinged painting across from the library. Sirius stored the cloak in his satchel and took Ismene's hand. "Secret passage." he said, "James and Remus and I've found five of them. They must have been built ages ago. This one's one of my favorites when we're out late because it looks like we're just coming back from a long study session in the lib…" But Sirius trailed off when a panicked Professor McGonagall came running down the hall toward them.

"What are you two doing out of bed?" McGonagall asked. Her voice cracked with concern. She wasn't mad at them, she just seemed worried.

"What's going on, Professor?" Ismene asked. Instinctively she moved closer to Sirius.

"Someone has infiltrated the castle." McGonagall said, biting her lip as if she shouldn't have told two students that much information. "There's a rumor that a student has been murdered. Dumbledore wants all students in the Great Hall."

"Of course." Sirius said. He pushed Ismene into walking as they followed the familiar path down to the Great Hall.

The entire school was abuzz. First years clung to each other, standing as near to prefects as they could. Everyone was in their pajamas and it was odd to Ismene to see the entire school milling around, ignoring house ties like at meals and ceremonies. It was like one big slumber party and Ismene felt her stomach fall. She caught herself looking for Tristan's face as she and Sirius passed by a group of Gryffindor first years.

Remus spotted them first. He was in his robes unlike everyone else, his prefect's badge flashing in the candle light. He hugged Sirius in a brotherly way before reach over and pulling Ismene into one too. "Thank Merlin." Remus said, "When Dumbledore announced that we all had to come in here, I thought it was some elaborate prank you and James had thought up, but then James came out of the bathroom and you weren't around and I had no idea what I was supposed to do."

"I'm fine, mate." Sirius said, "I just thought I'd be really romantic and take Is out for a stroll underneath the stars. I had to show her that I really am the brightest star in the sky."

Remus shook his head. "Yeah, well, I'm going to have to go tell Professor Slughorn that every Gryffindor is accounted for except one."

The knot is Ismene's stomach tightened. "Which one?"

"Oh god, Ismene." Remus said, "It's Tristan."

She closed her eyes and felt her knees buckle. Sirius wasn't able to catch her before she collapsed on the floor in heaving sobs. He could only sit beside her and cradle her against his chest while she cried.

_Author's Note: Thanks everyone for the reviews! Don't forget to read and review! They make me happy!_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

_So maybe I'm a masochist, I try to run, but I don't ever wanna leave. 'Til the walls are going up in smoke with all our memories—Skylar Grey, The Way You Lie Part III_

Her screams had rent the Great Hall in two and it took Sirius and James, along with Professor Flitwick to usher her out of the room, away from all the curious eyes of her fellow students. She had known, deep down, that cursing Bellatrix was going to end up working. She was familiar with the Imperious Curse. She knew how tenacious it made you, the feeling of a job undone coursing through your veins like it was more important than blood. But part of her, some small part of her that was in the back of her head, pounding away, had hoped that because Tristan was at Hogwarts he would be safe.

It had taken this moment for her to realize the truth. Nowhere was safe from Voldemort. His arm was long reaching. Nowhere, no one was safe. Why she had ever thought staying with him was safe?

Dumbledore's office was an oasis of warmth and light. She was placed on the most comfortable chair in front of his desk. Fawkes eyed her warily from his perch. Someone had draped a blanket around her shoulders, but she stared blankly at the papers on Dumbledore's desk. It was decided. She had decided hours ago, but now it was more official than ever. She would spy for Dumbledore, she'd do Voldemort's bidding, but she wasn't going to kill her fellow witches or wizards to make Inferi. She definitely wasn't going to subject Tristan's body to that fate.

She'd just kill her fellow Death Eaters instead.

The sound of stone grinding on stone signaled Dumbledore's arrival. Professor McGonagall was on his heels, her arm wrapped around someone who was wailing loudly. Ismene glanced over her shoulder then turned away quickly. Tristan's mother. Someone must have Apparated to her and brought her here. Ismene watched out of the corner of her eye as her sister-in-law was seated beside her, a blanket around her shoulders too. What was her name, Lindsay? Erin? No, no it was Sophie. The image of a birthday card from years ago flashed in her memory. She probably hated their kind more than she did before. Witches and wizards had taken her husband and her son away from her.

Dumbledore sat behind his desk, looking over them from behind his half moon spectacles. His fingers were tented in concern. "Mrs. Malfoy," he looked at Sophie first, "I must assure you of my deepest sorrow for the loss of your son this night. Tragedies like these at Hogwarts are rare and the root cause of them have always been the same." He then turned and looked at Ismene, "Is it correct to assume Lord Voldemort is behind this?"

"Yes." Ismene said, "He ordered it."

Sophie looked at Ismene when she spoke. "Why?" she asked, "He's eleven."

"Father considered him a disgrace," Ismene murmured, "Voldemort agreed."

"A disgrace?" Sophie said, "Why? From letters Tristan sent me, he said that he was doing well in all of his classes, that professors liked him. How is talent disgraceful? I don't understand." She sobbed into her hands, but Ismene was amazed at her composure. "I just don't understand this world."

"He was half-blood." Ismene knew her words were harsh. Years of sneering at anyone other than pure-blood was hard to remove the disdain whenever she said the words. "He was Ajax's son, anyway. Ajax had been disowned, a mark of shame in our family tree. Father already had Ajax….destroyed. Tristan was the next logical step." It was so clinical, so cruel and emotionless how she explained why her nephew was dead. But she was leaving out so much. How Tristan had been her assignment, how she had been so cowardly that she couldn't even grant him the mercy of her killing him herself.

That was how she realized that she and Voldemort had something in common. They both sent others to do their bidding and watched the results from the sidelines.

Dumbledore watched her and he nodded his head to McGonagall. "Please take Mrs. Malfoy to see her son. I'm sure she'd like to say goodbye." Very gently, McGonagall helped Sophie to her feet and led her out of the office. "Professor Flitwick, please escort Mr. Black and Mr. Potter back to their dormitory. I am sure the culprit is way away from here, but you can never be too sure about someone who can sneak into Hogwarts."

James went quickly, but Sirius stopped to place a comforting hand on Ismene's shoulder. He gave a light squeeze before joining his friend to go back to the Gryffindor common room.

"Miss Malfoy, are you alright?"

"Voldemort told me to kill Tristan." The guilt of it was eating her up inside. She hadn't actually performed the Killing Curse, but she may as well have. His blood was all over her hands and she could never get herself clean. Confessing helped, but it only did so much. She could still see his sweet face behind her eyes, how he had looked at her when she had mended his backpack, how he had laughed with her when they had tossed bread crumbs into the Black Lake for the Giant Squid.

Dumbledore merely nodded. "And did you?"

"No, but I…I put Bellatrix Lestrange under the Imperious Curse and told her to do it." Ismene pulled her wand from her robes and placed it on Dumbledore's desk. "I'd still like to spy for you, sir, but if you want to snap my wand and throw me in Azkaban, I'll go willingly."

"No one is going to throw you in Azkaban, Miss Malfoy," Dumbledore said, "as evident by the lack of Ministry officials in my office."

"I deserve Azkaban."

"Miss Malfoy, how much do you know about the Imperious Curse?"

"I believe I know a good deal." Ismene retorted, "Considering my father used it on me as a child and from a distance. When I nearly drowned in the lake? That was my father controlling me through my portrait at home. There have been other times too, I nearly attacked Lily Evans but couldn't remember why I wanted to. It's powerful."

"Then you must know that no fifteen year old witch, no matter how talented, could pull off a fully functioning Imperious Curse? Your father was a very powerful wizard and he was also much older than you." Dumbledore said.

"But Tristan's dead." Ismene said, "How?"

"By planting the idea." Dumbledore said, "Your Imperious Curse was probably weak for a number of reasons, but it was strong enough to give Bellatrix Lestrange the idea." Dumbledore picked up a scrap of parchment on his desk and handed it to her. Ismene read the spidery handwriting, urging Tristan to meet her in Hogsmeade. He had somehow managed to get there and he had come because he thought he was going to meet her. "The Imperious Curse is powerful, but imprecise. If the cursed does not perform their task, they will keep trying rather clumsily. Tristan was here and if Bellatrix Lestrange was fully under the Imperious Curse, we would have found her trying to break in to the castle."

Ismene kept her eyes on the note, puzzling it out. They had been told at the start of term her fourth year that since Voldemort was growing more powerful that certain measures had been taken to protect Hogwarts' students. No one had ever been able to Apparate into Hogwarts and she had seen the statues standing at the front doors, eyeing students. They wouldn't have let a witch like Bellatrix Lestrange past. And there had been other measures. Charms and spells set to send out an alarm when an unwelcome guest stepped foot onto the grounds. Hogwarts was the safest place anyone could be. It explained why Bellatrix had lured Tristan to Hogsmeade, but it was more than that.

Countless times she had been under the Imperious Curse herself, but never had she been calculating with her tasks. She would merely do them. At thirteen, her father had ordered her to get information out of a Ministry wizard he had caught trying to sneak into their basement on what they had claimed was an ordinary visit. She hadn't thought of various ways to do the task. She had chosen the easiest one—a bottle of her father's Veritaserum. That prompted other memories, other times her parents had used the curse to make her do what they wanted. Each time she had chosen what was easiest, but that had never resulted in her planning.

It all made sense. What Dumbledore was saying about her not being powerful enough to keep the curse up and how Bellatrix had lured Tristan away from Hogwarts when that wasn't the easiest thing to do which was how the Imperious Curse had always worked. It banked on brute force, not finesse. And then Ismene remembered the night she was given the task, how Bellatrix had begged Voldemort to give the assignment to her and how he had refused.

"She did it on her own, because she wanted to."

"Yes she did."

Ismene stood up suddenly, handing the note back to Dumbledore. "I'll kill her." She hissed. "I'm going to kill her."

"Ismene, you can't kill anyone." Dumbledore said, "You're a fifteen year old witch."

"No, you're wrong." Ismene said, "You've heard of my father's death, yes?" Dumbledore nodded. "I was the one to do it."

"How?"

She gritted her teeth. She pocketed her wand and turned away from Dumbledore. Behind her, Fawkes gave a pitiful squawk, but she ignored it. Reaching the stairs, she turned back to face him, resolve set in her mind. "Because I hate him, Professor." Ismene said with a sigh, "Because I hate everyone like him. That's all the Killing Curse takes to make it powerful," The stairs began to move and she walked down them slowly, "it just takes a little hate."

For the rest of the term, she slept walk through her classes. Bonnie had been trying to help, letting her copy her homework or doing Ismene's essays on top of her own. Sirius had been found stuck outside the entrance to their common room, trying to puzzle out the answer to a riddle in order to get in to see her. Their relationship was still on, but she hadn't wanted to look him in the eye since the night Tristan died, but she would still find herself staring out of her dorm window during full moons, watching the shape of a big black dog, a stag, a rat, and a werewolf romp around on the lawn, wishing that she had listened to him in the first place.

June came on suddenly and with June came the O.W.L.S. Ismene gathered up her belongings and headed to the Great Hall robotically. The Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L.S were today and she couldn't miss them. This was one thing Bonnie couldn't cover for her with.

The Great Hall had been transformed into a large exam room. The tables had been turned the other way to create long rows with the chairs placed just so there would be plenty of room between each student to prevent anyone from trying to cheat like Muggles. Flitwick stood at the entrance, his wand waving over each students' bag, checking for Right Answer Quills or answers written on their arms. He waved his wand over her bag, a small concerned smile on his face. Flitwick had noticed her attending classes in a blank daze, her hand writing notes automatically, but her eyes staring out windows. It was a surprise she even got good marks on the few homework assignments she had done herself.

"Table Six, Seat Nine Miss Malfoy." Flitwick said once he was satisfied that Ismene wasn't trying to sneak a shrunken sixth year in to take the test for her. She shouldered her bag and walked to her seat.

Three rows and four seats down from her, Sirius was already there. His quill was tucked behind his ear, a bottle of ink right beside his test paper. Two rows in front of him, James was hunched over, his quill scratching on his scrap paper. The table jolted when someone slammed their bag down and Ismene scrambled to grab her inkwell to keep it from crashing to the floor. "Hey, watch it."

"That's the most I've heard you say since January." Lily eased her bag onto the floor and looked at her with the same look everyone had been giving her since Tristan's funeral—pity. She was sick of it. "I'm sure if you talked to Dumbledore, they'd let you take these next year."

"I'm not going to fall behind." Ismene said.

"Alright," Lily said, "But are you sure you're alright? You look exhausted."

She laughed softly. Lily was right, like always. She was exhausted. Every week she had gotten letters from Lucius about Voldemort's latest accomplishment or requesting details of how her "assignment" was going. Over Easter holidays, she had had to look Bellatrix Lestrange in the eyes and pretend that the woman hadn't murdered her nephew in order to gain points with Voldemort. She had been forced to lie and say that she was working on the potion for the Inferi and Voldemort appeared to believe her.

She had taken notes, writing down names of people the other Death Eaters had mentioned about wanting to recruit. Snape's name had come up once, but a Death Eater she recognized has having been a seventh year when she was in her first had dismissed him as only being good with potions. Ismene had felt her lips twitch with knowledge. She had remembered the spell he had written in the margin of her book, the one that had tore that rat in half. Snape was more talented than this guy was giving him credit for, but she wasn't going to say anything. It was just one less person she'd have to kill later.

"I've just had a lot on my plate lately." Ismene said, "I'm sorry I've been such a flake."

Lily shrugged. "It's alright. Though, I have to admit, without you around to act as a buffer, James and Sirius have been even more insufferable than usual."

"Just go out with James." Ismene said, "He'll stop."

She wrinkled her nose playfully. "Not until he stops acting like such a git."

"So another year or two?"

Before Lily could say anything, Flitwick had gotten all of their attention and the exam began.

Three hours later, Ismene had packed her things up and retreated to the lawn like everyone else. There was only Transfiguration left and the word from sixth years had said that it was mostly practical application. She sank down onto a sandy strip in front of the lake, tucking her bag behind her head like a pillow. After all of this, she deserved a nap.

But her nap was short lived. Up the grounds, loud laughs were filling the air. Ismene sat up just in time to see a student fall to the ground. Someone with messy black hair had their wand raised, a large cut on their cheek and Ismene groaned. _James_. She stood up, shouldering her bag, ready to give him a piece of her mind about not acting like a git if he wanted to get a date with Lily, but she saw the flash of red hair storming toward them and Ismene slowed. This wasn't her fight. She could tell James until she was blue in the face to not be a git, but it was up to him to actually do it. It was how he was. He never progressed beyond the stage of pulling the hair of the girl he liked, except he took it to the extreme. He didn't pull Lily's hair, but he pushed her buttons by tormenting Severus Snape.

Ismene turned away and walked back toward the castle. James, and Sirius along with him, was a confusing member of the student body. He tormented Snape for just existing, but his dislike for her had been a flash in the pan and he had never even so much as hexed her even then. He had ignored her before they had become friends and even though he knew she was a Death Eater, spy or not, he treated her with respect and friendship. Perhaps that was how it was, how she was. She had said more than once how she hated what she was, but couldn't help it. They knew she hated her family, hated the Dark Arts, hated what she was.

They liked her because of her own self-loathing and the few attempts she had made to distance herself from her family trade had been enough.

Snape deserved it. She felt no pity for anyone who was willingly walking toward the life she had not chosen, but knew to be disastrous. James may have been a git, provoking Snape, but Snape's mind was twisted to the Dark Arts. He had sought her out, knowing that she had want he wanted, he had written that curse into the margin of her text book. She wouldn't forget Snape. She'd keep her eyes open for him at meetings.

Sirius found her in the library after the Transfiguration O.W.L. He slid in beside her, placing one hand on the table and she placed hers over his, curling her fingers around his. "I've missed you, Is." Sirius whispered.

"I'm sorry." Ismene said, "I've wanted to talk to you since Tristan's death, but I haven't found the words. I've been trapped in my own head."

He let his forehead rest against her temple and she inhaled the scent of his spicy, warm cologne. "You know you can talk to me, right? You can tell me anything."

"There are some things I can't tell you, Sirius."

"Alright."

"But I can tell you that I've made my mind up."

He smiled. "About what?"

"My family doesn't matter to me anymore." Ismene said, "For once and for all, if I could shed my name, I would, but I can't. But I can say this," She turned her head and kissed him for the first time in months, "I'm with you and James and Remus and Peter and Lily and Dumbledore and all that is right and good in our world. I'm for Muggles and Muggle-borns and half-bloods because I cannot have their blood on my hands."

Sirius pulled her to him and held her there as she sobbed into his shoulder. He was her anchor to the light. She couldn't push him or any of them away. They wanted her just as badly as she wanted them.

The evidence was the difference between her and Severus Snape.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

_Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer—Bon Iver, Skinny Love_

"Lucius, I don't like the looks of this place."

Summer holidays had never been her favorite time of year and now more than before she hated them. She gripped her cousin's arm as he led her down a deserted street. The lamps were dim, some of them had shattered, the remnants of glass and bulbs glittering on the pavement beneath their overreach arms. It was dark, the only light was coming from the moon and Lucius' wand. The moon was full and Ismene thought of Remus. How was he faring his transformation alone and away from the friends who helped keep him sane? A rat scuttle out of an overturned trash bin and Ismene screamed, jerking away from it, nearly toppling her cousin over.

"What's gotten into you?" Lucius said. He pointed his wand at the rat, a flash of green light, and the thing stilled. "Are you a witch or not?"

She pulled herself away from him, shoving her hands deep into her pockets, fingering the handle of her wand. It'd be easy to dispatch him now, but other Death Eaters would be upon her in a moment. Even an Auror couldn't face dozens of Death Eaters alone and survive it. She certainly didn't want to die tonight. "This place gives me the creeps." Ismene said, stepping over the dead rat. "Where are we?"

"It doesn't matter." Lucius said, "We've got business."

"What business?"

"Voldemort has found an interesting prospect." Lucius said, "We're going to recruit him."

"In this place?" Ismene looked around. All of the buildings looked the same. Squat gray brick houses with gray slate roofs. In the darkness, she could make out the lights and smoke stacks of distant factories. The entire place looked depressing. "This place is a hole."

Lucius clicked his tongue against his teeth. "Don't be such a snob, Ismene." he said and then placed a hand a little too low on her back, pushing her forward. "Now move it. I'd much rather have Apparated."

They walked on. A cat meowed from a low wall as they passed down an alley, turning onto an even more desolate looking street. The house they reached looked slightly better than the others, though the bricks where still dingy. There was a small window box of red flowers. Lucius raised his cane, a gift from his father, and rapt thrice on the door until it opened. Ismene's eyes narrowed. "You."

Severus Snape stared back at her, his face looking even more pallid in the dim light. "Ismene?" But then he turned and recognized Lucius. "I take it this isn't a social call."

"What's your definition of social?" Ismene said, but Lucius shot her a poisonous look.

"The Dark Lord requires your services." Lucius pulled his wand from his robes in one elegant motion. "Present your arm."

Snape did as he was told, his eyes meeting hers briefly. Ismene remembered back months ago when that former Slytherin had said that Snape was good for nothing but potions. There had been meetings between her and Voldemort almost daily since she had returned home from Hogwarts. His temper was short, more than once she had passed out from the pain of the Cruciatus curse. She had spit blood from her mouth often. Occasionally she vomited. Bellatrix Lestrange had mocked her relentlessly. She was nothing but a weak witch who would be dead sooner rather than later.

Voldemort had silenced her, but Ismene could tell that if she didn't bring him an Inferi within the next month, she'd be dead. She had lied, saying that the potion was the most difficult part, that she didn't have the head for them. Now she had wished she had ate her words. Even though Snape wanted nothing more than to be a Death Eater, she could have bought him a few more years if she had just kept her mouth shut.

"Morsmordre." Snape grit his teeth as the mark of the skull and the snake was seared into the tender flesh of his wrist. He let his gray eyes flick from her to Lucius, his mouth set in a narrow, determined line. There was no going back. Ismene wanted to grab him and shake him, to tell him to run and to ignore the burning pain in his arm that would come eventually. But she couldn't. Not with Lucius here. Not that Snape would even believe her.

"What does the Dark Lord wish of me?" Snape asked.

"Get your wand." Lucius said, "And follow us."

With Snape gone, Ismene whirled on Lucius. Her blue eyes narrowed as she shoved him hard. "What the bloody hell are we doing recruiting Snape?"

Lucius grinned wickedly. "You said it yourself that you were hopeless with potions. I've heard from my sources that Snape was one of the few students this year that scored an Outstanding on his Potions O.W.L."

Ismene rolled her eyes. She could have scored that high on her O.W.L. if she had tried. She remembered that exam. She had completely bungled the order the ingredients to Polyjuice and the order they were supposed to go in to the cauldron and how long it was supposed to let simmer. She hadn't cared. Why brew Polyjuice potion if she could just transfigure herself into the person she wanted to look like? She had no need for potions.

"Don't do that." Lucius said, "It makes you look so Muggle."

She did it again just to annoy him.

Snape rejoined them, shutting the door silently. He had his wand in his fingers, looking expectantly at Lucius. Lucius turned on a heel and walked away from them. Ismene stuck her tongue out at his back and Snape glared at her. "Childish, really." He said, but he remained standing next to her.

"Honestly, Snape." Ismene said as she began walking, he fell into step behind her. "You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

"I think I do." Snape said, "The Dark Lord has the right idea. Muggles are cruel." There was a look in his eyes that told her he meant this, had experienced it. "They don't like what they don't understand."

"And you think killing them is the right thing to do?" Ismene asked. Snape paused for a moment before nodding. "But Lily came from a Muggle family."

"There are exceptions."

"Thus, not all Muggles are cruel and Voldemort is wrong." Ismene said. Snape placed a hand on her arm and they stopped. Lucius kept walking. "What?"

"What are you doing?" Snape whispered.

"Voicing an opinion, Snape." Ismene said, "Listen, I'm not going to sugar coat this. Voldemort doesn't want you because he thinks you are going to be a powerful lieutenant in his army. He's going to use you like he's used me to do his dirty work." She swallowed, her eyes searching for whatever goodness Lily saw in him. "Severus, please, don't do this. What would Lily think?"

"She hates me." Snape said with a frown, "I called her a Mudblood to her face."

"So you would kill people like her relatives? Because she hates you?"

Snape didn't look at her. He gestured to where Lucius was standing yards away from them beneath one of the few unbroken streetlights. "We should probably go see what he wants."

"Voldemort is making Inferi."

The few steps Snape had taken away from her were retraced and he was standing in front of her, his body hunched so his face was level with hers. "What?"

"That's why he wants you." Ismene hissed. She could see Lucius walking toward them. "I'm hopeless at potions. I'm not patient enough for them. But I've obtained quite a talent for the Killing Curse. He needs someone to brew the potion, Severus, that's why he's recruited you. Please, just run away. Talk to Dumbledore, he'll give you protection." She could tell he wasn't listening to her and she could feel herself panicking. "Severus, we're just teenagers. It's not too late for you to turn back."

But he held up his hand, his too-big sleeve slipping down to his elbow. The black mark on his wrist stood out against his pale skin. "It is too late, Ismene."

When they reached the streetlamp, Lucius pulled an old deflated basketball out of his pocket and murmured something beneath his breath. It glowed for a moment before returning to normal. "Grab hold." And they did. In an instant they were gone.

Ismene stumbled when they reappeared back into the dark, dank room where she had been initiated. Snape stood stoically behind her as she regained her balance. He didn't make a move to help her as if he thought someone other than night birds had heard her urging him to abandon the ranks. Ismene frowned at his back. She didn't care what he believed in. She just didn't want to have to kill him later.

Voldemort sat in his large high backed chair. Nagini the snake was coiled at his feet. "Ah, Severus Snape, Potions Master."

Snape blushed. "My Lord, I would go saying I was a Master just yet."

"Humility is a virtue." Voldemort said, "You can learn from him, Ismene. I know your pride kept you from admitting to your weakness."

Pride or cowardice or self-preservation or a base unwillingness to do it, she wasn't sure which one had kept her from telling Voldemort she just couldn't come up with the potion. She hadn't dreamed he'd find someone for her to do it instead. Now she was just muscle. The witch with the wand and the words that could kill with a flash of green. But if Snape could do the potion, that meant she'd have the supply the bodies.

Damn.

But Voldemort had stood and took Snape into a corner. Ismene stood with her arms crossed, biting her lower lip. She could do it now. His back was turned, he was preoccupied with showing Snape the tables full of potion ingredients. She had her wand out, but Lucius spotted her and she put it away. "Take me home." Ismene said. "Voldemort obviously has no use for me at the moment. I'd rather wait at home for Snape to deliver the potion to my door than here."

Lucius extended out his arm to her and she took it. There was a brief feeling like being sucked through a tube before she found herself in her bedroom. Lucius lingered a bit, before Ismene threatened to hex him and he left. She locked the door and put an Unlockable Charm on it. Only she'd be able to free herself.

The summer solstice had passed before Snape showed up at the door, a vial of the potion in his hand. "All you need is a body." Snape said, "There are plenty of Muggles in the village."

She took the potion from him and shut the door in his face. No, not Muggles. She had someone else in mind.

When she had killed her father, it had been in self-defense. Or the defense of another. Killing her mother had been more calculated. Her mother was the female version of her father. She may not have been an official Death Eater, but she supported them, encouraged them. She had been there to torture her own daughter and had done it with her smile.

Her mother wasn't a Death Eater, no, but she was just as good as.

She had surprised her mother in the kitchen, disarming her immediately. Mrs. Malfoy looked at her daughter with wide eyes as she snapped her wand across her scraped knee. "Ismene, what are you doing?" Her mother hissed, "That was my wand."

"You're not going to need it anymore." Ismene said coldly. "Why did you let them do this to me?" She held up her wrist, flashing the tattoo. "Did you ever even love me, Mum?"

Mrs. Malfoy's face flashed tender for a moment before it returned to the hard, emotionless face Ismene had grown up with. "Of course we loved you, Ismene."

"Then why did you let Father do this to me? Why did you let Lucius do this to me?" Ismene shrieked. "Why did you let them torture me? Control me? Why?"

"B..because…because Ajax was such a disappointment."

"No, no Ajax wasn't." Ismene said, "Ajax was right."

"Your brother was an idiot."

"_Sectumsempra_!" Ismene slashed her wand, sending a gash across her mother's chest. The woman cried out, pressing a hand against her wound.

"Ismene, what are you doing?"

"What I should have done years ago."

She muttered the curse again, drawing another gash across to form a bright red X. Blood trickled to the floor. Bright red marring the white stones.

The blood had rushed from her mother's face, Mrs. Malfoy's eyes wide as she stared at her daughter with fear in her eyes. "Why?"

"Because you've turned me into something I hate." Ismene hissed. "Because you and father and Lucius and everyone used me. For once I am in control of my own life."

"Are you really, Ismene? You've done everything we've ever asked."

"I was the one who killed Father." Ismene said. Her admission struck her mother worse than the cuts from which she was still bleeding. "I murdered him protecting Muggles. Is that really doing everything you've ever asked?"

Her mother's mouth was a thin pale line. "How did I end up giving birth to two disappointing children?"

Ismene raised her wand. "Perhaps you and father can discuss that when you join him?"

There was a flash of green light and her mother was dead. Ismene pulled the stopper from the vial with her teeth, forcing her mother's lips open to pour the potion down her throat. "Teensy, I need you!" Ismene shouted and the house elf scrambled into the room. If the house elf questioned anything, she didn't voice them. "Help me move her."

"Teensy wonders why you need help."

"Because she's dead, you idiot, and there's no other witch in the household besides me. I can't do magic here anymore without the Ministry coming down on my head. Now do it."

Teensy snapped her fingers and Mrs. Malfoy's body levitated off the floor. She followed after Ismene into the drawing room where she forced open the secret chamber beneath their floor and made sure it was dark and cool enough. When she was satisfied, she had Teensy drop her mother's body into the hole and placed the floor back. For good measure, she had the house elf assist her in moving furniture. A heavy marble bust was placed over the floor. It had to be heavy enough to keep the dead down there until Ismene knew where Voldemort wanted them.

One Inferi made. Dozens more to go.


End file.
